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Loosingmyfather Asked January 2014

Sibling has isolated parent, removed from nursing home, Im very upset, any advice?

My sibling was trying to evict me from my parents home. I went and told my parent of this and he said "DONT MOVE" He didn't want his property to be sold. SO we revoked to POA "which he didn't remember giving to my sibling anyway. We went to court and the judge ruled in my favor. Stating my sibling didn't prove the new POA was now binding. Now I have gotten the police to go with me but he wont let me see my father. No phone calls, letters, etc Other family members seem to think its sad but they are no help....

terryjack1 Jan 2014
If your father wants you to visit and you are the POA, then you have a right to visit. If your father is incapable of managing his affairs then you can take legal action. I have seen cases like this where the family member is financially exploiting the parent or some other type of abuse is happening. As his POA you have a responsibility to your father and should make decisions that he would make if he were able. It's always a difficult situation when family members are unable to agree. Is it possible you can talk with your brother and say 'hey we're on the same side', maybe he will come around when he knows you both want what is best for your father. I know this doesn't help much, but you are not alone dealing with this type of situation-there are caregivers from all over that have had this type of situation to take place. You may also want to contact your local Area Agency on Aging for resources and assistance. You may need an attorney and they may be able to refer you to an attorney that specializes in elder law. Good luck.

gladimhere Jan 2014
Adult Protective Services probably has a 24 hour operator, service, something. They would have to because it seems to me that situations like this are not restricted to normal working hours and are EMERGENCIES. CALL THEM.

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Braida Jan 2014
Yep, to all the above. Your bro got mad because you went over his head and got POA from your Dad, giving your bro the boot in decision-making. You obviously wouldn't have done this, if your bro hadn't tried to have you evicted from you Dad's house. So now he's basically holding your Dad as ransom. Very childish, and too bad your Dad is caught in the middle of it. It must be hard on him to have this feud going on, and he's the "cause" of it in his mind. What a shame your bro started all of this in the first place, without coming and speaking to you in the first place. Siblings!! Whew. A curse or a blessing. Best of luck to you in getting this resolved.

gwen12 Jan 2014
I can only pile on to what others have said, by removing your father, he has potentially endangered your fathers life. Further he has committed fraud and upon investigation it may be shown that such action was for financial gain. This is a crime, call your lawyer or if he is not inclined towards criminal cases, call a lawyer who knows the ropes in this area. Contact the police, they may rebuff you but since you already have a lawyer in place with appropriate language/threats/or documentation in hand. they may be more receptive to you. Also, your father must have a physician, contact them and explain what has happened, he/she has knowledge regarding your fathers state of health and medications he requires. such information conveys additional urgency for action.from police and the courts. It will also help the lawyer to come up with all the potential charges he can dredge up, including felonies? The nursing home should also be assisting you, they enabled your fathers release based on the word of a lay person without confirming his condition, another possibility is your brother intimidated them verbally and physically and they had no choice. They could also tell you if your father willing wanted to accompany your brother.and was of sound mind to make this decision. What ever the answer they can be an ally in finding the truth and possibly want to press charges Regardless of the reason for your brothers action, start the process to acquire a restraining order to prevent your brother from approaching your father or you. The more your story unfolds as told, your brother is not demonstrating rationale behavior whether motivated by financial greed, or a lack of mental stability, you have to protect your father and yourself from further attacks. I am sure you are undergoing a great deal of anxiety so try to focus on plan of action. 1. Call Nursing Home, 2. Call lawyer, 3. Call doctor 4. Call police depending on result, call adult services and leave message. 5. If your father has a willing friend have him call your brothers house, perhaps he can at least determine his state of well-being.

Countrymouse Jan 2014
If you have POA, your brother must at the very least be guilty of fraud in misrepresenting his authority. Go back to the police. Raise Cain. Return with them to your brother's house, and insist that your father is seen either by you or by an official, accompanied by a doctor or (at a pinch) paramedic. Good luck.

Loosingmyfather Jan 2014
I have POA currently. Thats what alerted my brother to pull dad out of the NH. He told the nurses dad was having chest pains. The nurse asked him and he said no. My brother was insistent on an ambulance. In route to the hospital my brother changed direction to another facility. Ambulance company said he was delivered but the ER never showed him being admitted. Now he is @ my brothers house and I havent had contact with him in over a month.

HelpNoregon Jan 2014
Not sure kidnapping is the one that's going to get action. Questions about health conditions & treatment & are needs being met that's a social services call from where I sit.
But you have received really sound advice get a elder attorney, quickly.

Don't begin to understand the weird/nasty/behavior that I've endured, just except it as nothing you can do to change their minds, but you can make an impact on your parents safety & living conditions.
I was out of state & my sister cut off communication & refused to answer my email. I sent a registered letter that she had to sign & she received notification that I was coming to see mom & implied that authorities would be called, long story short, she "let" me see mom, but it just got weirder as time went on.
My mom died alone & I feel really bad about that but there is only so much you can do & only so much you can take responsibility for.
Good luck in your struggle, try not get down in the dirt with the siblings, your parent is proud of you, remember those things & hopefully it will help you thought this difficult time

ferris1 Jan 2014
Redhed - family matters are usually civil matters unless they escalate into physical bodily harm or there is damage to property. Police don't like to interfere with family matters, because it becomes a "he said" "she said" type of argument when no one can prove what took place. Of course there is always video...so one has proof.

Countrymouse Jan 2014
If the NH relied on a invalid POA giving your brother the authority to remove your father from the NH, that's the point at which your brother crossed the line. Go back to the police with the judge's order and get them to act on that basis; and call in APS for good measure - has anybody seen your father to check on his welfare? Kidnapping sounds about right to me; but if you want more certainty, consult the lawyer who helped you on the POA matter. Don't let the grass grow! Good luck.

Redhed Jan 2014
Why is this a civil matter to the police? Your brother has kidnapped your father.

norestforweary Jan 2014
You need an elder law attorney......

norestforweary Jan 2014
You have the valid POA now...... When someone resorts to drastic measures,, it makes me question their motives. Actions speak in loud volume! I could see if parent's property had to be consolidated to pay for their nursing home care, but he was yanked out of the nursing home. As POA you have the authority to act in your parents best interest. Where is your parent now? How is the present care? Can you get in touch with your area office on aging to make sure the care is ok?
Does your parent have dementia or can he speak to make any decisions for himself? While your parent was in nursing home did you have regular contact with him?

gwen12 Jan 2014
Both prior comments are right on target, unless your brother owns the property where your father is resident how can he influence your entry? In addition to the attorney, I would contact adult services, since you cannot access your father, you have no insight as to his level of care or health.While binding and correct, it takes time to go through the courts, adult services can acquire access and at least evaluate his current situation. It is analogous to someone expected of child abuse, if a shadow of doubt exists they can trump even parental rights. Knowledge of your father's well being will at least short term give you information as to his state of mind and care. If your brother is not meeting his needs then move to guardianship which really puts you in the driver's seat, but does carry great responsibility and in some states liability, again a step to discuss with the attorney. I also would suspect that as stated by the second comment that money may be at the center of your brother's behavior, has your past relationship provided you insight that he is attempting to acquire financial gain? Much of this response is based on assumptions extracted from your initial information. If you could relate: Why did the judge not support the validity of the POA held by your brother? If it was due to your fathers state of mind, then the will written when he was of sound mind prevails. Who if anyone holds medical and fiduciary POA? Who owns the property where your father resides? Is he in good health and if not does he suffer from memory issues diagnosed by a physician. How was your brother able to prevent your entry in the presence of police officers? Could you clarify, if not me others with more knowledge could be helpful if they have more information.

ferris1 Jan 2014
I know what the police said. "It is a civil matter." I had a similar circumstance with my brother living with my mother and smoking, and I got him evicted because I got an order of protection against him. Consult an family elder attorney to get this heard before an impartial judge. If your father is still competent, then he can revoke this other POA, but if his doctor has stated he is not, I'm afraid your brother holds the cards. Try and talk to him in a calm, reasonable way so as not to alienate you from your father anymore. Maybe you could set up a time schedule where you could visit your father. My prayers are with you because I had and continue to have estrangement from my siblings and mother died in 2002.

angiiiii Jan 2014
All about the money me dear, it is happening all the time....itbrings out the b.....ds in people. We have just discovered 44k pounds unaccounted for between accts.
Virtually removed, through lies, from a will.
Go to a lawyer, and get them to write to brov and Dad. Learn from others mistakes.

pamstegma Jan 2014
So now you go back to court and get visitation rights.

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