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Msblcb Posted November 2022

My mom has died.

No question here.


Just news, that after weeks of decline, my mother passed away this past Wednesday. Having been a caregiver for more then 10 years, I am sad that I found this forum so late in the process.


Most of you who post are so much more articulate and experienced than I, but hind sight is 20/20. What has been obvious to me:


Increased confusion can be caused by many things -UTI, Potassium, thyroid, etc. Don’t assume it is a natural decline. My mom did have more days because we identified issues that could be corrected.


Call hospice in early- they were incredible in these last days, but I (and mom ) could have benefited from their expertise much sooner had I known.


No matter how much love and care you give your LO you will second guess. You cannot know what would have happened had you taken a different path. (That is what I keep telling myself).


At least for me, I was exhausted, frustrated, felt used, cheated of life etc…but.the moment she took her last breath, I wished I had it all back. My heart is broken.


So, I am officially not a caregiver now. I have my life back but have lost my mother. The grief is much worse than the caregiving burden.


Thanks to all that directed me and provided sound and real solutions for each step of the way. It made my journey more effective and made my mom’s life more comfortable.


 


What a precious gift you have been.


 


God bless!

babsjvd Nov 2022
Hugs to you and peace.

what a nice post you have written. A gift you have passed on… I too wish I had found this forum earlier. My mom passed in May.

Fawnby Nov 2022
Sincere condolences, I am so sorry.

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Daughterof1930 Nov 2022
I’m so sorry for your loss. When we are without a beloved mother I think it’s a special kind of pain, and I’m sorry you’ve joined our number. Thank you for sharing your insight here. I wish you peace and the comfort of memories of happier times in the days ahead

CoopHeath Nov 2022
I am so sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself you deserve the care right now.
Hugs!

AlvaDeer Nov 2022
Msblbc, I love your writing us, and I love all the things you said. Even in grief you are reaching out to help others who are still facing the terrible loss you are now experiencing, and that--to me--does great honor to you and your loved one.
I surely do hope that you stay on the Forum. We so need your voice in answering others who are amidst the trauma of caring for loved ones. Please stay and please answer, or take the time you need in healing and return to us.
I came to Forum when my brother was diagnosed with Lewy's, and he is now gone over a year and one half. When I came here I was traumatized and confused, and very anxious. The support here so helped me, and I have never left. We need YOU!
Again, my condolences, and thank you so much for sharing your wisdom.

newbiewife Nov 2022
My deepest condolences on the loss of your mother. You will no doubt have a wide gamut of feelings in the days and months that follow--sorrow and grief, relief, (unwarranted) guilt about things you feel you could have done differently or guilt because you feel relief that you are free from the burden of caregiving.

You write very articulately, and I think your insights and the experience you share can be very helpful to your fellow caregivers. Please consider continuing to read and post on this Forum once you are feeling up to it. A lot of posters here, myself included, are no longer, or not currently, caregivers but are still involved. And many of us are aging ourselves so find it helpful to still "hang around" here.

Geaton777 Nov 2022
Your epilogue to the forum is a poignant gift to those of us who are currently on this path. May your receive the perfect peace of God as you mourn her loss, and have solice from the sweet memories of your time spent together.

funkygrandma59 Nov 2022
You too are quite articulate as your post was well written. You said what most if not all of us caregivers have thought and felt along the way. And your right, the grief you're feeling now is nothing like the grief you have felt all along this journey, because this is now permanent, and you will now have to learn how to navigate this life without your precious mom.
You did a GREAT job caring for her so please don't ever second guess yourself. You did the very best you could and that is all any of us can do.
May God bless you and keep you as you go forward in the days, weeks and months ahead without your mom.

BarbD25 Nov 2022
I am truly very sorry for your loss of your mom. My heart goes out to you. She was blessed to have you as her child.

AnnReid Nov 2022
Beautifully said, and also grateful for your sensitivity, wisdom, and generosity of Spirit for sharing.

May you benefit while moving forward from your precious memories.

Love and Peace from Ann.

Isthisrealyreal Nov 2022
Msb, I am so sorry for your loss.

May The Lord give you grieving mercies, strength and peace for this new season.

You were a blessing to your mom and you gave her life quality, remember this when you are second guessing your actions. Which you shouldn't IMO.

Great big warm hug!

BarbBrooklyn Nov 2022
Msblcb, I'm so sorry that your mom is gone.

Please stay and lend your hard won insights to others on this journey.

((((Hugs)))).

CaregiverL Nov 2022
I'm so sorry for your loss. HUGS

Gershun Nov 2022
So sorry for your loss. Words fail me at times like this. Just know that those of us who have been on the caregiving journey and then the loss that follows feel for you and wish you well during the grief journey.

You did all you could. Just this afternoon I was saying to my hubs that everybody needs a person in their life who they can trust and depend on when times get tough. I said I am glad that I was that for my mom. Be happy that you were that for yours.

97yroldmom Nov 2022
You have written a beautiful post that represents how many of us come to feel but perhaps can’t imagine until we pass that marker.
“I have my life back but have lost my mother. The grief is much worse than the caregiving burden.”
Take care and thank you for sharing.

ArtistDaughter Nov 2022
So sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I know exactly how you feel. It was a year ago that Mom passed after over 10 years of being her caregiver, advocate, and fellow dreamer going along with her on her journey backwards through Alzheimer's world. I too wish I'd found this site sooner, but it was helpful in the couple of years that I was given excellent advice. Be well with your special memories and go ahead and cry. A lot.

Msblcb Nov 2022
Thank you! My gratitude for your insight is greater than I can express. Thank you for sharing your wisdom,

Cover999 Nov 2022
I'm so sorry for the death of your mom. She is at peace now.

Take time and care for yourself

(((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))

Prayers and Blessings

Bridget66 Nov 2022
Sorry for your loss.

lealonnie1 Nov 2022
I'm so sorry to read this news, words can't even say. My heartfelt condolences are being sent out to you this evening, my friend. Sending you a hug and a prayer that God helps you find the peace you deserve now, and to know your mom is at perfect peace now herself.

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