Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
V
V1953B13M47 Asked December 2019

Resentment, what am I supposed to do?

I have been married for 19 years to my husband! Second marriage 8 grown children.. to which is doing good his children is up here mines isn't! Since I have been with man he has been sick, first it was prostate. Heart disease, cornery heart disease, kidney problem, he is a diabetic! Everything a person he has or had, he has it. He just had feet amputated because of his diabetes last year and a toe amputated 3 years ago. So he does have a lot of medical issues. I have been here and have been as understanding as I can be. Lately I have been a little resentful. I try not to be. I do everything for my husband, he is 70 and I am 66. I take care of everything! Don't get to go anywhere, no outlet at all and he doesn't seem to understand why I am this way. I am just tired! I felt like sometimes I am losing my mind! I have to regroup, keep myself busy, pray about it a lot! And he is one of those people that doesn't really show a person that he appreciates it! What am I supposed to do? Help

Katiekate Dec 2019
I am sorry for your situation. I can understand how this feels like a prison. In many ways it really is for you.

get him signed up for day care at a local facility. Most of them have some medical transport that they use.

you absolutely must have regular, scheduled time for yourself. You need to be taking care of you too.

it sounds to me like his diabetes is very advanced. He is at a sever risk of stroke and heart attacks. I am sure he knows this. Type 2 Diabetes also creates huge damage in the brain too. You really need to establish a pattern of respite care...do it now while he can still develop new patterns.

take very good care of you!!!

97yroldmom Dec 2019
Your marriage sounds like you were sentenced to 18 yrs of hard labor.
What would you like to do?

Call your Area Agency Of Aging for help. Each county has one.
I’ve attached a link where you can enter your zip code and find yours. See if you can have your husband evaluated for whichever services are available for his care. Look for a respite location for him to stay and take a break. Did he go for rehab after the amputation?
You need a change. You don’t have to make forever decisions about your relationship right now. A little distance between you might help reassess how you want to go forward.
Its not too late to teach him please and thank you. He might be handicapped in other ways but it’s never to late to be kind.

https://eldercare.acl.gov/Public/About/Aging_Network/AAA.aspx

ADVERTISEMENT


Mchllc1 Dec 2019
He may need to attend a day program or social programs a couple of days a week. You may have to have homecare a couple days of the week, or he can go to respite care. You need time to yourself, no matter what you do he will make you feel bad, don't take it personally, you husband is miserable and it's ok but he wants everything around him to feel the same way. This is called depression and it's real, we all go through it. You may need to have his medications evaluated. I have some years of experienced, I'm a owner of an Assisted living. Don't feel resentful. You need to be free also, you are human, if you don't find an outlet you will crack and may have a mental melt down and then you will need assistance. Take care of yourself 😊 it's IMPORTANT!!!

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter