I think time is getting close.

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My dad has dementia and also was diagnosed Jan of 09 with lung cancer, he took treatments for cancer.
Friday he went to bed at about 10:30 and didn't get up again until sunday around 3 and was up and down every 10 minutes or so until about 9pm and then he only got up monday long enough to get shaved and a shower and went back to bed until tonight at 6.

he ate 2 sandwiches and went back to bed, I don't know if this is it or if he's going to rally again, its been such a roller coaster ride and I'm tired and he's tired
he is on hospice and has been for a long time, the nurse came today and said she thought we were down to hours or days. he's been down before and we thought it was coming and then he rallies, but this time he is sleeping lots longer, I so want this to be over for him he has no quality of life and doesn't know who I am anymore its just sad this disease is horrible!!
I don't have a question but does any one have any experience with last days and is this it or am I wrong. I know no one knows, guess I'm venting I'm just so stressed I feel like I can't breath. thanks for letting me rant

8 Comments

My sympathies to you. When my adult nephew was terminal, he was moved to hospice. That was in Denver and it was nice as good be. The staff was fabulous. They even let a family member sleep there.
when you see weekly decline they have weeks left . daily decline , days left , ditto hourly decline . my aunts eyes are yellowing from liver failure , her digestive system slowing , her limbs wasting and she eats very little . im thinking weeks for her .
when your dad shows terminal restlessness as in going from chair to bed to chair to general wandering , this will turn into terminal agitation . there is no calming them without morphine at this time . the organs are dying . when they decline water i think they have hours left .
this is just personal experience but i hope it helps you . when purplish mottling occurs in the feet and ankles , circulation has shut down to a small loop to keep organs alive . tell them you love and appreciate them even if theyre unconscience . i think they can hear you . phsycosis is like that -- heightened senses , especially hearing ..
Breathe, breathe, breathe. Your father would not want you to be in this state. He will know you love him. I came across this post by chance, and I am thinking of you, wishing you both all the best. Be calm for your family, be strong, and say all you want to say. It's all love. As Captain said, in a way his senses will be sharper I think, so you want him to feel as at ease as possible. Deep breaths. Fresh air. xx
I watched for 10 days the ICU trying to wean my mother off the ventilator with no success after hip surgery. I was told it could take weeks and most likely she would need a trachea tube and be on a ventilator for the rest of her life in a nursing home. I spoke on behalf of my mother and made the decision to take her off the ventillator and administer pallative care. She died peacefully two hours later. Those ten days were a nightmare not knowing if she was being kept artificially alive or there was a chance for her. I thank god my mother had a healthcare directive making me her healthcare proxy and what she wanted for end of life care. I refused to let the doctors keep on trying what she would not want. I hope your father is on hospice. It makes their end of life journey more peaceful and pain free.
You still have days. When he stays in bed and you see those polka dot bruises, like captain said, hours. BP will drop and so will O2 saturation, but heart rate will pick up. If he is uncomfortable, give him morphine. If he is delirious, use the meds they gave you. If you panic, call them, that's what Hospice is for.
when we knocked my mother out , i spoke to her calmly and clearly then left her alone with my sister for the remainder of her hours . i considered it a rather personal time . i hope sis didnt get on her nerves much . saw other sis virually rubbing faces with mom . i asked her to give mom an arms length of personal space . i was speaking from my personal desires i guess . oh well , mostly i left everybody alone . they all said their own kind of good byes , gawked , prayed , whatever floats their boats . mom had different relationships with different people . parrot was funny . shed scream for me every 10 minutes . she didnt trust all those other people . parrot has buried 2 elders now . the squawking sob will bury us all .
If the hospice nurse thinks it will be soon, it probably will be. On the other hand, the hospice staff thought my husband had weeks left and was surprised when I called to report his death. Apparently we each go when it is our time, and while the signs and experiences of professionals who see this often can be extremely helpful. there still is no perfect way to predict.

Be there for him, and know that this part of the journey will be over soon.
Two sandwiches is quite a bit. I would be with him to see how he is doing this evening, mskey. We never know when the time will be, but if he doesn't normally eat so well it may be a sign that he may cross to the other side soon. I hope his journey is peaceful when it comes. My thoughts are with you.

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