Care for a 62 year old alcoholic. Where does our responsibility end? My partners ex is a career alcoholic. 6 rehabs. 4 times in and out of hospice. For some reason her body always bounces back and the cycle begins again. There are no children or other family members to manage her care.

We finally decided to supply her alcohol and food to keep her off the road after she had an accident in the grocery store parking lot buying are alcohol. We are afraid she will kill someone on the road. Recently she lost her license after forgetting to get insurance but not having a license is a minor detail when it stands between her an alcohol. She has access to money but no brain to pay bills responsibly.

She is back in diapers, still pees and poops on the floor, doesn't shower, it's a disaster. She is in a rental apt and we are scared her lease won't be renewed if we don't keep up with the smell to a degree. Her ex is on the lease until next May. When the lease is up we hope they will renew in her name only. At that point, should we walk away and let her destroy the apt with the stench of urine? She will have nowhere else to go and no brain to facilitate a move.

For some reason, her body ALWAYS rebounds so we have no hope her body will give out. What happens to people like this? Do they continue to destroy people around them? Is there a way to step away without feeling guilty?

Thanks in advance for your feedback.

My 75 year old mother is a wine drinker. We could set a calendar by the days she was drinking; it was every other day. She had a health scare 5 years ago, another time we begged her to get medical care and she refused, and she retreated from drinking daily to drinking every other day.

She has fallen before due to her drinking, but the last time she fell she dislocated her shoulder. She declined medical treatment until 2 weeks after it happened, when it was so swollen and bruised that her skin cracked and began seeping blood and fluids. She reluctantly agreed to medical attention, and was directed to the ER from prompt care.

At the ER, a host of medical issues were uncovered. In addition to her dislocated shoulder, she had discontinued her thyroid hormone 1.5 years ago because she did not see a dr. for 20 years and was getting her hormone from Canada. We begged her to seek a dr.'s care to get back on her hormone but would not. She has a large aneurysm extending from her armpit to her pelvic area. She had undiagnosed chronic high blood pressure and signs of kidney damage due to her chronic high blood pressure. She also had stability, mobility, and balance issues. In all, she was a hot mess.

She spent 23 days in the hospital, including a week in the hospital's orthopedic rehab unit. I was there with her 12 hours a day, each day, during her hospital stay since only 1 family member could be with her due to COVID. During that time, she had no alcohol and no cigarettes (she is also a smoker). Once she was discharged, she came home and I stayed with my parents to help care for her. She had no alcohol or cigarettes during that time at all. I was hoping, praying, that since it had been about a month since she'd had either that the hard part of quitting was behind her.

Forward to about 6 weeks post discharge and now she is putting "wine" on her grocery list (she cannot drive anymore, thankfully). My dad is beside himself and told her that he was not buying it for her. I am sad, mad, frustrated, and disappointed about it. Her drinking is the reason why she fell and injured herself; she obviously cannot handle it, and with her stability and balance issues she should not be consuming alcohol. I am anticipating that she will ask me to purchase it for her, or she will secretly have it delivered when I am not there and my dad is out for a walk. If she brings this up with me, I am prepared to lay all of my feelings and thoughts out there to her.

She obviously has some unresolved issues regarding past life situations and refuses to seek counseling to work through them. I am convinced she is depressed. My family is tired of having to tiptoe around when she is or is not drinking. We avoid calling her on the days that we know she has been drinking. This is not how I want my relationship with my mother to be. She can self destruct if she chooses to, but I will not enable it.

One big problem is the denial and they don't want to hear anyone tell them drinking is a problem. They will even avoid your company if you don't drink. Have lost countless friends because my husband and I don't drink alcohol. Thankfully I have some friends left that don't care if you drink club soda or any other non alcoholic drink at their gatherings. My husband lost a cousin whom he was close to because the cousin drank himself to death right after his 65th birthday. He began drinking more heavily when he was a caregiver to his parents , who passed on and he continued to drink. I cannot imagine what care giving would have been like had I drank my way through my mom's decline. I needed to be on top of things, not drunk! The cousin should have been enjoying retirement instead. It is very frustrating when loved ones won't listen to your concerns.

After numerous interventions with my mom including a 10-day stay in a senior detox facility a few months ago, I've had to just accept her drinking and walk away as best as I can. She has destroyed herself and my father. She has recently made it clear that she no longer cares about my well being either and refuses to stop drinking. She constantly interrupts me at work, demanding that I drive to the store and bring her wine. She's affecting my career, my health and my marriage.

I went to visit my 75 year old parents this weekend and spent one day in urgent care and xray after my Mom fell on her bathroom floor, then the next day arguing with her or "having an intervention" as she called it. Not a fun visit but she was soooooo lucky that her fall wasn't worse. Nothing is broken. She is petite- 130lbs and has balance issues when sober. I watched her drink about 5 manhattans which is typical during our visits. Her behavior after that much alcohol is embarrassing ( cursing at my 14 year old son, being downright mean to my Dad who, although he enables her, has been a saint for putting up with her. She repeats herself over and over and likes to pick fights around 11pm) After years of watching this, the faceplant on the floor drove me to finally say something. Through tears I told her that I think she's an alcoholic and that it's going to kill her. The next day I wasn't sure what she remembered but at dinner when she said, I better ask my probation officer if I can have another drink (meaning me) I knew she heard it all. I don't know what else to do. I live 5 hours away and dread the call that she fell again and did a lot more damage. I just wish she cared enough about herself to take better care of herself.

My 67 year old father in law has been a functional alcoholic a long time but since his retirement he has gotten much worse. I’ve never known him before this was a problem but I am told he is a wonderful, generous lovingly man. I’ve rarely seen this in him since I’ve been in his life but that was justbefrs he retired. His wife, my mother in law has been diagnose do with a disease that it’s life altering for him and everyone else. I’ve seen him struggle with this and then come to terms with it and take on more of the traditional household duties that he ever hasn’t his entire life I’m told. I was so proud of him and I would excuse his once in a while falling off the wagon times because for the mst part he seemed to be doing okay. But we have had some terrible fights because I don’t allow abusive behaviour to myself or anyone around me so I’ve stood up to him from time to time and although it’s been rough I’ve done my Beto make it work. I didn’t mention that my husband And I have been living in the in law suite in their home while my husband finished school and we just can’t afford to buy our own home quite yet. So I feel like a prisoner to his abuse when he decides to lash out to me or my children or husband or even my mother in law. And being the way I am I never stay silent, I am the elephant in the room and refuse to be the mouse.

My 79 year old mother is a hardcore alcoholic. While I figure out where to get her help, I struggle with the idea to give her a watered down portion of wine to keep her beast at bay. She will call a cab and pay over $45 for the ride to the liquor store. Another $200 there on ghastly heavy liqueurs (who knew there is a chocolate Godiva bottle? Gross!). I have confiscated her credit cards but she will find any way she can to get alcohol. So- what is the right thing to do? I am at work all day and time for her I imagine is altered- a minute likely feels like an hour. So- do I enable to prevent a worse fate in the short term?

My mum has drank since I was born I'm now 49 she has now been in hospital several times and now has chronic liver disease she was discharged when she hasn't eaten for 3 weeks now incontinent and it's been really hard for us to care for her she's had several falls since we are at the point of exhaustion we don't know what to do

My parents are in their own home in Fla. I and the siblings are 1,500 mi. away. My parents are both alcoholics, and are in complete denial that there is an alcohol-related problem! There have been many falls for both parents. The last fall, sustained by my father, was during the last hurricane (Irma). Dad broke his hip leaving the hurricane shelter, had surgery the next morning, and was in rehab. for 2 1/2 wks. they desperately need to be in Assisted Living.

My 89-year old father is an alcoholic but of course he refuses to believe that he has ever had a problem with it. My late mother, who passed away a couple of years ago, suffered his verbal abuse and drunk driving for many years and I felt that she was in denial about the severity of his problem and didn't want other people to know about it. I still shudder at the thought of her getting into the car with him because he did all of the driving. She told me that he was stopped for driving under the influence at least once but he was only given a verbal warning by the cop who stopped him for driving erratically, even though the cop knew that he was intoxicated and endangering my mother's and other people's lives.

A few years ago, when they had gone to a store in a town about 10 miles away, he fell in a parking lot and hit his head and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. They said that his blood alcohol was over the legal limit for driving. He got a concussion from the fall and has been dizzy ever since and can't do many of the things that he did before- like gardening and yard work. He tells anyone who will listen about his sob story, how out of nowhere he fell and hit his head but of course always leaves out the part about being intoxicated. I am always very tempted to tell these people about that one detail but so far I haven't. My late mother felt the same way when he would tell total strangers his sob story.

Since my mother's passing, I have become the POA for my father. It is on record that he cannot live in the house by himself and since I had been living there before anyway it was no big deal and I recently retired from my job. The house was deeded to me last year since my mother had always intended for me to inherit the house, but I know that there is a look-back period (maybe 5 years?) and the house is still technically his which really complicates things.

He did stop drinking for awhile after the fall but has never admitted that alcohol had anything to do with it. After my mother passed, when we would go out to eat or to the casino, it was agreed that he could have occasional social drinks. It seemed OK but lately he seems to be wanting to have it more often and has brought two bottles of wine into the house- claiming that he wants to have it on hand just in case we have company which we seldom have. I told him that I did not want any alcohol in the house-and my late mother was the same. Prior to the fall he was hiding bottles of brandy and was usually intoxicated before noon. Also, he wanted to go to a restaurant today and I wasn't interested. He eats next to none of the food anyway and ends up feeding most of it to raccoons on the deck which I think is a bad idea but he won't listen to me or anyone else about our feelings on it. Both of our neighbors thought that it was a bad idea too. Anyway, he can still drive short distances so he went to a restaurant by himself and I decided that the only reason he went was so that he could have a drink, not for the food, even though he ordered a burger and brought most of it home, as usual.u

My father has always been a very volatile, sexist, short-fused, angry and unreasonable person. And of course the aging and alcohol use only makes it worse. Add to that the fact that he is frequently dizzy, and has memory problems. There is simply no way to have a discussion with him about anything once he gets agitated and he is verbally abusive to me both at home and in public and in the car. Now that I am retired, he expects me to take him places that he can't drive to and keep him entertained. There is a senior center about 5 minutes away that is open for 4 hours a day during the week, and they serve lunch, but he is not interested and refuses to go.

Now that he seems to be interested in drinking again, I feel like the situation is beyond my control and I wish that I wasn't the POA and I could move out of the house. And my late mother had managed all of the finances and didn't want all of her efforts to end up going to something like a nursing home which I agree is highway robbery and the care often isn't the best. And I think that they would have to keep him drugged up because he is so volatile and uncooperative and he would not last long in assisted living. When he was in rehab for heart issues recently, he tried to sneak having a cigarette in the bathroom and also alienated another patient because he walked into her room when she didn't answer when he had knocked on her door. He has never had a sense of etiquette or sense of consideration for others.

I had been thinking of making an appointment with his Dr so I could talk to her privately about his renewed interest in consuming alcohol. I did mention to her about the bottle of wine but she didn't seem to want to get involved. She was the one who signed the POA paperwork that said that he could not manage to live alone in the house. And it sounds like Alcoholics Anonymous is only for people who will admit that they have a drinking problem and voluntarily go to them for help. I can't believe that there is nothing that I can do when he is obviously a danger to others, even without the alcohol he wasn't in the best shape. And the stress of having to live with such a volatile person is taking its toll on me. But I feel that my hands are legally tied. If I had been thinking more clearly at the time that the POA papers were drawn up, I would have asked if they could have put in a statement about not allowing him to consume alcohol, and if he did, he could not stay in the house. But at the time, he had been good about staying away from it and of course my mother had just passed away.

My parents began drinking heavily in middle age - it accelerated after I moved out. Once they hit mid 60s the drinking began around noon until pass-out. They had good health and money but chose to hole-up in the house drinking and arguing, all day, every day. By 70-ish both said they were done with life and pretty much ready to die. At that point they could have still turned around their situation. Now, another 5-7 years has gone by and its too late. They are not yet 80 and they are now beyond the ability to live a quality life. Dad is in a nursing home with dementia and mom has become the most horrid thing I've ever had to deal with. She is quickly losing her ability to live independently. I believe I will spend the next 10 years (possibly more) visiting two miserable people in separate nursing homes. I just don't know where it went so wrong.

my mother is 76. she drank heavily from when she was about 46 for about 11 years and then stopped. she started again about 3 years ago and is now fully addicted again and also takes tons of sleeping tablets. she is a total mess. she threw boiling water over our 87 year old father. she has had a psych assessment to say she has Cluster B personality disorders (narcisstic , histrionic , borderline PD etc) which explains why she has been SO difficult all of our lives. She is a nightmare. All the things i have read on here make sense. We, her kids, are 53, 50 and 45 and all we do is watch her lurch from one nightmare to another. NOTHING we do is any good. NOTHING we do can solve ANYTHING. she turns away all the help that is given or offered to her. Medical help for my father is turned away when she can. Her house is a fortress. My dad has been in and out of hospital but he always then chooses to go home!!! it is HORRENDOUS. she is always falling and breaking and hurting herself. She has the strength of an ox and it makes me so mad when people i know and care about are dying from things they dont do to themselves. she has squandered her wonderful health and has destroyed her family - she blames everyone but herself . we have tried to understnad her - tried to help her- tried to forgive her behaviour but i have to now walk away before i get sucked into her horrendous black hole.

My mother is 98, living at home and we can not get her to stop drinking. She has had someone coming in 4 hours a day, but not during drinking time. We have just arranged to have someone for 10 hours. What else can we do beside removing the liquor?

My mom is 98 and is an alcoholic. We can not make her stop drinking. Any advice?

It's comforting to read these posts. I get really frustrated because everyone pretends that my dad doesn't have a drinking problem, despite getting sick twice from not eating because of too much alcohol. I am here trying to help but he treats me like an enemy. He blames a lot of things on me and even makes up lies and insinuates abuse or neglect to his friends and family. I have been staying here with him for 1.5 years and I can honestly say that this has damaged our relationship. I read Apaeth's post and I came to the same realization months ago. If they're that determined to harm themselves there is nothing I can say or do to stop them, what I end up doing is damage control that further allows him to drink even more. One of the most frustrating parts is talking to people who don't understand the situation. Everyone is so quick to say bring him to a doctor or have a heart to heart talk with him; like it hasn't been done before. Another frustrating part is keeping up appearances and everyone pretending like he doesn't have a drinking problem.

Unfortunately there is no catch all solution. Saying things like "have them talk to a doctor" is about useless when dealing with most alcoholics. They rationalize, lie or blame everyone but themselves.

My father (a jolly drunk) and sister (mom's mini-me) both drank themselves to death at early ages and my mother is on her way... She drinks a 1.75 litre bottle of vodka every day and it has ruined her already fragile life. A lifetime of mental and eating disorders, health issues, an abusive mother, divorces, lack of friends due to her hostility, etc... Led her to the bottle in her mid 50's and now at 65 she's nonambulatory and miserable as she is about to pass from her addiction. Fortunately she was financially secure from a divorce settlement but I feel for anyone having to pay the bills for this selfish behavior.

What I learned is that the key is to accept the fact that they are going to die. Try to cherish any positive moments but distance yourself from any harmful situations. They will vamp the life right out of you otherwise. If they dont want to bathe... Let them rot. Blaming you for their issues? Just smile and keep your trap shut. Sounds harsh but the more you push the worse it will get. Let them go if they are self abusive as it's the best thing for them in the long run.

My mother voluntarily surrendered her drivers license and depends on me to take her to the store. I started tapering her down but unknown to me she called one of my cousins to pick up some wine at the store for her. She had a couple falls and was on pain medication. I read the riot act to my cousins who thought that I was depriving mom of basic necessities not just alcohol. I explained the pain meds; I think they got the idea. Now she no longer drinks at home but when we go out for lunch she will order two martinis. If I know she has had pain meds I refuse to go out for lunch. So far she has accepted it pretty well.

Iam in the same boat but I see yer post was 5 yrs ago may I ask what has happened since then?

This is all well and good but I have a relative who refuses to seek help with his drinking after his wife died. He wants to go with her, he takes pills and drinks. I am his power of attorney, but he will lie and do what he wants. It took over 3 weeks to get him into a crisis counselor, but now he won't go. On one hand, he needs intensive psychotherapy, on the other, he doesn't want to do anything for himself. We clean, pay his bills, take him to his appointments, etc. He is self-destructive, doesn't eat, takes his pills, and I cannot convince him to care for himself. Am I going to be responsible for elder abuse when he ends up dead? I have talked till I am blue in the face, he will agree and then do as he pleases. He refuses any and all inpatient treatment. He got drunk and fell the night his wife died. He broke a bone in his neck. I am at a loss. I am doing what I can, but it is costing me my peace of mind.

After reading all the comments and stories I realize that I am not alone. Very comforting. When I read some of the issues I feel that finally someone understands. There clearly is not enough being done in support for families with these issues. I wish there was an answer.

I just dumped my glass of wine! Needed to sit down and Google alcohol and dementia...in regards to my husband and could see that I could get to count on my nightly drink...sometimes 2.

So after reading this. I felt the need to share my testimony. My name is Marissa, I am 25 and my mother is 58. Her drinking began after her mother died when she was only 19. I have been told in her words many times how her life was so unfair and this was never in a sober state of mind. At a young age of 17 I was forced to listen to her declare she was going to kill herself because I didn't deserve a mother at my age and she wanted me to feel ger pain. Obviously it was an empty threat but being that young an that being only one instance gives you an idea of what I've yet to experience. When I graduated, I remember her completely cutting me off from food, showering, and use of anything in the house. If you ask me now why I never saved myself, that is because my mom's upbringing for me was based on selfish purposes. Her and my father had a very toxic relationship and when she kicked him out for cheating I was her only resort and so she bought and spoiled me in a very unhealthy way. Years pass though and children whom are in this situation like myself either grow up realizing it was wrong or wallow in it. I have just begun to want to work for myself and such. So when I was 18 and such and she cut me off suddenly, I felt like I had done something wrong. It wasn't until she found food I brought home from somewhere and she absolutely denied it to me because I had no job, (was raised to depend on her), I saw a switch. I realized she had an issue and I turned to family whom waved me off saying they'd be there but threw me right back. My father whom I loved very much and still do never stepped back in even after as a naive 13 year old told the court I wanted to live with mom "because I had freedom". No one stepped in to reality check me for the better. So here I was, left alone, with this person, whom now has regressed mentally in age. I have a 58 year old child whom on some days is aware and others, not. Its very hard to hear people claim to love their mothers when I have faced the hard truth. I never knew mine. Mine lost her self before I was even a speck of matter. I've racked my brain time and time again wondering what she was like. I see pictures and noticed she was gorgeous, but its never coming back. I'm here just to let anyone know who may feel alone like I have to find some people and look to friends if you do. Its not going to get easier but there are ways to take some weight off. Trust me, in my situation i would trade all the crap handed to me, just to have my mom. Sadly instead I am a parent now to my parent. It is a hard battle and I wish everyone the best in the situations similar to mine.

I bought a house for my parents to live with me but my dad is an alcoholic.
He is verbally and emotionally abusive to both me and my 81 year old mom. He is diabetic with insulin shots which he seldom takes, has heart problems and liver problems, high blood pressure among other things. He refuses any help, has walked out of his Drs office several times, does not keep his Drs appointments, has been to the hospital several time after falling down drunk and hitting his head. He resents the fact the house is mine and feels he has no authority to tell me what to do, hates that i do rescue and is always complaining. He has gotten into several accidents and all he does is drink all day everyday. He does not eat anything except liquor and salt. He is skin and bones except for his enlarged hard belly that he won't get checked. He constantly has nosebleeds, vertigo but yet keeps drinking. I am at my wits end, sometimes I feel I just want him gone and throw him out but then again he's my dad so it's not so easy because he has no money and no place to go and I would feel guilty if something happened to him. I feel hopeless and my life is h*ll, worse I worry about my mom's health and peace of mind. My family emotionally supports me but nobody knows of a solution, they just say ignore him but it's difficult when he breaks things, or screams at my mom I just can't let things go when they get to a really bad place. He threathen to punch me and my mom but knows I will not hesitate to call the cops on him. I don't want it to come to that. Any suggestions?

My husband has been dealing with drunk parents all his life. We were begged and pleaded to come home. We did. But not before, in a 2 year span, his father got a DUI, Charged( but dropped on condition) for abuse, and a mother who has spent 3 nights on 3 different occasions in a jail cell( uttering threats with a knife, public indecency, and attempted arson) not to mention falling down the stairs to end up in hospital getting stomach pumped for drugs and alcohol.
They also have their health issues. The father has COPD and the mother has a heart condition. Claims to have severe depression as well but being a hypochondriac its hard to tell. She doesn't leave the house, and only leaves her bedroom to get booze from her husband.(They don't sleep in same rooms)and has every virus/disease that is in the region at the time. The internet has been her friend as well to do her research before her next doctors appointment to get the drugs that she needs..Back a few years ago, before the age of retirement she showed up to work drunk, because she forgot to pay the phone bill and couldn't call in sick. She had 2 options, rehab or lose her job. She voted rehab. But turned to sleeping pills. Her excuse to the doctor, she worked nights, and cant sleep at night anymore. She abused them to the point of taking as many as 6 before even getting home from the pharmacy. After numerous calls to the doctor about her addiction and finally a call from the police the pill taking has stopped..So booze it is. At first she would hide it. But then when she stopped leaving the house, she had no choice to take from the husband. She is very abusive when she drinks. The father in law eventually has enough, and tells her to go to bed or pick on someone else. Yup, you probably may guess who the someone is. Once upon a time she would coincidently forget her actions and pretend that everything and everyone was normal. Even though we just spent the night of dread, no sleep and verbal abuse. 9 out of 10 we both had to work in the morning and was exhausted. As of late, I have been the target of her drunk rages. Not physically, but emotionally. My husband has my back when it comes to his mother, but I am drained. None of his other siblings will believe the way things are, but won't be bothered to come home and see for themselves either.
Dealing with 2 elderly parents, is not an easy feat for anyone. Dealing with 2 with health issues and drinking is even harder. I swear some times its a race to see which will die first.
The father is more of the quiet, leave me alone to drink in peace, I'm not bothering anyone attitude. The mother is the one who actually alienated everyone with her drunken tongue..Any family and friends they had, either past on, or has disengaged themselves from them altogether. For the longest time she was leaving her son and myself alone. Leaving us to mind our own business.
Her latest episode was an attack on me. Her paranoia kicked in. Just to let you know, I moved my life to be with my husband, my own parents are 3000 miles away, and even when I lived 30 miles away, if I couldn't see them, I called daily. And I still call them daily. So the other day while on one of her drunken fits, and I was talking to my mom, apparently I call home to give daily updates of the life I live. Now I have to ask, Why would I call MY parents, 3000 miles away and tell them such horror? To have them worry about me and my well being? Me being 3000 miles away from them isn't worry enough?
The mother refuses outside help, her house is a mess(which we have spent many a dollar cleaning). I do my best to keep things neat and clean, and respectable to only have her go behind me and undo everything I did. She will even go so far as dumping the garbage on the floor and walk away. Sober or drunk that is no different. She doesn't leave her room unless she is drinking or hungry. She claims to be physically fit so don't need homecare, but expects me to be her chamber maid.
My husband and I decided we needed a break and went on a little vacation. We hired a friend to look after things while we were gone. They fired her the first day. We got home to every dish in the house dirty and instead of loading the dishwasher they opted to use paper plates and plastic utensils .
The mother in laws reasoning...You kids were on vacation, had to make sure you had work to do when you got back.
We cook and clean, pay the bills and maintain the house the best we can, as well as earn an income. Mind our business and try to get through the day as best we can. Her latest attack on me was actually brought on because I totally refused to buy and or retrieve her booze that she wanted.

I have just moved in next door to my 86 year old mother. She lives with my brother, unemployed and sister, workaholic. I moved close to help care for her. She starts drinking at noon. I came home the other night and she asked me for a drink I said she was already drunk and refused, she verbally abused me. Today she asked me for wine with lunch I told her I would not give her alcohol. She did not remember the previous night. I lived with an ex husband who had drinking issues. However my sister and brother both give her alcohol to keep her quiet. My brother even coming to my home to look for wine to give her. My brother also drinks a fair bit. Is this a case of elder a use providing her with alcohol? How can I encourage my family to support drying her out. There is great friction in the house, no one is happy. I hate to go over there but don't want to abandon my family if I could do something to help. I don't mind being the bad guy if long term it improves everyone's life.

We are dealing with this in my mother in law, who at 82 is having memory and orientation issues as well as being a functional alcoholic. She fell before christmas in 2014, and moved to rehab; then my sister in law and her husband took her into their home post rehab...came home on the 13th of Jan. By the 19th, the family had had enough; she is back home in her apartment. While away, I cleaned and tossed things out; recycled her wine bottles and beer bottles. She drinks in the evenings and didn't stop. In the hospital and rehab period (nearly a month), she was not allowed any alcohol, but started drinking once she got to my bro&sis inlaw's place. She broke a coffee pot, went into verbal abusive rages. I recognize withdrawal and need for a substance, so I recommended alcohol giving as a reinforcement for good behavior. I personally have issues with my mom in law that allow me to help her and retrieve things, run errands, etc, but if I spend time with her, I find her maddening. She has always had this habit, but coupled with aging issues and dementia, she has become too much. My husband has come up with a response to her wanting others to do what she can do for herself, including decision making; involving the word NO.

My neighbours are elderly and he is drinking heavily and abusing his wife mentally. They don't have any family locally and they both have health issues. His wife suffers with severe depression, and he has COPD. Sometimes he falls over and we have to go over and help him up. He is 84, and she is about 80. My husband went on tuesday as he'd drunk about 3/4 bottle of whiskey and had fallen. When he got there, he was shuffling on his rear to try and get another drink as his wife wouldn't get any for him (and she hid it). How do we help them?

Insightful, but none of us are going to get through to this old codger! He needs to be forced into treatment because of the danger he puts all of us in, physically and mentally. Mine is a house of Filth, Feces, Urine, Resentment, Helplessness, Hopelessness and Depression. Any ideas would be welcome...

This article is interesting, but this elderly drinker is continually falling. What to do since this can mean the partner may get hurt?

My sister and I are dealing with these issues with our mother. She has had her 'cocktails' for years, especially when she's in the kitchen cooking. She will hide it but it's very obvious she's drinking. She is the sweetest person in the world until she's drinking and then she becomes hateful and defensive. My late father hardly ever drank and didn't at all his last 15 years or so due to his health issues. She would verbally abuse him when she drank and he would become so upset and hurt. She always took care of my grandparents and my father until they all died, but she has done nothing to fill those voids left by their deaths. She is 81, still drives, manages her home and finances, and wants to be as independent as possible, but we worry constantly about her drinking and driving or falling at home while inebriated. She also smokes a lot. She has lost several of her close friends and finds fault in the ones left and uses it as an excuse not to do things with them. A lot of her friends have finally stopped asking. My sister and I both live less than five minutes away and both of us have taken her on trips, to doctor's appointments and shopping and she consistently says she doesn't want to be a burden but the drinking is getting to us all.