The really important ones have not been mentioned. 1. What time is it? 2. Are we having lunch? (Often asked at 8pm just after dinner). 3. I need to go home, when are we leaving? (When the person lives at home with a live-in carer)
Mostly it’s the simple every day questions that get repeated. I feel they should be answered truthfully without apology but sensitively. The care giver must also protect their mental health. I have found that much information is given about how to manage care for people with dementia but there’s is little help or information about how to protect the mental health of care givers. Lots of advice about eating well and getting excercise and getting enough sleep (🙃). As care givers we need to understand our mental and emotional triggers so that we respond appropriately and not react in ways that could be detrimental.
The repeated questions and stories don't bother me so much, but she is always saying no, no,no or oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, or ouch, ouch, ouch. I have no idea what that is all about. The ouch I think is partly when she's had an "accident" in her Depends and when we are trying to help, she gets mean, but just to me?
Mom keeps using the phone and creating chaos with me trying to close up Dad's accounts after he passed away. I can't take the phone away even though my brother has a cell phone so, what can I do ??? She also keeps calling friends/family and they are getting annoyed with the frequent calls...she wonders why they don't call her back or answer her calls....is sad but I understand. Mom has become very very impatient...what to do ???
Thank you, this was helpful. I'm really struggling as both of my parents have dementia. She is always complaining that he doesn't tell her anything and he cant remember that he has had a number of meetings with the staff and wants to have one with my brother and I included. He wants to know what the next step for them is, although he has been told a number of times.
Thank you for your tips, they are helpful. Both my parents have dementia and its been so hard to respond to them. She thinks he never tells her anything and he forgets he that he has had a much needed meeting with the staff to understand where they will be living.
The advice from Teepa Snow is extremely helpful. She made several training videos you can find online by googling her name. I recommend them. If your loved one continues with the questions try to move them into a different room or engage in singing a song or playing a game. Or tell them a story about a vacation or sometime that was fun for them. But patience is required, they feed off your frustration so best to walk out of the room for a minute or two and then return with a smile on your face. Educating yourself about the different stages etc and reading blogs like this one help you see... you are not alone ... Hang in there and have some one give you a break as often as needed. Its not easy to be in our shoes. !! Trust me I know!! But the unfortunate thing is... It doesn't get better, as they regress they change sometimes not wanting to eat, not knowing who you are, refusing to take medicine all sorts of fun dilemmas that you will need to overcome. So Read as much as you can to help you "care" with understanding!! I hope this is helpful!!
Mother's favorite question is, "How old am I?" It doesn't bother me to answer the same question every 30 seconds, because the answer is easy. "You're 94." What I have trouble with is her constant negativity. "Someone is always hitting me on the head with a hammer", stealing from her or how many people hate her. No matter how much diversion we try, it's right back. Reasoning and requesting different behavior doesn't work either and I'm ready to leave after an hour. This negative behavior, however, was common BEFORE the dementia too, so I don't think that it can be transformed into anything else. I can't change her, so I limit the visits to an hour. She's tired by then anyway. So am I.
My dad keeps asking for a snack, its worse after 7pm...we call it the witching hour...it usually stops about 10 pm...we try to divert with his rubik cube
My mom keeps asking what day is today and i answer and then she asks 10 more times within few minutes and I get very tired and annoyed answering her. I then have no energy to keep going. I pray for her but her situation is getting worse. I wish that i was more patient but my patience is all gone.
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Dementia Repetition & Garrulity: How to Handle Dementia Communication Cycles
1. What time is it?
2. Are we having lunch? (Often asked at 8pm just after dinner).
3. I need to go home, when are we leaving? (When the person lives at home with a live-in carer)
Mostly it’s the simple every day questions that get repeated. I feel they should be answered truthfully without apology but sensitively. The care giver must also protect their mental health.
I have found that much information is given about how to manage care for people with dementia but there’s is little help or information about how to protect the mental health of care givers. Lots of advice about eating well and getting excercise and getting enough sleep (🙃).
As care givers we need to understand our mental and emotional triggers so that we respond appropriately and not react in ways that could be detrimental.
I hope this is helpful!!
What I have trouble with is her constant negativity. "Someone is always hitting me on the head with a hammer", stealing from her or how many people hate her.
No matter how much diversion we try, it's right back. Reasoning and requesting different behavior doesn't work either and I'm ready to leave after an hour. This negative behavior, however, was common BEFORE the dementia too, so I don't think that it can be transformed into anything else. I can't change her, so I limit the visits to an hour. She's tired by then anyway. So am I.