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MissGypsy Asked April 2021

Mom is in a SNF and her belongings have been redistributed to relatives or donated to charity. She wants certain things back. Any ideas?

JoAnn29 Apr 2021
If Moms room was like my Moms, there is no room for more than what she needs at the facility. Residents are allowed to roam the halls. Going into rooms and picking up other peoples belongings. My Mom was in the common area most of the day. Only in her room to sleep. I didn't even have all her clothes there. I changed out seasonally.

Beatty Apr 2021
I'd tell her that some things were given to relatives & they were all so thankful to receive them. That everything went to a good home.

Sometimes it's more about a fondness for an item & the attached memory rather than actually having & using that item again.

See if discussing the happy memories about the best dinner set, the wedding present vase etc helps.

My Grandma was pleased her dining room furniture had a new home with a new family.

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mollymoose Apr 2021
What is she wanting back?

I went through this with my mom, who was a hoarder. Not trash hoarding, but everything else that could be bought. She had a few of those reborn dolls that I kept (actually fought with family members who wanted them) and a few trinkets & pictures that I knew were special and took to her facility. I had to explain to her dozens of times that we kept what she had room for in her new residence (nursing home). She had so many clothes, shoes, and purses it was unreal. And a lot of it was packed so tightly in her house with no air conditioning running (she refused) that they were moldy and HAD to be thrown out.
MissGypsy Apr 2021
Sounds exactly like my Mom...addicted to shopping and a hoarder but she could not afford it, so myself and another family member lent her thousands of dollars to pay off the credit cards. Granted, some things came from second-hand stores as well, but way more than she needed!
CharlieSue Apr 2021
Tell her there was a deadline, she was otherwise occupied, so as POA you did what needed to be done. Ask if she wants to buy something to replace something she misses now, or a gift for anyone else. Just downplay it, no drama.

lealonnie1 Apr 2021
Is your mother aware of the fact that her belongings were given away to relatives and/or donated? And why didn't she keep what she wanted before her things were disbursed? If this happened without her knowledge, I'd question why such a decision was made in the first place. If she knew and approved, then she can't change her mind now, after the fact.

So now you can ask the relatives to return what they were given, if those items will fit in her space at the SNF, or, just buy her some new things to replace the old, I guess. Since you give no details, it's hard to give you a solution to such a question which may not have one!
MissGypsy Apr 2021
Early on Mom was in on the decision making and then lost interest in most of the items as she was preoccupied with her illnesses and moves. I have POA and had a deadline with her vacating her apartment. Now that she is settled, I believe she has more time to think about friends who she did not give anything to and/or she has changed her mind.

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