She has dementia and three noninvasive brain tumors. I have 6 siblings and I am only getting minimal help from one. Mom has been so combative. She is totally transfixed on my husband. She has this idea that he is in to something bad. He is 70 years old, and is trying to make a good home for her. Where she is getting this I do not know. She has my Daddy's car. He died 4 years ago and she doesn't drive. She is obsessed with that car. She wants it out of here but she won't let my husband touch it to get it ready for inspection. It can't be moved. It worked her up so much last week that she had a stroke on Sunday. Please help me. I'm losing my peaceful home.
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You're being abused by mom and deserve to have a life that is not centered around her. we had to care for my FIL pretty extensively the 6 months before he died and my 3 daughters hated every second of it. They came first, and I was killing myself off trying to make dad happy and the girls and DH happy. Couldn't be done. At the time of his passing, we were looking into LTC for him.
Dh wasn't happy about it, so I told him the only other option was for HIM to move in with his dad and care for him before and after work, oh, and run home during lunch everyday to feed him. Just what I was doing.
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I don't know from your post if she was ever a caring mom before the major decline with her health. It would be a relief if she could spend some time away from your house in a setting for the elderly. These suggestions may sound mundane or obvious but the bottom line is that she is a very negative influence in your home which you and your husband don't deserve. If her health is of a nature that she may be heading towards a shortened life span ( I say this because you brought up tumors ) then perhaps she may not be around much longer. I am not suggesting that you wish that but stating the possible obvious that you are not looking at having to spend years with this grim reality. I hope you may be able to look into care for her outside of your home.
We can be caring offspring of our parents. I feel a responsibility for my mother and accept certain sacrifices I make for her sake but I don't believe we should be abused in the process. I realize these may be easy words I impart. I just think you need to attempt some change to the present situation.