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PinkFushia Asked March 2018

Please help, I'm so confused about what stage my 86 year old, 30 kilo, cancer suffering mother is in?

My mother has cancer of the Urethra. She now has a secondary cancer in her abdomen too, visible to the naked eye. She was rushed to hospice with a fever, vomiting etc 3 days ago. She has now almost stopped speaking completely although seems “ compos mentis’, she only eats Ensure, 20ml at a time, perhaps twice a day, with a syringe. She battles to swallow, and gets thirsty, although I think it’s actually a dry mouth that she has. The hospice staff say they can’t say which phase she’s in as she doesn’t seem distressed nor in too much pain, on the other hand she literally sleeps all the time. When I played her favorite music to her today, her face didn’t respond at all... can anyone give us any idea where we are at and what we can expect, although I know no one can predict anything, it is just so alarming and sad and distressing not to know anything at all. Thank you

chdottir Mar 2018
I am so sorry about your Mom. THanks for letting us know.

jeannegibbs Mar 2018
I am so sorry.

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BarbBrooklyn Mar 2018
((((((hugs))))))) Pink. I'm so sorry for your loss.

PinkFushia Mar 2018
Hello
I would like to say that my mother has now passed away.
It has been a terrible past week.
Once back home,she seemed to loose consciousness and never spoke or made a sound again. She passed away 3 days later
We will miss her deeply.

PinkFushia Mar 2018
Thank you Barbbrooklyn and pamstegma, both of your responses are most helpful. She was responding by nodding to questions, however, she now has stopped that. She has had started making howling sounds instead of speaking, and the doctor at hospice has now said we can take her home where she will probably pass away in a few days, so you are correct, pamstegma. It is devastating.The ambulance took her home today and When she saw her care taker, Lerato, having not responded to us for the last one and a half days, she actually flung her arms around her and made that strange sound and smiled! So she seems to be aware in some way. It makes me so happy to see that, and I wish people who ever think there is still racism in South Africa could have seen that.
We will continue to play music and pray.
She is not a religious woman, but perhaps someone coming to bless her is still a good idea.
Thank you both.

pamstegma Mar 2018
She is very close to leaving. Talk to her, she can hear you. Give her permission to go, so she can go peacefully without regrets. If she is a religious woman, call in her priest/rabbi.

BarbBrooklyn Mar 2018
What does her breathing sound like?
When you say " comps mentis" I'm unsure what you mean, if she's not responding.

Difficulty swallowing is usually an issue of brain function,rather than of dry mouth.

As my mother was dying, we played all her favorite music. We got no reaction from her, but in retrospect, it helped us feel like we were doing something.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's excruciating.

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