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msk42948 Asked April 2012

What are my rights when my mother lives with me and I want to put her in independent living?

she has sold her home and car and has already lived with my older brother, now me after he couldn't take it anymore. She has no other option. Can she refuse to go to a home when I no longer want her here. She is in good health and quite independant, but very controlling and I believe she has NPD(nacissistic personality disorder.

Labs4me Aug 2013
Unless you are her guardian you are not legally responsible for providing her a home. Moral obligation is not the same as legal obligation. It is your choice and your life and your right to live it the way you choose.

jeannegibbs Apr 2012
I don't think that you can determine where she lives, except that you can insist that it is not with you. You can also specify how many times a week (if any) you are willing to provide driving services.

If you are willing to drive her paces twice a week and she picks a place that requires a lot more than that, she'll have to call taxis or use public transportation, etc. She needs to factor that cost/inconvenience into her decision-making.

Is it a certainty that she is moving out, and it is just a matter of deciding where to?

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msk42948 Apr 2012
Hi Nancy, She has some money that she is always afraid to part with. The place I am looking at has a Veteran subsidy toward rent that would make it very affordable. Without touching her money she would still have enough spending money a month with SSI and pension. My concern is more can she legally refuse to leave my home? She wants to get an apt with none of the services included at the retirement home (independant living), which would offer me no relief since she does not drive. That is just not going to happen. And yes I do give my brother kudos! Thanks!

NancyH Apr 2012
sorry, stupid typing fingers... And tell your brother how sorry you are that he had to have your mother for as long as he did, you give him kudos.

NancyH Apr 2012
Are you assuming she's going to say 'no' to going into asst. living, or have you already been down this road with her? If she does indeed say 'no' is it because she's worried about her money running out? Asst. living is expensive to say the least, and my mother-in-law who lives in one, is always asking me if her money is still holding up. I'd say, put your head together with your brothers', and come up with a plan of getting your mother out of your house and into asst. living. And tell your brother

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