Thank you for writing about your experiences. I am very frustrated right now going through many changes in my moms behavior. Dementia is a strange and cruel disease. Sometimes I get so frustrated by the things she says and have to pray to be patient and not let those things hurt. Thanks for you insight, it is very helpful to know someone else has gone down a similar path.

LOL! Ain't it the truth! Thanks for the laugh.

God bless you. I have been taking care of my Dad, 96. His wife of 71 years passed away 02/09/2014. He misses her so very much and just wants the Lord to take him home, too. I took care of both from 10/2010 and seeing him getting older daily saddens me. Yes, it is hard, but worth it. Stay strong in the Lord, He brings strength.

Bobbi,
Your writing skills are magnificent! I felt as though I was right next to you watching the events taking place. As far as content goes, I can understand but mine is an opposite transition I have watched take place in my Mother. I get the Irish background as I had 3 older brothers and I was the only girl. I learned that we were a family that shouted over each other in order to be heard around the dinner table. I learned later this was not acceptable manners with others.
Mom (a redhead) was at first a shy, introvert as she was growing up. My father left her when I was only 2, she had 4 children to raise by herself. She got tough, she had to in order to work and handle us hooligans to survive.
We were poor but she made sure we always had what we needed, not the best but it would have to do.
When I was in my later 20's, my oldest brother who was an addict, (drugs and alcohol) finally went over the line and ODed. This destroyed my Mom. She started radically changing in her personality and seemed most at home in the world of sadness and tragedy. She always blamed herself for not being able to save him one more time. Then, around the age of 73, I started noticing her mental ability changing. She was still working as a nurse and it was clear my hard working mother was struggling.
I took her to get tested and it was clear her mind was not the same as she failed the test miserably. She was forced to come to terms with the reality she acknowledged was taking place. I was able to get her to retire before they had to tell her she had to (keeping her dignity intact) and then started looking ahead to the inevitable. Dementia slowly taking her.
I made arrangements she live with my husband and myself so she would be safe knowing it was only going to get worse.
Now my mother has become a recluse, a shy little mouse that uses me as her shield and will go nowhere or socialize with anyone unless I am at her side.
I look and wonder, "Who is this woman?????" I used to have a good fear of her growing up, she was tough! She was a director of nurses and ran a staff! You cannot be a mouse and do that job. I can't help but to wonder if my brother passing away triggered this or was the dementia inevitible?
It is very hard going through this role reversal, I cannot seem to let go of the strong woman I had grown up with and wonder as well, "Was it all an act?" I have such a time remaining patient with her complete personality transition into the helpless little mouse she has become. My other brothers are totally useless so it is I doing everything for her as per her wishes making me POA and executor. I can only pray I do not get the same thing as I decided against having children so there is no one to watch over me when it's my turn. I just hope after watching and living through this that I do not live long enough to go through what she is, having your freedoms, dignity and personality taken away from you because of this horrible disease of the mind.

You are an amazing writer! You so clearly articulate the myraid of feelings and thoughts as you care for someone who is physically and mentally disabled. It helps me with my own situation to read your own….thank you.

Ah. The "Dreadful" disease of growing old. What is the alternative?
Did everyone on here know that the Surgeon General of the US.....NOT in Europe or China....only HERE in the US....
They came up with a brand new study.....it was "only" of about 100 people, BUT they are confident they are 100% right:
"Those who have the most birthdays, live the longest."
Go figure.... they get PAID for this sh*t.

I too am a caregiver of my mother n law, my husband and i decided that it was easier for me to give up my job and move back to the East Coast then it was for him to give up his. I had only 9 years with a retail co. and he has 23 years with the service. I am so wondering what I was thinking that I could handle this myself, I did do all kinds of research before acepting my new life but it doesn't pre pare you for reality. When i first read your story it made me cry because I felt so much relief in knowing I wasn't a bad person for being grumpy, just that I have to come up with a new approach when she takes to hiding stuff we need and doesn't remember doing itor when she takes the food I have thawing for dinner and makes some crazy concoction with it, that nobody will eat. I am thankful you write as blatantly honest as you do, it is a big help knowing I'm not the only one dealing with the craziness of this dreadful disease. thank you so much and I look forward to reading more.
Lisa

I appreciate the comments by starshine14 and foxxmolder and I am very happy you found the first chapter of my book touching or helpful. As for your plans to write a real book, I will be one of the first in line to buy it, Confessions of an Imperfect Caregiver is a real book too, published by Open Books Press, a traditional publisher (not selfpublished) It. was released on July 26, 2014 and is available for purchase on Amazon and other online sites. I offer a 20% discount to all who follow my blog, The Imperfect Caregiver. I posted chapter one here so caregivers can get a sense of what the book is about. Every caregiver means a lot to me. Thank you for reading about my time as a caregiver.

I enjoyed your post. I look to you and others like you for encouragement to tell my story in a book someday....
A REAL book....not something on line...

I will call it..."Ya don't know what ya don't know, y'know?"

I will change my name and go with the ..... is it called "pen name"....Katrina Brown. or maybe I will choose Jones or Smith.......

I feel your pain. As I read your article I thought you'd make a good writer, then after reading it and your profile, saw that you are. I look forward to reading more of what you have to say. Dealing with dementia causes changes in the person, but it also affects the caregiver and feelings they have about the one they (used to) love. It seems to me we have to dig deep sometimes to remember our old feelings of love and the person he/she used to be. It's hard. We have emotions too. Love/hate/good days/bad days. Recently I took a day for myself, just doing (mostly) what I wanted. And talked myself into NOT feeling bad about myself for doing it. What a joy. ( I still had to drop him off at the senior center and do some grocery shopping, but the rest of the day until his buddy brought him home at 5p.m. was MINE!) Gosh, what a wonderful break for me. A walk with my dog. A nice lunch at a little restaurant nearby. I smiled at people. They smiled back. The waiter was complemented and he stayed to talk. I stopped to look at the clouds in the sky. Picked some of my neighbors flowers (with permission!). It made a huge difference that day and my mood had lifted. I'm going to try to sneak in a few more days of enjoyment for myself. I hope you make time to do that too. (Senior center and his friends help, so can get a break, if I make myself do it.) Blessings!