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ineedsupport32 Asked January 2022

Will stepping out when a loved one passes upset them?

Perhaps my grandma has hrs left. She is heavily sweating and is getting cold to the touch, she is diabetic and I figured after 2 days of not eating she would have a sugar crash. Her oxygen level and pulse are still ok, she seems to be in a coma at this point. Mom and sister are with her and that brings me comfort but I do not want to be there, I'm just listening from my room. I want to sleep, and am so tired. I feel guilty, even crying is getting harder (unless I am with her, I cant control my tears- I start thinking she is suffering). In the past when I have put my pets to sleep, except for 1, I step out. The one time I witnessed it, I was traumatized.

My grandma has been with me 35 years, I made the decision to end dialysis after 7 years, bc the doctors said quality of life for my 91 yr old grandma was bad. I didn't want to but I did, I felt as if she still had some life in her, probably that was just me trying to hold on to her for the longest, being selfish.

Moxy234 Jan 2022
when my aunt was dying my cousins were with her. After 24 hours at her bedside my cousin dozed off. My aunt waited for that moment and moved on.

my mum left my Nan at 4pm she was doing ok in hospital, she got a phone call during the night from them and Nan had moved on.

sometimes our loved ones don’t want us there and it’s ok. Sometimes it’s too much for us and that’s ok.

your grandma knows you love her and everything you have done for her; you have looked after her, she’s been blessed to have you and you’ve been blessed to have her. Say your precious goodbye and let her go xx

JoAnn29 Jan 2022
Your grandmother has Dementia. She has already been stripped of her memories and dignity. I think the dignity thing with my Mom was the worst. Having to have someone bath you, someone toilet you. At times, someone feeding you. The kidney dialysis was probably just prolonging the inevitable. Doctors must have felt it was no longer doing any good. She is 91, she has lived a good long life. Her body is shutting down. You don't need to be there every minute. But, if you haven't you need to say goodbye. Just tell her its OK to let go. That you love her and that you will miss her but you will be OK. That those who went before are waiting for her.

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AnnReid Jan 2022
My mother lay like a precious doll during her last few hours, and aside from her gradually slowing breathing, there were no signs at all of any distress.

I told the staff at her residence that I chose not to stay overnight, and she died after I’d gone.

I was absolutely certain that the Angels would come to takeherHome, and I’m absolutely certain that they did.

You’ve cared for her lovingly and sensitively and intelligently. There is no reason for you to feel guilt. So Don’t. Let her go, with whoever wishes to be next to her be there, and yourself where you can feel at peace as she passes.

Geaton777 Jan 2022
You feel grief, not guilt. You've done nothing wrong. Please try to remember that no one gets out of here alive... we will all eventually pass. Now is your grandma's time to pass. If she is unconscious she is probably not aware or "suffering" but her body is closing up shop. May you gain courage and peace in your heart, and be comforted by her loving memories.

polarbear Jan 2022
I'm so sorry for your impending loss.

According to what I read from hospice nurses, many patients wait until their family members to leave then die. While the relatives are there, the dying feel like they have to hang on because their relatives are not ready to let them go.

I hope this helps ease your mind in your decision not to be with your grandma when she passes.

MountainMoose Jan 2022
I am so sorry, ineedsupport32. *hug* You made a heroic decision on behalf of your grandmother. Yes, your decision was selfless and heroic to put her welfare and dignity above all else.

But your decision is making you feel guilt, which you do NOT deserve.

I have no doubt your grandmother knows all your kindnesses, hard work, and your final decision on her behalf. You do not have make yourself be there for her final breaths. She's with you in spirit, even, right now.

You've been through an enormous task and are going through heartbreak in this, your most sacred, task. Rest or sleep from another room or be at her bedside--whatever suits YOUR heart and soul.

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