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My grandparents were married 62 years before grandmother passed in 2008. They had one child (my father). They have always been my role model on how love should be. I thank the Lord for there perseverance and example of how love should be.
What a "lovely" article. It's so nice to read about such love lasting for so many years. My husband and I have been married for 32 years and I thought that was a long time! It's refreshing to hear good things for a change instead of a lot of what's on the news/TV shows lately! Thank you to those who have shared, and God bless all those out there with similar stories!
I also agree that loving your parent irregardless of their mean behavior is a true testament of God's love and your ability to still love through the pain rage and insults. My dad sometimes takes his fears of aging out on me , I have learned to communicate to him that I love him and essentially I am not going anywhere because I love him. I am pleased to say that as the years have passed, my mom died seven years ago after they shared 63 years of a loving marriage our relationship has improved tremendously. Losing mom was the catalyst for my dad and sometimes I got the worst of it. I will admit that it was extremely hard to emotionally absorb the magnitude of his insults and nasty behavior but in time I began to understand that it really wasn't about me it was about him not knowing how to grieve. After mom died I did acquire a grief counselor for him and he did go for aperiod of time but then decided he did not need it any more. Obviously that was'nt true but my dad is very much in control of his faculties . Ultimately, I am blessed to say that we have now grown together as father and daughter because I don't allow him to say mean things to me with out addressing it lovingly at some point. He knows how much I love him because I say it and show him every day. He still sometimes gets scared but I assure him that I am here for him because I love him and because he loved and cared for me when I was a child. That statement seemed to give him a certain amount of comfort because he had not thought of our mutual love from that perspective. Every night before he goes to bed, even if we have had a difference of opinion or even an argument, I go into his room and kiss him on his forehead and tell him I love him. My dad is 94 years old and I don't know how long I will be able to share those words with him. Thank you for the wonderful article about the longevity of love and the trials and tribulations that can occur even when true love is the foundation.
Hi Islander, You seem to be such a loving and caring partner. As I watched my mom decline over the years, she became periodically nasty to me (perhaps because I was closest to her, her only caregiver and the one who she could lash out to, in her fear of what was happening to her).
Two things I heard at bereavement group yesterday...
If someone is mean to you, it is most likely their own issue, not yours.
Alternatively, it was also suggested that we consider if there is any truth to what is being said... because we can only change ourselves.
So, when my mom was nasty to me I'd sit down with her and tell her that she had hurt me. I shared with her that I felt she may be afraid and that while I could not imagine how it felt to be in her situation, I would do what ever I could to stand by her and make her comfortable... and I told her I loved her.
Someone on this site told me to hug her and tell her I loved her every day, because at some point I would not be able to do that. I appreciate that advice, because I did it and it was true. Now today, I'm glad I was encouraged to give her a hug and tell her I love her every day.
Each of our circumstances are different, but I'm hopeful that sharing my story will help others, the same way I have been helped from comments on this site to me.
My husband has been the love of my life since the day we met. He's 73 and I'm 64. Two years ago he had a major TIA event and has been in slow/intermittant decline bit by bit since. Some days he is ok, others in a rage, but in general he is dedicated to the idea that I don't love him - reason being that I suggested a CT scan and some speech therapy. Today I gave him his Valentine's gift a little early - some framed photos of his children (adults/previous marriage) and his grandchildren - he said it was a very nice gift - beautiful and well done and/but that it did not indicate any love from me because I am a control freak who thinks he is stupid. Just how do you deal with that.
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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5 Love Stories That Could Make Cupid Cry
Two things I heard at bereavement group yesterday...
If someone is mean to you, it is most likely their own issue, not yours.
Alternatively, it was also suggested that we consider if there is any truth to what is being said... because we can only change ourselves.
So, when my mom was nasty to me I'd sit down with her and tell her that she had hurt me. I shared with her that I felt she may be afraid and that while I could not imagine how it felt to be in her situation, I would do what ever I could to stand by her and make her comfortable... and I told her I loved her.
Someone on this site told me to hug her and tell her I loved her every day, because at some point I would not be able to do that. I appreciate that advice, because I did it and it was true. Now today, I'm glad I was encouraged to give her a hug and tell her I love her every day.
Each of our circumstances are different, but I'm hopeful that sharing my story will help others, the same way I have been helped from comments on this site to me.
Wishing you all kindness and love every day.
Today I gave him his Valentine's gift a little early - some framed photos of his children (adults/previous marriage) and his grandchildren - he said it was a very nice gift - beautiful and well done and/but that it did not indicate any love from me because I am a control freak who thinks he is stupid. Just how do you deal with that.