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Seaturtle Asked March 2017

How do I have the conversation with Mom in assisted living that it's time to let me clean out the house?

Mom is not going home, but I have not told her yet. She believes she is on a month-to-month in the facility in case her cognitive impairment - which she is aware of - improves. She's been there a month. Home is unsafe for Mom, as she lives alone and has impaired short-term memory (Dad is also in Alzheimer's care but at a different facility). I'm the only child, live locally, but need to start thinking about longer-term strategies, like renting out the house to make ends meet as we're now paying for two assisted living facilities. Quick backstory: Mom had surgery in early January then fell in the hospital due to delirium from the anesthetic, broke her hip, had a second surgery and was in a nursing home for rehab for about 5 weeks before going to assisted living. The assisted living is actually memory care, as Mom's cognitive level slipped down another notch after the hospital stay and surgery. She's been going downhill for a couple of years; I took over all bill paying about 2 years ago and other tasks, like driving and handling all errands every weekend, taking her to see Dad at the other facility every Sunday, etc. I am exhausted. What is a good way - if any - to approach this with Mom? I can't keep going over to the house every day after work indefinitely, nor is it practical to keep the house unoccupied. I own my own home and don't want to live in the family home. When I tried to approach this with Mom in the nursing home, I told her that I was becoming overwhelmed with all the running back and forth and other tasks, and she pouted in response. I would welcome anyone's thoughts, thank you.

surprise Mar 2017
First, Do you have the POAs? Who does? If the POA authorizes you to clean up the house, that is enough to start work. You understand that she is not coming back, and I really don't feel that you need to stress her about cleaning it out. After all, to her, this is only a temporary situation. If you are simply cleaning it out so that it can be rented, the house is still available if she someday recovers. Keep some heirlooms, but don't stress about sharing the details.

I authorized a man mthr used to hire by typing up a letter with my address, cell number, and today's date at the top, with the dates work was authorized (from x to y), the address, the specifics (removal of cars, building materials, and household goods), and signed my name, Power of Attorney for Mthr's name, her mailing address. He said a policeman came by and asked what he was doing in a friendly way, and he pulled my letter out to show him. The police said it was ok, he did not need to see it, but the man was glad he had it just in case.

Even if you have the POA, I'd write a letter up To Whom It Concerns, saying that you and your helpers will be moving items from this property, signed Your Name Power of Attorney for Mom's Name.

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