Mom is 95-years-old and has short term memory. She wrote me a check for a certain amount, then two days later accused me of cashing a second check. What should I do?

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1. Show her the bank records.
2. But don't expect that to resolve anything, either in the moment or permanently.
3. Realize that she is likely to forget accusing you of things, too, not just forget the stuff that would keep her from accusing you.
4. Realize that paranoia is not uncommon in the elderly.
5. Protect yourself by keeping meticulous records -- anyone handling money for another person should always do this.
6. Try not to be wounded in your heart. It's not "how can my own mother accuse me of stealing?" It's "oh my, look how whacked out her brain functioning has become."


Would the be considered Dementia. At the age of 95 now sure if just old age or a form of short term memory. Her Doctor doesn't feel there is anything that can be done and that Exelon or Aricept would help at her age. Thank you for your answer, it will help me.
They do that sort of thing all the time, I would not get upset about it. I would just reassure her that she wrote only one check and that you would not take another check, since you already got the first one. With my mom, a little humor goes a long ways. She told my sister I stole from her and then a short time later, when my sister asked what I had taken, she was outraged at the thought that I had taken anything! I can't keep up with her.
At age 95 with short term memory loss, it is surprising she is still sharp enough to write checks to you at all. I would be thankful for that much and let it go. As Pandoralou says: a little humor goes a long way. Enjoy the time you have left with her and let her feel that she is still among the living--warts and all.
When I first began as POA for my mother-in-law, the bank suggested that I make sure all the checks I write are the carbon copy type. My m-i-l has no short term memory, so she left all the finances to me, at the time. I on the other hand was worried because of the memory thing, so I made sure to add one other son as POA also. Although I am still the one that pays the bills, I appreciate that fact that all three brothers ( I'm married to #3) can check up on my dealings at any time, via the internet. Her memory was so bad when I first started as POA, I felt like tape recording everything she told me to do with her money. I'm thinking, 'no one is going to believe what she just told me to do'. It was scary I gotta say. An example was when, about 6 months after her husband died she decided to give all the boys $10,000 each. I tried to talk her out of it telling her to wait, but she was adamant. So, she and I went to the bank and made out 3 cashier checks. I distributed them as per ordered, but two days later I was with her and mentioned again how appreciative we were for them money. She turns to me and asks 'what money?' I nearly had a stroke. After much reminding her of what had taken place, she did remember. THANK GOD! So make sure everything you do as POA is transparent to the family, recorded somehow, and be ready to explain and remind constantly to her. I repeat myself so often now, that I have to ask normal people if I've told them that story already. ha.
Thank you for the help. I have one set of her blank checks and they do have carbon copy. Just went over her bank statement printed from online and she just doesn't understand where all the money went and why she doesn't have more. My husband suggested to tape record her, especially when she tells me to do something or agrees with me. Think I'll give that a try as well.
At 95 you and her are truly blessed. When my mom was at that stage she would tell ever body that I was taking her money and that I was not feeding her. First of all she has no money. Then when my sister came to me and said something to me about it I just told her if she did not like the job I was doing with mom she could take care of her. I was not taking any money and she was getting feed. So now that she is in the last stage NO ONE comes around or calls. So if I was you don't worry about it and enjoy the time you have together and make as many memories as you can.
Good Luck to You.
Realize that she has dimentia or alzheimers and try not to take it personally, any more than if she had cancer or diabetes. Does someone have durable POA? Sounds like she still wants to handle her affairs. My dad's sister had to be left alone to be nuts, sometimes nice, sometimes kicking my dad and accusing him, until one day she was sitting in the back of her car with the motor running and the officer who was called asked her where she was going. She said, "China". That is what it took to get a conservatorship over her affairs.

Get some advice from attorneys, although costly, and there is adult protective services if she is a danger to herself.

It's horrible. Good luck and maybe photocopy what she does and show it to her and keep a journal.

Yes, I have durable POA and power attorney on Healthcare
My 91 blind wheelchair bound mother lives in an ALF in Florida. I live in California. She had 15,000 left in her account and a condo which I am joint tenant. We are keeping the condo, but there are costs which I am contributing. I just stopped talking to my mother 2 weeks ago at the advice of the dr. who said she will always blame me even if I am an angel, because until she accepts she has to be there and it is the best for her and it wasn't my decision, although I found it after the dr's ordered it when she broke her leg, I will never win in a telecon. I love waking up not talking to her but sending $100 for hair do and personals. Pray. I'm 64 and want to live!!! You need to too. But you may have to get her settled somewhere with supervision. You will know when you know. Love to you

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