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Sallysee, That may not be possible. To convince an adult child that Mom is anything but what she was 20-3- years ago is not easy. Being closer, you see the memory losses, the times of day she is better or worse, the situations that confuse her more. All the far away sister know is what Mom tells her and if moms' memory is messed up? Just make sure the other siblings are in the loop, as you are doing!! God bless!
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My mom is 93; I go over to her house every single morning to make sure that she takes her medicine, drives her to the store, the library, the doctor, or just somewhere fun sometimes. i think she does pretty well, but I notice that she does much better when its just me and her, not my siblings with their children. But her short term memory loss really bugs one of my sister. Mom will tell her that she hasn't talked to any of the other children (there are 5 of us) in months and months - when I personally help her Skype my brother in California every single Sunday at noon; my other sister calls every single morning at 8:30Am, and my other brother, who lives 3 hours away, comes up every three weeks and takes her and me to lunch at a local restaurant. The younger sister (she is somewhat of an outcast in the family) is enraged that 'no one is visiting Mom." How can I tell her to back off? This sister rarely visits, but insists that mom should go to a home. The rest of the siblings are thrilled that Mom can live in her house at age 93 and have a pleasant life. I tell the younger sister, Mom is NEVER going to be 73 again; she'll NEVER be 83 again, but for 93, yeah, she's doing good. I guess what I am asking, is how can I make a 'far away' adult child realize that our mother is normally aging?
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Thanks, I do online banking as well for my mom. Pay credit cards and print up her bank statement everytime her SSN comes into the bank. My problem are the checks she writes to my niece, not knowing how much until I pull up the bank statement on line. We've talked to my niece and my sister, but they still except the money from Mom. She doesn't have that much money, but the account is building up because she's living with us now and only pays us a little each month for living here.
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Hi, I take care of my 80 year old dad who has short term memory loss also. I do all of his banking on line and the stress level for he and I has dropped. He will write a check once in a while for certain things but nothing like before. We would have such a hard time, especially when writing hospital bills.. On line banking saved us from all the hassel.
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I take care of her in our home, we moved her here in March plus took her car away. The only checks she writes are for groceries(I'm with her), sneaks checks to my niece for up to $100 and pays for her gas when she comes down to visit her with children.. My sibblings wanted her in an Ass't Living place, but she's not that bad off. She does have mood swings and today thinks someone stole some of her blouses -- a few are missing, in her mind.
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At age 95, no one should be writing checks. Who cares for her financially?
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My 91 blind wheelchair bound mother lives in an ALF in Florida. I live in California. She had 15,000 left in her account and a condo which I am joint tenant. We are keeping the condo, but there are costs which I am contributing. I just stopped talking to my mother 2 weeks ago at the advice of the dr. who said she will always blame me even if I am an angel, because until she accepts she has to be there and it is the best for her and it wasn't my decision, although I found it after the dr's ordered it when she broke her leg, I will never win in a telecon. I love waking up not talking to her but sending $100 for hair do and personals. Pray. I'm 64 and want to live!!! You need to too. But you may have to get her settled somewhere with supervision. You will know when you know. Love to you
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Yes, I have durable POA and power attorney on Healthcare
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Realize that she has dimentia or alzheimers and try not to take it personally, any more than if she had cancer or diabetes. Does someone have durable POA? Sounds like she still wants to handle her affairs. My dad's sister had to be left alone to be nuts, sometimes nice, sometimes kicking my dad and accusing him, until one day she was sitting in the back of her car with the motor running and the officer who was called asked her where she was going. She said, "China". That is what it took to get a conservatorship over her affairs.

Get some advice from attorneys, although costly, and there is adult protective services if she is a danger to herself.

It's horrible. Good luck and maybe photocopy what she does and show it to her and keep a journal.
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At 95 you and her are truly blessed. When my mom was at that stage she would tell ever body that I was taking her money and that I was not feeding her. First of all she has no money. Then when my sister came to me and said something to me about it I just told her if she did not like the job I was doing with mom she could take care of her. I was not taking any money and she was getting feed. So now that she is in the last stage NO ONE comes around or calls. So if I was you don't worry about it and enjoy the time you have together and make as many memories as you can.
Good Luck to You.
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Thank you for the help. I have one set of her blank checks and they do have carbon copy. Just went over her bank statement printed from online and she just doesn't understand where all the money went and why she doesn't have more. My husband suggested to tape record her, especially when she tells me to do something or agrees with me. Think I'll give that a try as well.
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When I first began as POA for my mother-in-law, the bank suggested that I make sure all the checks I write are the carbon copy type. My m-i-l has no short term memory, so she left all the finances to me, at the time. I on the other hand was worried because of the memory thing, so I made sure to add one other son as POA also. Although I am still the one that pays the bills, I appreciate that fact that all three brothers ( I'm married to #3) can check up on my dealings at any time, via the internet. Her memory was so bad when I first started as POA, I felt like tape recording everything she told me to do with her money. I'm thinking, 'no one is going to believe what she just told me to do'. It was scary I gotta say. An example was when, about 6 months after her husband died she decided to give all the boys $10,000 each. I tried to talk her out of it telling her to wait, but she was adamant. So, she and I went to the bank and made out 3 cashier checks. I distributed them as per ordered, but two days later I was with her and mentioned again how appreciative we were for them money. She turns to me and asks 'what money?' I nearly had a stroke. After much reminding her of what had taken place, she did remember. THANK GOD! So make sure everything you do as POA is transparent to the family, recorded somehow, and be ready to explain and remind constantly to her. I repeat myself so often now, that I have to ask normal people if I've told them that story already. ha.
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At age 95 with short term memory loss, it is surprising she is still sharp enough to write checks to you at all. I would be thankful for that much and let it go. As Pandoralou says: a little humor goes a long way. Enjoy the time you have left with her and let her feel that she is still among the living--warts and all.
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They do that sort of thing all the time, I would not get upset about it. I would just reassure her that she wrote only one check and that you would not take another check, since you already got the first one. With my mom, a little humor goes a long ways. She told my sister I stole from her and then a short time later, when my sister asked what I had taken, she was outraged at the thought that I had taken anything! I can't keep up with her.
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Would the be considered Dementia. At the age of 95 now sure if just old age or a form of short term memory. Her Doctor doesn't feel there is anything that can be done and that Exelon or Aricept would help at her age. Thank you for your answer, it will help me.
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1. Show her the bank records.
2. But don't expect that to resolve anything, either in the moment or permanently.
3. Realize that she is likely to forget accusing you of things, too, not just forget the stuff that would keep her from accusing you.
4. Realize that paranoia is not uncommon in the elderly.
5. Protect yourself by keeping meticulous records -- anyone handling money for another person should always do this.
6. Try not to be wounded in your heart. It's not "how can my own mother accuse me of stealing?" It's "oh my, look how whacked out her brain functioning has become."
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