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drzard Posted October 2012

87 yo mom had a stroke and medicare rehab benefit is running out and 86 yo dad wants to care for her in their home. Family is all opposed.

Medical staff at skilled nursing facility agree with family that he can not care for him adequately and safely. He is in complete denial about her deficits and is determined to bring her home in two weeks.

jeannegibbs Oct 2012
Mother wants to stay in a care facility and medical advice is to stay in a care facility. That should settle it. When you say "he has money" is it really his money or is it jointly owned? And what does he want to save it for ... their old age?

Prove that you learned well and you can be just as stubborn as he is. Do what is best for both of them. See that Mother goes directly from rehab to a long-term care facility.

drzard Oct 2012
Mother wants to stay in a care facility as she needs help with everything and doesn't want to be a burden and knows that he is clumsy and short on patience. He has the money but is cheap and does not want to fork over the $$ for her care. We all think he will last maybe 48 hours and put her in care. Is this a live and learn situation even with her safety foremost? And I thought two yo were stubborn!

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jeannegibbs Oct 2012
I'm afraid that it will be much harder to get her into a care center if she goes home first. Better to bite the bullet now, place her in an appropriate facility, and deal with Dad's distress now. This is a huge blow for him, and he'll need your love and support, but you must do what is best for Mother.

As a practical matter, what is Mother's attitude? Is she able to make an informed decision? Who has durable power of attorney? Will she be private pay or does she need to apply for Medicaid?

The weeks coming up will be very challenging for everyone. Best luck to you all!

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