My 96-year-old mother has been dying for days. When she was found unresponsive at her ALF late on Monday afternoon, my brother went to the hospital and was allowed in because of her deteriorating condition. He stayed all night. On Tuesday, we got a call from the hospital, asking if we lived close, and we better get over to the hospital now--she was crashing. We went, stayed until 12:30am and finally asked the staff what they thought. They, of course, couldn't say for sure, but the gist is, she was more or less "stable." She has been put on comfort care instead of curative, which is what she would have wanted. We went back yesterday, sat for several hours, not much, if anything, changed. I am not complaining and I apologize if that's the way it seems. I'm just getting weary and don't know how much longer I can go in and watch my mother slowly die. Does anyone have experience with this?
Sending you a hug and a prayer that your mom transitions quickly and with pure peace and no pain
Thank you for your response. It helps.
I have heard of this so many times, and experienced it in my own family. I wish I knew for certain what her wishes would be. Does she want companionship at this time or does she want to spare us the pain of watching her die? Again, as I said above, if I knew what would help her, I would do it-regardless of how it effects me. But if I'm only getting an experience that I can never un-see, with no benefit to her, what is the point of going?
Thank you for the hug and prayer--I need both.
People saying you'll be sorry is so wrong.
Only we know our personal situations and what our loved ones would want for themselves and what we can deal with. I don't believe that we have to watch someone die to prove our love.
I am sorry for your loss and I pray that God grants you wisdom and courage right now to do what you are supposed to do.
Sorry that your mom is passing. Hope it is quick and as pain free as possible.
Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to post. Truly, every single response was helpful and made me feel less alone.
This is a wonderful forum.
May God grant you grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.
Great big warm hug!🤗
It is called life, and death is a normal part of that. She died 8 months ago and the pain and suffering is all on me. You never get over it. Mom never suffered even while dying. her feeding tube kept her physical needs taken care of so she never did suffer. She actually died of other natural causes not Alzheimer's.
I know most people don't understand. All that mattered was I was there for my mom and know she was not alone.
If you need to talk...please reach out to me. I get it...completely. It is exhausting and something one cannot explain. It's torture on the loved ones. I'm here for you even though you don't know me.
My mom held on forctwo weeks. We thought she was waiting for my brother, but he came and she stayed.
My dad sang to her while bring her caregiver. In day 14 of hospice, he told her that he had no more songs to sing unless she could tell him what s g exwanted to hear. She passed away 4 hours after we left.
Anyone with a parent with a brain disease is slowly watching their loved one die on a daily basis. it is sad and hard to accept that part of life.
Keep going, be there for her during her last days, you’ll be glad you did in the end.
God bless you and stay safe.
I was told by Hospice that some people want to die alone and will wait until relatives leave the room to go to the bathroom, get a bite to eat, take a phone call or even fall asleep.
You are exhausted mentally, emotionally and probably physically, sure you want to know more.
Relax, hold mom's hand. Tell her you will be alright. Thank her for teaching you all that she did. Give her a kiss.
((hugs))
Take care.
your mother may be “asleep” but you dont know for sure what she can hear.
tell her you love her and if she is ready to go to feel free to do that. Talk about good memories. Keep the bad stuff down the hall in the waiting area unless you feel it is helping her to be comfortable and ready to die.
My mother was a fiercely determined woman, and if she didn’t want me there, I did her no good by staying.
I sometimes think that these “vigils” are a little self serving on the part of the living. Each situation is VERY DIFFERENT though.
I can't tell you dealing with two 90+ year old ladies was easy, but I do believe it was the right thing to do. Neither of our sibling volunteered to help. I know it's not easy to watch a loved one died, but I think you will be thankful that you stepped up to the plate.