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Kylee5 Asked April 2013

When they do an evaluation and mom starts yelling and screaming that she doesn't belong in AL they may not accept her. Then what?

sunflo2 Apr 2013
Agree with other post. Consult elder attorney and make sure you understand how the AL or memory care system works. Consult the "legal" tab on this website. My understanding is that even with DPOA for financial and medical, you can't force them into facility even if you have medical POA. You can "make medical decisions regarding feeding, medicating, care" but you can't force a person into a care facility against their will -- especially if they have means $$ to have in home care and that is their preference.

Make sure you understand AL or Memory care system policies and how they will handle. If she gets violent and strikes somebody, what is their policy? Will they medicate? calm her? If this is reoccurring will they still keep her there or will they tell you that you will have to transfer her to another facility? Will they call you constantly when she is combatitive or crying and make you hire additional help $$ to babysit her during these crisis because they aren't staffed for one on one constant care. These are real scenarios you should understand and have in writing with any contractual agreement when you move to such a facility.

sharynmarie Apr 2013
It all comes to laws that protect a person's right to not be restrained. Communities should have someone who can talk to your mother to calm her. If they are not willing to talk her down and calm her, then most likely you will have get a conservatorship/guardionship. It varies from state to state. The state I live in it is a conservatorship. My mom's elder law attorney told us that it is illegal to restrain a person against their will even if they are mentally incompetent. He advised us to wait and see how mom reacts to being in AL and how the personnel handle it if she should try to leave by calling a taxi,etc. Some communities will want legal paperwork to restrain the person, others will try talking them down, calming them and redirecting their thoughts. He also advised us not to talk about this with the community in advance...just wait and see what happens. If push comes to shove then her attorney will file for a conservatorship for dementia which will allow the community to stop her from leaving. My advise to you is to seek the advice of an elder law attorney before you have the evaluation. Get all your ducks in a row before you do anything, it will be worth it in the long run. I wish you the best and keep us informed as to how it progresses. It is very helpful to others going through the same thing as you. Hugs!!

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jeannegibbs Apr 2013
Well, then maybe she doesn't belong in assisted living. Are you also looking into dementia care facilities, who may have better resources to deal with this situation?

I'm sure that most ALFs have plenty of experience with people who would rather not be there, but many of them are not well equipped to deal with the outbursts of dementia. Look for care centers that specialize in compassionate care for those with dementia.

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