Nonverbal communication can be so important when caring for someone with dementia.

Sure! Let's add fuel to the fire. Let's reinforce a false positive. Let's NOT.

How do you communicate with a bilingual person with Alzheimer's who is forgetting their second language? No one seems to answer that question. There appears to be little care for bilingual care. Sure, you can hit Google Translate, but Google translate stinks. Better yet, where do you go to find bilingual care? Please don't tell me to go to a care provider who have little idea what they are doing to find someone. They find the bottom pit person and hope it all works out at the end.

It is fine to suggest going along with the accusations of theft until it becomes constant and all consuming. That is what I experience and if I were to do as suggested, I would spend the entire day, instead of the hours I do now, just trying to locate the newest "lost" item. I also use the "key finder" solution, but the number of items keeps increasing, and it is a little difficult to put a buzzer on a vacuum cleaner attachment. Her accusations also involve others wearing her clothes and leaving their own items in her room, which of course are hers. Confirming her delusions has only led to more aggresive behavior and blaming me for letting others in her room, which has never happened. It is to the point that I could never have other people in the house, it just gives her more targets. I appreciate helpful advice, but sometimes it is wise to acknowledge that the simple solutions often don't suffice.

There are "clicker" sets available and they have been a life saver for us with the "stolen"/hidden purse. 5 buzzers and one remote w/ 5 buttons which activates the corresponding buzzer. We have one on the purse, wallet, house keys, tv remote, etc. When the hiding place is VERY creative, we have been known to put in Mom's hearing aid better to hear the buried item. So much time and stress have been eliminated with this device.

This is intresting to read. My mom has been accusing me of stealing everything from a basement wall since last year in fall. This has never happened. She has an odd look to her face at times. Yet can speak normally most times. She doesn't trust anyone in the family anymore. But has moved to our city 3 years ago with my dad, to be close to the family. She had lymphoma lieukiemia but is in remission 2 years. My sister n I are trying to figure out if she has dementia or Alzheimer's? N if so, what stage is she in ? We also would like to know how many stages are there?

My mother is started to imagine certain people in her Church are talking about incidents that happened over 50 years ago between her and my father. My father passed in 1975. She is convinced they are talking about her and
spreading rumors. How do I validate her feelings but convince her that this could not possible be true. Please advise - she is depressed, and no matter what I say, she thinks it's true. Please advise

Our family members keep taking my mom out of her assisted living facility and over to their house for meals, extended stays during the day. As a result, her agitation seems to increase when she is returned to her apartment with her caregiver and she becomes more difficult. My thought is that our family members should minimize these out trips so my mother can acclimate to her new assisted living situation. Any thoughts on this?

Help friend with Wernickes always insulting people quite rude and nasty

My mother is always saying she is scared and confused. I'm wanting to know how to respond. Right now I keep saying, It's ok mom (she is in assisted living). I let her know people are around and she doesn't have to be afraid. I tried to calm her with soft tones and reassuring her she is ok. Doesn't seem to help. Can anyone give any other help in what to say and how to act?

I spent agas trying to understand what my dementia patient required and asked "what does it look like?--What do you do with it? He said it was like a pencil and thin. However much I tried it was impossible to know what he wanted. He also now keeps calling out to me and saying"Are you there? Are you alright? Its all very difficult to understand him using the wrong words for articles that he is requiring or imagine he requires.

My mother has a very mild form of dimentia caused by hemmoragic strokes. The largest point of frustration we are having is with her somewhat defiant behavior. Some examples are: turning on the shower and then doing everything but taking a shower and just letting the water run for hours on end. (if you ask her if shes going to take a shower she says yes, then goes and locks herself in the bathroom; she continues to feed the dog from the table and feeds it anything, which the dog often doesn't eat and then later i step on it. (like watermelon earlier today) She questions everything but then gets angry if you ask her questions. Does anyone have similar experiences? And if so how do you cope?

Let me briefly tell you that there are multiple forms of dementia - alzheimer’s disease being the most common one that accounts for 40 to 75% of dementia cases and is the sixth leading cause of death in United States. Additionally, dementia and its types have common signs with some variations. Let’s start with the most common signs of dementia most commonly seen in patients at the early stages of the disease. They start experiencing subtle memory loss, mood instability such as immediate occurrences of maniac (laugh) and depression (sadness) episodes, and have trouble with listening and explaining things to other people, communicational obstructions to be exact. They also segregate their selves from social gatherings and unions, face difficulty in performing daily chores and also experience muscle impairment. Additionally, some people fail to converse with other people because they fail to keep up the pace and comparatively take longer to process the coming words and repeat the same question over and over again. Most of the cases showed that, dementia patients start segregating their selves and start living alone because they could not keep up with the lives of normal people. They just are not up for the adaptation to change. In one of the form of dementia, which is Lewy Body dementia, probable signs appear to be sleeplessness. Patients experience insomnia which leads to mood swings. It has been seen that they fail to keep tracks of roads and lose their tracking skills as well. In case of Alzheimer’s, a patient the most common signs are memory loss and forgetfulness. In some cases, it has been observed that people with Alzheimer’s segregate their selves from others. Additionally, they experience complete memory loss and trouble understanding visual images and spatial relationships, lack the judgement skill and a complete withdrawal from work or social activities. One most commonly observed is the forgetfulness and inability to retrace steps. There is another type of dementia called Parkinson’s characterized as uncontrollable movement of body parts such a shaking limbs and fingers. It has been observed that patients experience writing and speech changes, their ability to respond fails badly and they lose posture and balance. One of the common sign is bradykinesia characterized as slow body movement. One thing to keep in mind before labelling someone as a dementia patient is that forgetfulness and memory loss do no really mean a person has dementia because memory loss and forgetfulness are a normal parts of aging. But if any severity has been observed in these signs, a patient definitely requires a professional advice and consultation. There is no cookie approach to cure dementia but if you observe such changings or signs in your loved ones do not take it for granted before it gets too late.

I had a dear friend who suffered from severe memory loss and probably associated anxiety, isolation, and loneliness in his final years. I could calm him with a touch or a few words or even a smile because...and this is important...I believed him. If he told me he was afraid or unsure about something or someone, or an event, I'd investigate. No big deal, but I'd listen listen listen and believe. Elderly are vulnerable to rudeness, dishonesty, crime, scams. They work a lifetime to earn respect only to lose that honor in a New York minute once their financial and other social power is gone. They are preyed upon by strangers and family alike. So...your trust must be earned. First, believe. Then explore. Then and only then, reassure. Do not feed the paranoia.

I am new to this but my mom does same thing. she boards the doors put tape around the locks and down the door seams. Then there are chairs, boards used to do work in the house. everything is layed against the door. It was very irriating and definitely hindering. she also used to have it where you had to come to her to get out because she kept kee to open door. Now its Im used to it. I have no idea how to deal with it. Also she barricades the back door also. I mean its all kinda contraptions you have to move in order to open door and let dog out. My landlord sold her house and I moved back in with my mother. That back door messed with my brain. this was before she got worse. But I used to tell her Its too much for me to mess with that back door it truly unbalanced me. the paranoia also is very difficult. It tore me up to be accused and persecuted not just daily but over and over in the day. It was horrible even if you know the person is not right just knowing that at that moment they believe it and then to get punnished for something you didnt do is a horrible experience. I lived it childhood but oh my goodness as an adult its crazy. I had to tell her she gon have to start giving me receipts when I do something for her. being accused was bad enough but being persecuted is worse and what made it worse my sister believed every lie. So its I know its really dangeraous for the senior and people involved. For one thing they barricade themseles in and you may have hard time getting to them in emergency. My mom locks the door with a metal slide bar and then braces a shovel againat door. I have to ring bell every mornng I come home from work. God forbide something happens to her.

OK
My mother is 101. She still lives on her own. I can only get to see her every so often as she lives far away. On the face of it she is very shrewd, keeps up to date with things, holds very intelligent conversations but she constantly says my wife has stolen all her jewellery, watches, and other things from her house despite the fact that she has only accompanied me once to visit her in many years. Obviously having known her over 20 years she would not dream of doing such a thing but it is very hurtful to me to hear her saying such things, with the result that visits and phone calls are becoming fewer and fewer due to the unpleasantness . Example: she says 'next time you come tell your wife to bring me back.........' (insert any one form a host of things). Any ideas what can be done??? Her main carer knows about this but is also clueless as to what to suggest.

My Grandfather is a lot like Rebecca. He's also 86 years old and physically well (no major health issues) but his mind is a different story. I have become his whipping post for the majority of his anger and frustration. I do get what folks are saying here, but what happens when there are things that absolutely need to get done like getting End of Life planning or Power of Attorney. I went down to see him this weekend and expressed the need for him to setup a POA in case something happens and he becomes unable to make decisions and care for himself. At first, he liked the idea, but later on he started remember that I did not want to have him live with me and completely went off. He said," I never did anything to help him, never did anything for him." Which was completely untrue as I did try to find places near me in NJ for him to live and receive the care that he needs. But because I did not have him live with me he lashed out. How do you get past the illness to get him to do the right thing?

I wish I read this before my mom passed. Very helpful. Heartbreaking to watch her struggle for the word daughter,

I really like the idea of asking "tell me more about what you need" rather than straight out "what is it" because "what is it" can sound challenging, or make them feel sheepish if they can't remember.

I find the hardest situation for me has been the accusations. As the primary caregiver, I am also Public Enemy #1 when my dad finds something missing. I've been asked to "bring back" everything from precious family photos (I only wish I knew where they were!) to the TV remote. Anything that is not findable is automatically something that I "took". I have tried saying, "I'm sorry to hear that you're missing ..." but it goes in one ear and out the other, he just says "good, I'm glad you're sorry, then bring it back!" sometimes with expletives included, other times worse, including threats of bodily harm if I ever come to their house again. (He's never harmed me or anyone else in the family, so that's an empty threat, but it still hurts to hear.)

He's so convinced of the reality of what he's imagined. It's helpful to know that his certainty is a symptom of confabulation and not just dad's stubborn personality coming through. (He's always been a know-it-all anyway, and I used to love that about him actually, but when he's so certain that he "knows" something that's so off the wall, it's hard to just let it wash over and stay kind and calm.)

It is a very good article and describes the lady I sit with while her daughter works perfectly. Prior to me sitting with her she had been removed from her home by her daughter as her son and girl friend had been living with her. She accused the sons girl friend of hitting her on several occasions. I wasn't around during this time so I have no idea. she got very sick what I do believe is she was self medicating, I believe she already had dementia but was on no meds fort that and she is a diabetic no one was noticing what was really going on with her in the beginning stages. More of a neglect thing. The girl friend of the son served some time in prison for hitting her. As I have said I wasn't around during this time. A person with dementia certainly will accuse others of stealing, abuse and will lie but as this article states they are filling in the blanks because they don't remember, it is not that it is an intentional lie and it is truth to them. It is very challenging to deal with dementia and requires so much patience. Sometimes I have to walk away or block her out if I see that I cannot reason with her. She is much like a 5 year old jealous of her daughters attention to others, cannot complete sentences absolutely cannot take a changein her routine it just messes her all up. Someone who cares for someone with this disease definitely needs some time away. We are human.

We recently moved and the older lady who lives in the next condo h become obsessed with the notion that I am looking in her windows. She is also very OCD. What is the best way to not inflame the situation? My mother is 89 and has dementia but has never been paranoid. This woman also runs out and plays on a childrens swing in the rear of the common area while cuddling her dog and talking about us - she seems to have nothing to do. Is this Alzheimer's or something else?.

This came at the right time! I was just explaining this type of thing to my sister who is a nurse. Communicating with Mom has become quite tricky...
My sister is an amazing caregiver when it comes to the nursing-type needs but sometimes gets "caught up in the crazy" as I call it, when it comes to our mother who has dementia. She tries to set her straight on things when sometimes it's just best to go along with the story Mom has in her head. Or agree with something even if you know it's not true just to keep the peace. It's not that important to be right. It just causes more anxiety and angst for the person who is confused and forgetful.

Teepa Snow's YouTube videos are very helpful..Especially when you're at the end of your rope and need positive advice.??

Neatfreak there are cognative tests they can give. Usually the signs will present themselves. I saw a difference in my mom about a year prior to her onset. Ask her doctor to refer. The first signs for me were some of the wild stories my mom would tell me. Something so out of the norm for her...and ridiculous ones. She would tell me there were midgets that came from behind her cabinets and eat all her food. Or that someone was coming in at night and having a party at her apartment but would leave by morning.
Research dementia and check out Teepa Snow. She is on youtube...you can google her and click on her videos. Very informative....Good luck. God Bless.

Are there tests to determine if one has early stages of dementia? And if one shows signs of dementia are there drugs or supplements to help slow the progression of the disease?

If you ever have the chance to sit in on a Teepa Snow seminar, please do so. I had the opportunity and I can not tell you the wealth of experience & practices I came away with. She is so packed full of knowledge & her presentation is just incredible. It has made my work more enjoyable & productive for myself & the ones I serve & love.

Good luck on the interviews. My last one back in 1990's I worked at same place for 10yrs n had to quit due to health reasons. Doing much better since the transplant 10yrw ago. Debating to get back out n the "paying" working world yet, I wander if its worth the it or will I just be working to pay for my prescriptions?
Good decent careers r hard to find now days too so good luck. That lady on the phone would had heard a few words from me for u r so lucky to be alive. Yes, your mom would be in a NH. They do seem to do better at home however, if it comes to where she needs more care than u can give then u may want to consider some alternatives for her best interest n your too if it wearing u making u sick. That is what I am going through now, trying to figure what is best for the both of us while hubby, his mom n the middle which he does very little. I guess it will be up to me to make the decisions. Appreciate every little break u get n don't kill yourself trying to be wonder woman.

thanks lildeb about the idea of the white board. she uses the pill container for am and pm but at the point she is i can only put am in and put pm in later. with the later hours ive been working she has to wait until 9pm to take her PM pills which is when she is supposed to take them anyway so I just put them in there when I get home. Sometimes she panics and threatens me and accuses me of trying to hurt her but then she gets over that. I have two job interviews this week for daytime jobs so I'm hoping something works out soon. My friend is meeting me today to help me out with some projects so I will get a little break today my aunt will watch and check on her. I have asked about pills to calm h er down or sleeping pills but with her other conditions some of the meds is what causes this. Yesterday I had a scare I was shopping at walmart and walking to my car this lady wasn't watching and almost hit me of course she was more worried of texting...she stopped her car in time and would have hit me if i hadnt jumped out of the way on top of a car. I was shaking for a while, not sure what would happen to my mom if something happened to me. Well I know what my siblings would do...nothing and put her away in a nursing home. I argue with my sister because her husbands family they automatically send everyone to a nursing home after they turn 80 I just believe she is happier and healthier being in her own home but everyone has their own views. good thing about the weekend she gets calmed down, she interacts with lots of people at daycare center during week and by friday night she gets really exhausted and doesn't want to rest. Hope you have a good day also.

Chrissy, wow, u were very lucky retrieving that wheel chair. I use a weekly pill container that I keep hidden from the mil for she takes her meds twice a day. They have them at any local pharmacy or Walmart store. You can also get like a white board where u can jot down day, time your mom has taking her meds. If she can still read, she can read it n stop asking u the same question 20 gazillion times n u will know as well. I found one at the Dollar store. The white board also allow u to erase it n use it for other things. I also got a huge one at craft store n make sure u get the right markers for it or it won't be erasable. I use the huge one when the mil keeps asking certain questions or if she has a dr's appointment that day. It kind of gives her some dignity that she knows what is going on n who she has to see. Plus, it give myself a break from getting frustrated from repeating. It's like one of those things u learn as u go if it works for ya.
Has your mom's dr giving her anything to help calm her down? However, u have to be careful with that as well for some meds can cause more agitation. My mil is taking Cymbalta n it seems to help her some. I probable spelled it wrong? Anyway, don't wear your friend for they hard to find. I hope u have a nice n pleasant day today.

Thanks lildeb its been a crazy week and my mom is having very bad night. Very upset about everything. going through all the normal things that usually calm her and they are not working tonight. I will just keep trying different things until I exhaust one or both of us LOL I know its a shame that its so hard to get help from family or friends. My best friend that lives close by is better at helping than my own siblings but I don't want to put too much on her she is recovering from breast cancer. I handle my mom's meds only problem its getting to the point that I may need to write down what time I give her pills because I give them to her and watch her take them and few minutes later she doesn't remember and tells me i didn't give her pills and i'm trying to make her sick. Maybe i will need to videotape it. Will get a few hours off on saturday and I really need them. Last weekend I was so stressed I ended up leaving her wheelchair in the parking lot where we were shopping and of course by the time I found that out it was the following day and I was 50 miles away from it...luckily it was located.

chrissy, not sure about the story n everyone has their own personality. Not sure if u went to this area, "Caught mom using my toothbrush," or "How are you doing as a caregiver," something to that phrase for it has more people that post that can be helpful Every now n then u will get someone who thinks they know it all or maybe that person like to criticizes other because we don't do just like them. (If u know what I mean). yet, usually the post areas r pretty good. I thought I saw a post from u on their but cannot remember just too much going on with me.
I hope u r able to have that Saturday off n enjoy it. Sorry about the bro not helping like he should. Welcome to the club on that one. Maybe give him a specific list of tasks that maybe he could do that would help like the grocery shopping? Any help u can get go for it as long as it don't make your job harder than what it is already. Good luck.
Glad to hear your friend is doing better too.As for your caregiver help, U make me wander about getting someone in my own house for respite break. If your caregiver couldn't get your mom in tub. I thought they were trained for this kind of stuff? I guess that where we have to make sure we do r part n double check what they can n cannot do with r love ones. My mil can be very hard-headed especially, if she don't won't to do something like, 'take her meds or bath." The caregiver have to be somewhat stern I guess, so she don't pull-no-wool over their head. Yet, not abusive at the same time.
When I had to get my hemorrhoidectmy surgery last last wk, I had to leave the mil with her Neice which she is n her early 70's n always been a very sweet n christian person. However, when I got home she tried to keep her until 1pm. The Neice was very upset for she told me that, she had to get angry with Joe, my mil to make her take her meds. That she refuse to take them n she had to get really stern n that I deserved a gold medal. I thought it was funny. For she only kept her overnight n up to 1pm the next day n I have her 24/7. I doubt she will be helping any time soon. However, I was grateful that she was able to handle her that long so I could get that procedure out of the way.
Hey, 2' of snow is more than we get here. I think I saw a little sleet a few days ago but that was it. Plus, you can keep all of that white cold stuff. ; ) Have a good weekend n make the best of it.