Some dementia patients who are very far along smile when being called something endearing in a loving tone of voice. It's when the condescension comes through that everyone finds objectionable. Why the staff can't learn their patients' names is beyond me, though.

Sorry to be almost the only one offering comments here, but I'd like to add that nursing home staff STILL call residents "honey" and "sweetie", at least in my family's experience.

kathy112451, you are absolutely correct. A serious accident will overrule genetic advantages. In the first nursing home my parents were in was a woman, perhaps in her late 40s or early 50s, who had been a passenger in an auto accident who now appears almost like a person having cerebral palsy. It is my understanding she was an intelligent, active, responsible person before this happened, but now she can only communicate with great difficulty.

This is true. In my mother's nursing home are a few long-term residents who are probably in their 40s--one is virtually helpless but the other, in a motorized wheelchair, is mentally fine and in the same home as her recently-deceased mother--and is still visited each day or so by her father. I remember reading an article (perhaps here?) that some nursing homes "segregate" a bit by age groups so the younger residents can turn up their music and have pizza parties while the older residents have a more "traditional" environment.

kathy112451, does the Florida version of the Area Agency on Aging have a disabilities department? Ours in Connecticut does. It's not always useful (the actual person you might need to speak with might not be there) but it can be. And you don't have to be elderly for this help.

All that I am reading in the comments is about our genes and how lucky you can be if you took good care of yourself. My situation is quite different. My brother at the age of 57 was involved in a bad motorcycle accident here in Florida which left him as an incomplete Quadriplegic. It is now 9 1/2 months since his accident. My youngest brother took care of him for 4 months. He no longer can take care of him, which left my brother back in the hospital since August of 2017. So out of nine months since his accident 5 months of that, he has been in the hospital. His last date of August, he has only received 4 weeks of rehab. He is still in the hospital, ready to be discharged, but there is no where to discharge him to, so he remains in the hospital. I have been trying to put him in a nursing home and the problem I am mostly having is his age. First it was his Medicaid insurance(Prestige)no one wants anything to do with Prestige in Florida. Now he is pending Medicaid. I have called Nursing home after nursing home and all I keep getting is rejected from one nursing home to another. I have even looked outside of my area. Trying to keep him close to home, so that he can have his family watch after him and visit is out of the question. I keep hearing from one nursing home to the other that he is too young and socially we don't have anything available to interest him, therefore he will become depressed. Well I cannot take care of my brother. Believe me if I could I would. He has incontinence and I would have to help lift him, shower him etc. That will not work between a brother and sister. The state just puts you on a waiting list. We cannot afford to hire anyone privately besides my house is not large enough for us and all the equipment he needs for his exercise. So as far as the nursing homes are concerned and the state, he is better off in a hospital with the sick and the elderly, with no social life at all. Just the sickly, the nurses and drs. Eating at your bedside, sleeping while the nurses are in and out of your room, taking care of the sick patient you are sharing a room with, after all hospitals are for the sick and you just can't get a good nights sleep. My brother is now 58 because his birthday passed in Sept. We spent Thanksgiving in the hospital with him. Cooked at home and brought it to the hospital. Christmas we will be doing the same thing. My brother does not get the rehab that he needs or was getting thru the out patient rehab for the 4 months when my younger brother was taking care of him. So my brother determined as he is does whatever excercises he is capable of doing while in bed. The nurses take him for a walk with his walker one or twice a day and nothing on the weekends. The nurses have to walk with him because he is not able to do this on his own. He has no real exercises to help him. This is just the short of it all, but is this how my brother should live because the nursing homes here will not take in my brother and give him the care he needs because of his age. So let him vegetate in the hospital from lack of care and excercise and he's lucky if he makes it to the age of 60. After hiring an attorney, he is now pending Medicaid. He is too young for Medicare. With injuries such as his he has to wait 2 years before he can have Medicare at an early age. We have one Brain and Spine Assisted living that will take him, but they have to jump thru hoops to get it approved and to go thru because they want a guarantee that Medicaid will pay for their services. Then there is still no guarantee that they will take him, but they are the only place that is trying. It would be the best thing that could happen for my brother and it's still close enough for family and friends to visit him. I don't know what else to do. I left my job because I knew my brother would need my help. I spend 5 to 8 hrs per day on the phone calling nursing homes, physically checking nursing homes out and visiting my brother when a can.
All I want is my brother to get better and have as much independence that is possible in his case and to not become a vegetable by the force of the state and federal govt. Carol Bradley Bursack, I hope that you can help my brother or give me the proper guidance.
Thank you,

To a large extent, what you become is a reflection of what you have been doing all through your previous years. A sensible diet, proper exercise, cultivation of good habits, and an abstention from foolish and dangerous habits can make a great difference in addition to "good genes".

This article demonstrates the foolishness of defining oldness by mere age. In my family history I don't think anyone has ever been old before reaching 70s. On the other hand, there are families where old happens at 60 - or younger! It makes me glad for my genes, definitely.