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Loralj Posted November 2022

My MIL is driving me crazy!

I moved in with my boyfriend 8 yrs. ago. And she was living with him at the time. As soon as I moved in it started. She would say how he didn’t like certain foods or he wouldn’t like this or that. Telling me how to do his laundry or clean the house. I started packing my bags about 3 yrs. into our relationship but I stayed. Hoping that things would get better lol, that was a joke. She pushes every button! I clean and she’ll mess up and just leave it there, like it wasn’t clean when she used it. This has been going on this whole time. I’ve tried to talk to him about it but nothing ever gets done about it. I’m at my breaking point 8 yrs. of her is way too much. I stay in my bedroom a lot just so I don’t have to interact with her. Or I leave and go to my dad’s and stay awhile lol it’s ridiculous. Him and I can’t even have a conversation without her coming around and standing there listening to us talk. When she does that I just go to my room. I cook every night for all 3 of us and she never offers to help clean the kitchen, NEVER ONCE. She’ll leave her dishes by the sink for the maid to get. That’s how I’m starting to feel, I’m their maid. He also texts her when he’s getting a package in the mail and she’ll wait on it by the door. We recently remodeled the kitchen. Him and I boxed everything up and literally tore out everything ourselves. With no help from her. She’s 69 and in great shape no health problems. She never offered to help with anything. So when we finished the kitchen after 10 months lol she thought she was going to bring in her decorations lol I told him that wasn’t going to happen. She never helped do anything why should she decorate it? She told me someone gave her the things she set out and I told her they didn’t match the kitchen, which they didn’t and she moved them. I immediately put my home decor out before she put anything else out. For Christmas one year she gave him a pair of boxers that looked like Santa’s outfit that was inappropriate. I think she has a weird thing for him. Like they act like they are married sometimes. It’s disgusting! Lord help me! I already feel deep down that I’m the one that’s going to move because he has picked her over and over again. 😔

Beatty Nov 2022
You chose to stay.
You are free to choose again.
To change your mind at any time.

"I already feel deep down that I’m the one that’s going to move because he has picked her over and over again."

What does your BF say in response to you explaining those feelings?

freqflyer Nov 2022
Loralj, as soon as your boyfriend had moved into Mom house, or Mom moved into his, the parent/child dynamic started. Once again his Mom is the parent and your boyfriend became the child.

Since his mother is seeing her son as a child, she is also viewing you as an intruder as in her mind her son is too young to be in a relationship. His Mom is trying everything to make you want to move.

As for his Mom helping remodeling the kitchen, believe me at 69 that would have been difficult for her to do. She does have a "health problem", it's called age decline that hits all of us once we hit a certain age. Some earlier than others.

Is there a reason you are not working outside of the home, working someplace, any place to get some get away time from boyfriend's Mom. At least to make some money so that you could move out and be on your own.

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LoopyLoo Nov 2022
Eight years is too long to be BF/GF. He has no intention of committing to you, ever. He loves Mommy more.

I think you know this is doomed. Move out ASAP. It’s scary to have so much change at once, but this is no way to live your life.

Daughterof1930 Nov 2022
Time to move out and move on with your life. Someone isn’t wanted and doesn’t fit into this home and unfortunately for you, it’s you. I’m sorry you’ve wasted years on a momma’s boy who won’t grow up and his mother who rules the roost. I hope your next years will find real happiness in a new life

JoAnn29 Nov 2022
As Lealonnie and MJ said. If you feel like the maid, your the maid with some fringe benefits. As said, you moved in her house. He may own it but she was allowed to do what she wanted with it.

I had something similar with my MIL. My DH bought our house before we married. He remodeled it and his Mom helped to paint and made drapes for every room of the house. She also sirt of decorated it. When the remodel was done, DH asked me to marry him. How I decorated was all left up to me. So, as time went by I changed things to my taste. But my MIL would still buy things for the house. My DH told her it was now my home and there was no need for her to buy things anymore. There was one more incident. Not long after that we had to replace the front door knob...she did not get a key.

You should have left 5 yrs ago. 8 yrs is a long time to put into a relationship that has really never worked. Time to get out on ur own. He can visit. May be better than you have now.

lealonnie1 Nov 2022
Think of it like this: your boyfriend's mother is 69 and in good health. She can live another three DECADES, or 30 years, with you cooking and cleaning for her and sonny, and soon enough, add CARING FOR HER to your list of duties. That was the plan all along, especially if don't have a job working outside the home.

You can add in all the "lol"s you'd like, but there's nothing funny about the situation you've willingly accepted for the past 8 years.

What is your plan to change it?

MJ1929 Nov 2022
1. She's not your mother-in-law.
2. You're temporary, she's permanent.
3. She was there first.

funkygrandma59 Nov 2022
Your supposed boyfriend has made it LOUD and clear to you who is his number one priority,(and it's not you) and it's taken you 8 years to figure that out? Really???
I would have been gone long ago, and that's what you now need to do.
You deserve SO much better!!! Do you not see that?
His mother should never have moved in with him to begin with, especially since she's in good health and has no good reason to not be living on her own. Except the fact that they do have an unhealthy relationship, and now you're caught in the middle of it.
Tell your honey your moving out and get on with your life. And PLEASE learn from this mistake to make sure you don't end up once again as the third wheel in a relationship.

Isthisrealyreal Nov 2022
So you moved into a house that already had a mistress and thought you would take over. Doesn't ever work well.

Your dutiful little boy has shown you where he stands, for 8 years, you believe him yet?

Go get a life and leave these 2 to it.

Oh, a mom buying funny underwear for her son isn't inappropriate. He is her little boy.

bundleofjoy Nov 2022
dear OP,

i know this will not be your preferred solution, but:

how about you break up with him, move out of his house, start a new life, and fall in love with another man?

in addition to all the other problems you mentioned in your post:
8 years and he doesn't want to marry you. not a good sign. better alone, than badly accompanied.

don't stay longer, lose more time, get older, and later regret you lost even more time. you can start a new life now. hug!!

AlvaDeer Nov 2022
You say she was there when you moved in and it went wrong from the beginning and that you cannot even discuss any of this with your boyfriend with any privacy at all.
It isn't clear to me whether or not you are married or this is you BF, but it hardly matters. It WAS clear to you early on that it didn't work. Nothing has changed.
In my book your only choice is then clear, isn't it? The ball (your own life) is in your court and I wish you good luck with decision making. You have had some tough lessons with past decisions (like moving in and staying). But some of the best lessons are the toughest. Best out to you.

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