How do you tell someone with late stage dementia they are moving into hospice? My mom will be going to a lovely place in a few days.

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Annie65 Asked January 2022

How do you tell someone with late stage dementia they are moving into hospice? My mom will be going to a lovely place in a few days.

The social worker suggested I say that she and I are both going somewhere that we both can be cared for as we both need more care now. Does anyone have ideas about this or been through the same transition and how you handled it? My mom went to a memory care home for two months last summer and she was totally distraught about it. It was a bad experience in terms of her care so was brought back home. What can I say to a demented
person who is very anxious and fearful?? I already did in-home hospice for my brother for eight months until the day he died with only me by his side and do not have the strength to do that again.

Alzheimer's & Dementia End of Life Hospice

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score 1 · Answer 1

If she is being moved to an actual hospice home, you both will be pleasantly surprised as they are usually very lovely and the nurses and the care you receive there are top notch. Much better than in home hospice for sure.
My husband was under in home hospice care for the last 22 months of his life after coming out of a hospice home because he didn't die as quickly as they had thought and then again went in for a few weeks to get his pain under control. His care was by far much better than any care he received from the in home hospice staff.
If my husband wouldn't have made his wishes known that he wanted to die at home, I would have let them take him back to the hospice home for his final weeks, as I know it would have been a much more peaceful transition for him and not so traumatic for me, but I honored his wishes.
If your mom is in late stage dementia, she won't remember what you tell her anyway so just share your excitement with her on how beautiful the place is and how nice everyone is.
I wish you and your mom the best.

Helpful Answer (1)

Thank you for your heartfelt reply and bless you for the loving care of your husband. I know mom will be well cared for and after four years as her caretaker it will be a relief as I am weary for sure. You were so brave to go through taking care of your husband at home. In-home hospice is very minimal care from nurses,etc. My mom will be transported tomorrow and I am praying for us both👃and like your advice too!

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score 1 · Answer 2

You say that you are sorry but you can no longer care for her in the home, that you will visit whenever you can. You make it clear there you cannot care for her at home. Do not require she be happy about this. She may not be happy. She may mourn. However, you are not god, and not everything can be fixed. This is worth mourning, but see to it that you don't mistake the wrong G word (guilt) when the correct one is grief. This is worth grieving and mourning over. Allow both of you to have that. I am so sorry. Reassure her that there will be counselors, people she can speak with. If her dementia is severe it may matter little what is said.

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Thank you for your response and the caring, practical and understanding words of advice. ✨

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score 1 · Answer 3

I would do what the social worker says too. I'd enhance it by telling her she is going to some kind of hospital, and then visit her as if she were in one.

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score 5 · Answer 4

I would do what the SW recommended.

I am sorry you are losing your mom and I pray that you receive peace, comfort and rest during this difficult time.

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Thank you for your kind response✨

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How do you tell someone with late stage dementia they are moving into hospice? My mom will be going to a lovely place in a few days.

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