How long is it healthy to grieve for a lost parent...and still hold her as #1 over a girlfriend???

I just skimmed over you posts. I found "I am a pleaser" and "he guilts me and calls me hard hearted". You were not his mothers keeper. You've done ur caregiving. I hope you are going to Florida. Don't allow him guilt you into not going. If he wants to be part of ur life he is going to have to learn ur an independent woman. At 74 you do what you want. If he wants to be part of that OK, but do not allow him to tell u how to live ur life. This is ur time. Please don't waste it on someone who is selfcentered.

Your last post was Dec 16th and you were planning on going away. Hope u did.

Now its Jan 7, 22 days later. So in that time your BFs mother has died? And you think thats enough time to grieve. I would say that process doesn't start until the funeral is over and friends and family have gone home and you r now alone. From your posts BFs mother was #1. He has told you that.

Here's how I look at ur situation. You are more into him than he is you. You have said this is not the kind of relationship u want. And you deserve more. You deserve to be #1 in some ones life. Personally, I would back off. Keep your dignity. Give him space. Let him come to you all the way. Don't get excited over the first call. Make him work for you. You will feel so much better about yourself.

You can't put a timeline on grief. But I understand your point cause I always put my mom first and knew that my hubs was getting the leftovers.

My relationship is quite different now that my mom is gone. It's like I started to get to know my hubs again. Hasn't always been a positive experience but it's still a work in progress.

Along with the grief there will also no doubt be responsibilities in dealing with her estate, both physical possessions and any monetary assets. Both can occupy someone's attention for a considerable amount of time.

Up until December you were still considering yourself as "selfish". What's changed?

Snowbird, did your partner's mother pass away?

If so, it must be very recent.

When it comes to grief there is no right or wrong answer. But if the inability to deal with the grief is affecting your relationship, that would be a problem. Only you can decide how much you are able & willing to tolerate. assuming you are talking about your significant other, has he/she been to grief counseling or sought help yet?