How can I get Dad to shave?

Have you tried a shower chair? My other suggestion would be for a male (maybe your husband) help him in the shower? My dad has a podiatrist that comes to the house (fully covered by Medicare, doesn't matter if mobile or not) every 8 weeks or do. Would he let you set this up and perhaps soak and wash feet ahead of time? You can also purchase pre moistened and soapy adult wash clothes that are disposable. Warm up in microwave. Maybe he would be more receptive to the cleanliness issue from someone besides you. Does he have a grandson he is particularly close to that would be willing to help? Suggest he get cleaned up for a family portrait? Good luck I'll keep thinking

Many of these are great answers and I appreciate all of them. But dad is extremely difficult.

He will not leave the house AT ALL, not even to sit in the backyard anytime the weather is pleasant (!!). We have given up hope that any family dinners at Tgiving, Xmas, Easter, etc., will be physically uncomfortable for everyone as we have to jam 4 add'l people into the tiny brick ranch where dad, my husband and I live. These holidays were always a joy for me and my sister, as she would host them and they were a great respite for me. Dad won't go out. Our last holiday was Christmas 2013. Since then he literally has not be out of the house more than 4 times. Each time getting him out, for the essential purpose of seeing his doctor, took my sister, my husband and myself to coax, wheedle and then finally lose our tempers and with voices raised, to get him to go. We have since given up this fight and have home health care.

His one heath issue (besides dementia) is his circulatory system. He had a major pulmonary embolism in April 2013 that was arrested and treated. He is on daily oral medication for that. Otherwise, his BP is better than mine; his pulse and oxygen levels are wonderful.

He also saves his horrid behavior mostly for me, as I am the one he sees most. Around strangers he is Mr. Charm, ebullient and cracking jokes. This is aggravating. But yes I know: deal with it and live with it. I have been since February 2012. Still h*ll though.

We've also bought him a very nice electric shaver--won't use it, claims it "pinches" his skin. And the bathroom has a specially modified walk-in shower, no slippery surfaces at all; grab bars all around. Ideal for seniors. All this modifications were made long ago, by my mom and dad when they thought of their impending age. Doesn't make any difference. He still will not shower, will not shave. He looks like a street person.

This is the hardest job I have ever had in my entire life. Older sibling thought it was "no big deal, quit complaining", after caring for him for 3 months she threw in the towel and unceremoniously sent him back to live in his house, leaving my husband and I with no other alternative than to sell our home and move in with him. Dad cannot be left alone for longer than 5 hours at a time.

I consider it a blessing that I have a part time job at Starbucks, 5 hours, 5 days a week. Being able to escape from this prison and be around other people has helped my mental well being enormously.

How about an offer to take him to a barber for a haircut and shave. This worked for me with my uncle then it was easier to work on the shower once we bought a shower chair.

I had the same problem with my husband with dementia. He use to refuse to shower and this is a man who always showered every day. I think he felt if he was not going out he did not need to be clean. I now take him to adult day care three times a week and he gets up and shaves and showers without any resistance. He likes to look and smell good for "the girls at the day care".

Regarding bathing, I found a good article on this website. Hope it helps.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/elderly-parents-who-wont-shower-or-change-clothes-133877.htm

My 86 y/o stepmom showers once a week if we're lucky. She always smells like urine and her hair gets matted towards the end of the week. When I asked her why she did this, she told me she didn't sweat-therefore she wasn't dirty and she said she felt too vulnerable in the shower. Sometimes I have to threaten her with "I'm going to wash you if you haven't bathed by the time I get off work". Sometimes it works and other times, she freshens her hair, sprays on perfume and tries to convince me she's bathed when she hasn't. This is a tough one...good luck.

New2this, you have a good point about the lack of sense of smell. My Dad has admitted his nose doesn't notice smells like it use to. Plus one becomes "nose blind" to their own body odor, and wouldn't even notice if their bedding needed changing.

Maybe he's afraid he'll fall in the shower? Is there enough room for a shower chair in there? We put a chair in one of my GMA's showers, got a little hand held shower dealie that hooked up to the faucets, put a shower caddy down low where it could be reached for her soaps, etc. That way she could sit for the whole shower. She loved it! Did it as a "present", surprise. Oh, and also a sturdy little bench right outside shower to sit on to towel off, get clothes on. Might try some of the Men's shower gels, scrubby deals to add to the "gift", see if it entices him? Sometimes I wonder good older male's sense of smell is. (?) Maybe he really doesn't know he smells. I swear, house could be on fire, and DH wouldn't smell it.

We faced the same issue later in my folks life. Sometimes it's beligerance but sometimes it is fear of losing independence as they feel needing help with baths will invade their privacy. Elderly folks are not as comfortable with change/people/ help....they may fear/balk when what they consider their routine/life/future control may be drifting away. We bought my dad an electric razor, he sat in his own chair and shaved when he "wanted"-- we just bragged on him and how wonderful he looked-- had his favorite aftershave close by, told him he looked ready to go dancing. As far as bathing, we would tell him we were going to wash a load of clothes and needed to wash his outfit and he could change right back into it when his clothes were done. We also laid out a clean outfit or had him choose one, got his shower ready --- took him into bathroom to "exchange" his clothes and left him to his privacy for his shower. It is not the role we would like but when the elderly get to this point, they are more like teenagers and CREATIVITY and PATIENCE is A MUST.

;(

I went through the same situation with my father, who passed a few months ago. The only thing that worked was the threat of not joining us at a family outing. You can also buy body wipes for elders- saved our noses if we could get him to use them. For shaving, we sometimes took him to a barber to get a luxurious hot shave- worth every penny!

We experienced this non-hygienic situation too! One idea we tried -and it worked- was to discuss "going out to lunch/dinner". Dad would like the idea very much but if he wanted to join us, he had to groom himself and definitely bathe. So, about once a week we would treat him to a meal at a diner, IHOP, or local restaurant. It doesn't have to be very expensive and the change of scenery was nice too.

Well since May of 2016 has not happened yet, I am assuming it still has been a long time since his showering and shaving. There is nothing wrong with a beard, but showering is highly suggested. Bacteria is good on the skin, UP TO A POINT, and then it becomes a danger. You do not say what medical issues he has, and without dementia, unless you give him an ultimatum about showering and say you won't care for him, there probably isn't much you can do. Why would a live-in caregiver stay? You don't have to go over to see him either. Again, I would like to know more about your father's medical conditions.

Ah ha, Dad is revolting like a teenager would... just humor him, he's enjoying what he is doing.

One of my neighbors when he retired from work grew his hair long [now it's a long ponytail] and has a Santa Claus type beard.... for exercise he rides his bicycle all over the area wearing on his head a straw hat and on top of that straw hat is a safety bike helmet, it's comical looking :) He's is happy as a lark.