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talfonso Asked April 2013

My bedridden elder wants to go to the bathroom for BM! What should I do?

I'm really at my wit's end at this! My elder is bedridden and wears briefs. I gave her the bedpan, but she refuses. She wants to go to the bathroom but she is very weak and bedridden. Putting on the bedpan to urinate is pretty simple, but I'm beyond ANNOYED and SCARED of the defecation part (BM on the bedpan)!

I just placed extra incontinence pads on her bed because I'm so afraid of her soiling the bedsheets. I tell her to make poo poo in her briefs, but she refuses and tries to get up to go to the bathroom.

What should I do about this? I am really going MAD over it! I have high-functioning autism and my daily routine is already a WRECK! Can you give me sound advice on dealing with this! I'm really at MY END OF MY ROPE!

talfonso Apr 2013
Babylettuce - I do have a commode, but I'm afraid that she will fall even with it. The last time she used it was when she was wheezing and gurgling and I have to help her with it. She's even too weak to even use a commode.

Forget about the Foley, either. She is so strong-willed that she'd pull it out. That happened three times already.

Chicago1954 Apr 2013
Is it easier to clean her up, than to get her to the bathroom? I can understand her needing to sit on the toilet. Can she wipe herself?

I am betting that she needs her privacy.

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babylettuce Apr 2013
She might be able to use a bedside commode. You can purchase (check online) or if she is on Hospice, they will provide you with one. She needs to be on Hospice if she isn't already. They have aides, nurses, and social workers to help you cope. They can give you tips and instruction on how to move her, change the bed if it does get soiled, etc. She might respond better to a nurse (authority figure) telling her what she must do for her safety and comfort. You need some hands-on help and a break from her. You're pretty brave to take this on and I admire you for it!

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