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Butterfly72 Asked April 2020

My brother has POA but will not do anything for mom who is in hospital with a stroke. He will not give me any info on mom's care. Advice?

He has not visited her and now that the hospital is locked down due to the virus he will not even call her. He will not answer his phone when the hospital calls him (Doctors, Social Workers, Nurses). The hospital is getting annoyed and they have started to call me. He texted a friend last night and said he is going to take mom out of the hospital and take her back to her apartment. The Doctor has told me that she needs 24/7 care and will not be discharged from the hospital, they are aware of my brothers treatment of mom. He is on Welfare, uses drugs, has used all her money. I live in the next province (in Canada) but have done everything I could for her for the last 20 years. Last week he called the nursing station and swore and threatened to sue all the staff , the Hospital as well as the Director of the Hospital. His reason is that the hospital will not give him any info however, it is because he will not answer his phone when they call him. He is angry that they will not making special arrangements for him to visit mom even though the Hospital is in Lock down.


He constantly tells me that he is in charge and I am to butt out of mom's life. The last time I visited mom at her apartment I ended up calling 911 as he assaulted me. I did not press formal charges at that time as he is mentally ill and it would have gotten mom very upset.


I hope this makes sense as I badly needed to vent. My husband is terrific but he does not want to hear about my brother any longer. It is causing friction in our immediate family and with the crisis in the world at this time I feel like I am going crazy. Any advise would be appreciated.

Butterfly72 Apr 2020
A Public Trustee is now involved, I am contact person so I now know exactly what is going on. Brother is still being miserable and threatens to do away with people who will not let him see mom, even though the hospital is locked down. My days are not boring! I appreciate being able to vent on this site and am very thankful for the advise/answers.

Butterfly72 Apr 2020
A public Trustee has been notified as well as other people in authority. One good thing about this virus and being locked down is that mom will have to stay in hospital until the virus is over. She is safe, well fed and looked after. They have now considered doing a geriatric psychological test.

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Butterfly72 Apr 2020
It is about the same and that will be investigated shortly. At this time mom will not be discharged until after the virus cools down, and only then if rehabilitation does not get the results that they want. At 99 years of age, it is hard to get your body to learn new things.
lilhelp Apr 2020
Butterfly, thanks for updating us.  99? Bless her heart. Praying for you & mom.    lil
lilhelp Apr 2020
Sorry for what you and your mom are gong through.

It's obviously not safe for your mom to be with your brother.  She may have not been thinking clearly when she made him POA, or knew she needed help and saw him as her only option.  Or he may have coerced her?

You may need to speak to an attorney about all that's going on, about how your brother's the POA but has so many issues plus not caring for mom, and get their recommendations. 

In the US, attorneys will give free brief initial consult.  If you can't afford an attorney, check if there are any legal services that you can afford available to you.

Good luck.
Butterfly72 Apr 2020
Thank you for your answer. We belief that mom was coerced and now trying to work backwards to address the issue.
Jada824 Apr 2020
Is there a secondary or alternate POA assigned? If there is, then that person should step in. Can you contact a lawyer to get legal advice over the phone?

At least the doctors, social workers, etc know what your sibling is doing & if there is an APS where you are they should be mandated to contact them for your mom’s safety.

I’m so sorry to hear you & your mom are going through this situation & I hope everything works out for you.
Butterfly72 Apr 2020
Thank you for your answer. There is no secondary or alternate POA. Weekends cause me grief as I can never call anyone! Tomorrow is Monday and hope to speak ato the Social Worker. Thank goodness they are aware of my brother's life style and state of mind. I will post updates.
BarbBrooklyn Apr 2020
What is the equivalent of Adult Protective Services in Canada? It sounds as though your mother needs for the state (or Province) to become her guardian.

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