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dazam1 Asked July 2020

When my mother talks to me at times she speaks to me as if she is speaking to a stranger about me. Is this a sign of dementia?

She will refer to me in talking to me by saying something like me and Fia (me) did this together. The other she told me that the person who cleans the bathroom didn't throw the garbage away. I am the only one here with her. She angers when I ask why she speaks to me as if she were talking to someone. She also imagines that she is in a duplicate of our house and asked to go home. I am extremely upset and getting sick from her verbal abuse. The neurologist does not think she is that bad because she was acting normal on the telemedicine call. Can someone advise me if this all could be dementia?

CantDance Jul 2020
dazam,

Sorry you are facing such difficulties with your mom. I am not a doctor or an expert, but I've observed my mother's gradual descent into mid-stage dementia (Alzheimer's and vascular dementia diagnosed by her primary care, her neurologist, and her neuropsychologist). I've witnessed a lot of strange behavior. Mom frequently refers to me conversationally by name and/or as "my daughter" while she's talking to me, as if she doesn't know who she's talking to. This identity confusion has been occurring fairly regularly for 3 years, gradually getting worse and more frequent.

When mom does this I play along and don't try to correct her. She comes back to reality on her own; i.e., referring to me directly by name, or by something she says I become aware she knows she's talking to me. No need to rattle her back to reality.

Your mom's confusion calls for a professional, in-person evaluation. Will her doctor do that? If not can you find one who will? You may want to secure
POA for legal authority to make medical and financial decisions for her. Has your mom always been verbally abusive, or is this a new development? Either way, abuse is never acceptable. You mentioned you were "the only one here with her," which suggests you may be living with your mom or she is living with you. If this is dementia, and it may very well be, it will only get worse. It's not too soon to be thinking about alternative living arrangements like assisted living or memory care for your mom.
dazam1 Jul 2020
Thank you for your advice. The verbal abuse started the last two months. She has been to a neurologist and even though she did worse this year than in his tests he still does not think it is full dementia or alzheimer's. He thinks she is depressed. I live with her; unfortunately I cannot move out because I am the one who supports her 100% financially. What is really bad is that she gets upset when I tell the doctors what she is doing. For instance, she will ask me to take her home when she is home or she will tell me she is in a duplicate of her own home. She also I noticed is worse with her temper when she stops taking her water pill. I had the cardiologist tell her the repercussions of not taking it and she will not take it even if her feet are blown up like balloons. I told her to take the pills because I am worried and she made me very upset by saying it is her business and not to interfere and that she might as well die because I am telling all the doctors that she is crazy. I never called her crazy I just told the doctors what she has been saying and doing.

I am getting so upset that I am getting sick. I am working from home now but when I have to go back to office I am really afraid of leaving her. I cannot do what you mentioned about the POA because she won't sign. I mentioned that we should sell the house and she should go to assisted living and she got furious.

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