How do you handle an elderly neighbor of a client that harasses you?

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BelindaM Asked September 2020

How do you handle an elderly neighbor of a client that harasses you?

My client lives in a wealthy neighborhood and her neighbor is a 80 to 90 year old man. Today, I wheeled her outside so she could tell me how to decorate for the fall. Her neighbor kept whistling and saying things. When I was wheeling her around the block. He came up and slapped my bottom. I told my work and they said ignore it. I do not like stange men touching me. What do I do?

Home Care Working Caregiver

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score 3 · Answer 1

My client is being placed in a nursing home on November 1st. A lawyer and social worker came to do paperwork for Medicare to pay for it. She is very upset because a funeral home is coming on Wednesday to plan her funeral. I do not ask questions about all of that. I know when she goes into the nursing home, the family wants to pay me to visit her a couple times a week until after the holidays.

Helpful Answer (3)

Ay yi yi..............coming to her home to plan her OWN funeral? That's a bit too much in my opinion! Actually, it's WAY too much. The lawyer and sw came by to do the paperwork for Medicaid...........Medicare we all get at 65, Medicaid is for those with no money who need long term care. I'm glad you'll be going to see your client a couple times a week, I'm sure she'll love that!

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score 1 · Answer 2

I thought you lost your job with this client?

In any event, I would not be using pepper spray on a very old man with dementia. I would avoid him entirely, knowing what you now know, and maybe carry a water pistol with you.............I like that idea! Tell him *loudly* to back off or you'll shoot! Then shoot him with the water gun if he gets too close. He'll probably get the message.

It's never okay to be touched by someone on your butt, even if he has dementia. I just wouldn't go overboard by calling the police on him or potentially hurting him with noxious pepper spray, considering he isn't in his right mind. That's my 2 cents worth which may only be worth a penny.

Good luck!

Helpful Answer (1)

Your advice is always great! He is definitely wrong to do what he is doing. She does need to discourage him in some way.

In a life or death situation then I say, everything is fair game. Many years ago as a teenager I was attacked and trust me, I fought like h*ll! I will spare you the ugly details but can assure you that I am so blessed to be alive.

For a tiny person like I am, I was still able to cause him harm. I aimed well and kicked very hard in the right place! He was 6’5 but collapsed. It is amazing how strong we are when adrenaline is fired up due to fear.

The OP reported him and that is good. Even after the ‘Me too’ movement, people aren’t as responsive as they should be. It’s sad.

Years ago, it was even worse. Girls and women were made to look like they were at fault if they had on a short skirt or whatever. Sexual assault wasn’t taken as seriously as it should have been.

It is still not reported to authorities as much as other offenses because not all women want to deal with not being taken seriously.

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score 1 · Answer 3

I think I would have slapped his face.

No excuse for abuse, EVER!

Helpful Answer (1)

When they have Dementia they lose their filter.

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score 2 · Answer 4

I spoke with my client's daughter in law about it today because my client told her. The neighbor has mild dementia and was a judge and his son is a prosectuting attorney. She said the neighbor women are all complaining about the same thing. She apologized and said she would have her husband call his family.

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score 0 · Answer 5

I would not do anything yet. But if he continues I may first see who his family is. Maybe ur client will know. I would then call them about his behaviour. It may be early signs of Dementia. If you can't contact him call the police on a non emergency number. Ask how you should handle the situation. Maybe a cop coming to his door saying there has been a sexual harrassment complaint made against him will scare him a little. I like the squirt gun idea. Did you say something to him? If not you should have with anger.

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score 3 · Answer 6

Anyone that comes up and touches you is committing assault. You can call the police and file a complaint.
There is the possibility that this neighbor has dementia (one of the things that is lost are filters as to what is an acceptable norm )
Does this person live alone or is there someone else there? This might be something that you could discuss (outside the house) with another member of the household.
But I would not hesitate to call the police if this person accosts you again

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score 0 · Answer 7

Bring pepper spray. Apply liberally to assaulting person's face. Call 911 afterwards. If the pepper spray fails, apply pressure to testicles with tip of foot.

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score 2 · Answer 8

Ignore it? That’s odd advice. You did the right thing to report it.

I would tell him to stop immediately. No one would appreciate being smacked on the butt. It isn’t flattering or cute.

So sorry that you have dealt with his behavior.

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score 1 · Answer 9

I would also invest in a can of pepper spray, one that shoots a long distance. Don't hesitate to use it. Don't let him get near you.

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score 0 · Answer 10

Call the police and report sexual assault.

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score 0 · Answer 11

Put the lock on the wheelchair and use the wheelchair to come between you and the neighbor, even if you have to run in circles around it and the client. Would the client be in danger from him also? If so, call 911.

Another crazy idea could be to give your client a squirt gun and have her use it on her neighbor if he comes near the wheelchair.

What does your client say about this?

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score 4 · Answer 12

Sorry, this is reportable to the police. It is an assault. Go to the station and make a complaint. Has the neighbor any prior evidence of odd behavior? This person needs to be investigated.

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Do you honestly think the police would take a report of an old man assaulting a younger woman seriously? If only :(

(4)

score 2 · Answer 13

Your agency should be proactive in contacting social services and law enforcement about this person's assaultative behavior.

The fact that they are not taking action tells you that they don't care about the welfare of their employees.

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score 1 · Answer 14

Stop being nice to this old Fart! Ignore him, avoid him, growl at him, assume a Kung FU pose, alert his caregiver, whatever!!! I doubt it warrants a 911 call; don't they have enough to respond to without this?

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score 2 · Answer 15

I'm not sure what authority the agency has against a private citizen who isn't a client or or employee of theirs. You should report him to the cops, and they will probably refer him to social services if he seems cognitively impaired (which sounds like it). If the home is in an HOA, I would contact the president and discuss this -- this person may be willing to talk to him (but doubt it will do anything if he has dementia). Or, he might be willing to find contact info for his family to pass on the report of his behavior. Or, you could report him to APS as a vulnerable adult and get him on their radar. That should get someone's attention. IF it happens again, call the cops, video him, and still report it to your employer just for good measure.

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score 1 · Answer 16

Being told to ignore someone who touches you in a private place is an irresponsible position for any employer to take. I agree with Barb.

If you're gutsy, you could also mimic his action: slap HIS butt. (I'll bet he won't be expecting that!)

Helpful Answer (1)

Assault and battery.
The OP in her role as caregiver could be prosecuted, but the man would not be if he has dementia.

Really, just touching someone without permission can be
A& B if you are medical personnel.

(1)

score 3 · Answer 17

I would find another agency to work for.

If he does this again, call 911 and report the assault.

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How do you handle an elderly neighbor of a client that harasses you?

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