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Catlover Asked July 2014

How do you all deal with anxiety over hospice /imminent death situation?

HI all -- I'm spending part of the weekend with my aunt, who is under hospice care. Her condition has changed rapidly - she mostly sleeps, confuses night & day, and is very weak. Hospice says, just make sure she is comfortable, and call if anything changes. We are hiring a caregiver for the 8 pm to 8 am shift beginning Monday. I was there last weekend, when things were different. We had meals together, my aunt was going to bed at night, and getting up in the late morning/afternoon. She slept for 60 hours, starting Sunday night, only getting up to use the bathroom. Then, after an aide bathed her, she got up Wed. and had a "normal" day, eating, drinking water, etc. My partner has been there all week, 24/7, and is frazzled and burned out (understandably). My shift is tonight-Saturday-Sat. night, then partner takes over until caregiver starts Mon. night. I've lost both my parents, who had hospice care, so I'm not new to this. I'm scared of the unexpected. As I write this, I'm thinking if tonight is upsetting and crazy, I will get someone else to help me Sat. night. If I have to bribe a friend, or homeless person, I will. LOL. Thanks for listening. Any suggestions, I'm open to hearing. Please be gentle. Thanks.

Catlover Jul 2014
Thanks GardenArtist and pamstegman for your answers! I'm happy to say that it went well over the weekend. My dear aunt mostly slept, and I continued to reassure her that I was there if she needed me. I love the idea of cinnamon. Her favorite cookies are snicker doodles, which are liberally sprinkled with that! Yes, we all do have to face death at some time, and it requires courage for everyone involved. I feel I am doing what God (the Universe, or...) would have me do at this time.

pamstegma Jul 2014
It's Deja Vu all over again, and it takes you immediately back to the very moments you wish you could forget. Anxiety medication for yourself would be sensible and practical.

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GardenArtist Jul 2014
Remember that you're probably providing a level of comfort neither you or your aunt can quantify, just by being with her during this very difficult time.

Assuming she's in a terminal condition (because she's in hospice), you're providing her with comfort and the best care available during this stage of her life.

And you're probably doing the best thing that anyone can do by staying with her to provide comfort, to be there if she needs you, and make it clear she's not alone.

We all have to face death at some time, but you're ensuring that she's not doing it alone. For that, you can be very proud of yourself, your courage, and your willingness to support her.

For Saturday night, take something uplifting to read, and a jar of cinnamon. Seriously. It's a "feel good" spice and may actually help you remain calm.

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