Mom is frantic at 3 a.m. from a bad dream about one of her children and just won't settle down. Any suggestions?

Warm, wet washcloths wrapped around both hands. Seriously. Amazing how it works. Then talking through how horrible it is to have a realistic bad dream. Do a quick hand and forearm massage, and back to bed.

I agree with Jeanne - yeah, thanks bro, you've been a big help.

The only other thing I'd do is ask her about the dream (I realise that at 3 am you may not really be in the mood, but…) and see if talking about it helped her separate out what couldn't be real. Then say "you wouldn't want to wake him at this time, let's call first thing tomorrow and check everything's ok." It would work on my mother because she's not (yet) so far gone you can't bring her back to reality - it depends on how rational your mother is still able to be, I suppose?

Boy oh Boy, I go through the asking about parents who would now be 114, and panic because her little girls must be missing because they should be home. And it often goes on for hours. These are not bad dreams but happen while sundowning usually. I have reassured, but what seems to work best if affirmation. I tell her the little girls are out they will wake her when they get home, working on a school project, spending night with friends, whatever I think will work at that particular moment. It is a best guess game.

The parents one is the hardest to deal with because when I affirm saying she just talked to them yesterday, sometimes she will then state, so they are still alive? What is a stressed daughter caregiver to do?

My mother in law age 94 asks everyday to either go visit her parents or talk to them. It used to just happen late afternoon/early evening when she is sundowning. It now happens more often than that. We try to explain to her. You can try to reassure her. Sit on the edge of bed and try to talk about something pleasant? I've heard sometimes people may have nightmares when they have a low blood sugar. Maybe a protein snack before bed? I know its hard!!!

Yeah, well, you were sleeping too at 3 am, weren't you? What a jerk. (At least in regard to this incident.) I think your idea of calling him was good. Too bad he didn't cooperate.

All I can think of is hugs, maybe a back rub, a soothing cup of tea or cocoa, and lots of reassurance. Maybe talking about her good memories of your brother as a child and later would help.

When I wake up from a bad dream I like to leave the lights on, and perhaps read a while. (I've been known to read with my eyes closed.)