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sherridale Asked September 2010

I am 42-years-old and recently had a stroke but I'm caring for my Father with Cancer, instead of taking care of myself. Any suggestions for me?!

I am 42 years old and recently had a stroke, caring more for my Father who has end-stage cancer than taking care of myself. I have deficits due to the stroke. My father is currently on the inpatient hospital hospice unit. I visit nearly everyday. It is difficult for me to do this, but I feel guilty if I do not visit often, since he is dying. It is the highlight of his day when my husband and I visit him. (He is very confused, sad, and nervous about where he is.) I have been doing hospice grief counseling, but I am still feel sad, guilty, and cry often. It is soooo difficult for me to see Dad go through so much pain and confusion. (I am a Daddy's Girl.) He is my Father, my Hero. Please.... any suggestions?!

NancyH Sep 2010
First of all, the fact that you're doing pretty good for having had a stroke is amazing. Many people aren't so fortunate. Next, if it were my father dying of cancer, I'd put myself on the back burner so to speak and spend as much time with him as I could. You'll have nothing to feel guilty about later, with spending time with him now. Of course you're going to cry, who wouldn't? You're grieving now in anticipation, but I would think it would be important for your dad's mental health if you were more upbeat when you go to see him. That is just going to make him feel more nervous and sad right? At least that's how I see it. Talk about the days when you were little, give him something to think about more than just his surroundings.
I'm sorry about your daddy.

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