My 96-year-old mother has been dying for days. When she was found unresponsive at her ALF late on Monday afternoon, my brother went to the hospital and was allowed in because of her deteriorating condition. He stayed all night. On Tuesday, we got a call from the hospital, asking if we lived close, and we better get over to the hospital now--she was crashing. We went, stayed until 12:30am and finally asked the staff what they thought. They, of course, couldn't say for sure, but the gist is, she was more or less "stable." She has been put on comfort care instead of curative, which is what she would have wanted. We went back yesterday, sat for several hours, not much, if anything, changed. I am not complaining and I apologize if that's the way it seems. I'm just getting weary and don't know how much longer I can go in and watch my mother slowly die. Does anyone have experience with this?
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your mother. I pray that your mom, your brother and you are at peace now.
I wanted to sing a hymn to her and tried "Rock of Ages" but she didn't want that, she had been having nightmares about being stuck in the rocks. After she passed, I thought of the hymn I should have used: "Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling...calling for you and for me. (etc). I came to visit her for Mother's Day weekend and saw her on Saturday with the intent of seeing her again Mother's Day morning, but she died before anyone could get there. I went anyway and just sat quietly with her, recalling my many memories of our relationship. I felt her spirit was still there and we could connect on that level.
It felt very much like the right thing to do. I set aside a time now each week to think and pray for my mom and dad and other relatives and friends, holding them in my thoughts, praying for them to grow closer to God. It is my way of saying "Thank You" for the care and guidance I was given. Of course, I still miss them these many years later, but they are in a much better place now than here, so I just wait until it is my time to join them and try to live purposefully and in a caring way until then. I have heard this statement: "I have made death a messenger of joy! Wherefore dost thou grieve?" We grieve for our sense of loss, but can honor their memories by living a thoughtful life.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through!
I was able to be with both my father and my beloved Uncle just before they passed.
Take comfort in the fact that even if it doesn't seem like it, she knows that you're there!!
96 is a good long life!! Hopefully a life well lived.
Obviously she is well loved!!
Your life will go on. And you will carry her with you always!
God bless!!
I can't tell you dealing with two 90+ year old ladies was easy, but I do believe it was the right thing to do. Neither of our sibling volunteered to help. I know it's not easy to watch a loved one died, but I think you will be thankful that you stepped up to the plate.
My mother was a fiercely determined woman, and if she didn’t want me there, I did her no good by staying.
I sometimes think that these “vigils” are a little self serving on the part of the living. Each situation is VERY DIFFERENT though.
your mother may be “asleep” but you dont know for sure what she can hear.
tell her you love her and if she is ready to go to feel free to do that. Talk about good memories. Keep the bad stuff down the hall in the waiting area unless you feel it is helping her to be comfortable and ready to die.
Take care.
I was told by Hospice that some people want to die alone and will wait until relatives leave the room to go to the bathroom, get a bite to eat, take a phone call or even fall asleep.
You are exhausted mentally, emotionally and probably physically, sure you want to know more.
Relax, hold mom's hand. Tell her you will be alright. Thank her for teaching you all that she did. Give her a kiss.
((hugs))
Anyone with a parent with a brain disease is slowly watching their loved one die on a daily basis. it is sad and hard to accept that part of life.
Keep going, be there for her during her last days, you’ll be glad you did in the end.
God bless you and stay safe.
My mom held on forctwo weeks. We thought she was waiting for my brother, but he came and she stayed.
My dad sang to her while bring her caregiver. In day 14 of hospice, he told her that he had no more songs to sing unless she could tell him what s g exwanted to hear. She passed away 4 hours after we left.
I know most people don't understand. All that mattered was I was there for my mom and know she was not alone.
If you need to talk...please reach out to me. I get it...completely. It is exhausting and something one cannot explain. It's torture on the loved ones. I'm here for you even though you don't know me.
It is called life, and death is a normal part of that. She died 8 months ago and the pain and suffering is all on me. You never get over it. Mom never suffered even while dying. her feeding tube kept her physical needs taken care of so she never did suffer. She actually died of other natural causes not Alzheimer's.