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I am struggling with my perception of Moms aging. Am I in denial about it? There are some issues in my life that have caused me to doubt and second guess things that I thought were true. Feels like things are unraveling and I am adrift. Anyone else go thru something similar?
What. What if... Alzheimers starts way earlier than what is thought about on this day and age.What if the cure was before the the brain showed the signs.What if When the signs occur the brain is done fighting
Recently I have found myself worrying about my own memory, and it has me scared. My primary physician said it probably was due to all the stress dealing with my aging parents [they were in their 90's and were still living on their own], and the lack of sleep over the past 7 years. Mom recently passed and Dad is now safe in Independent/Assisted Living, and I am dealing with clearing out their house of 70+ years of "stuff".
And part of me is thinking maybe I am overthinking this. I've been learning so much about Alzheimer's/Dementia, that maybe I am transferring it to myself. I am looking at my sig other and also my boss whenever they are talking, wondering if they are showing signs.... I am even looking at one of the Presidential candidates thinking how he keeps repeating things over and over, if he has the beginning of memory issues :P
Every now and then I will count backwards from 100 subtracting 2 each time, and am relieved when I can do it :)
Be sure to check medication side effects and know the the symptoms of any ailments a loved one may be challenged with. For instance hypothyroidism can memic dementia. Thyroid Medication has not been successful with regulating the thyroid stimulating hormone - currently seeking a natural alternative.
My mother who has an extremely high IQ is in full denial, so I don't think it has anything to do with it. Instead she yells and accuses people (like me) of being incompetent because we haven't told her "x," although it has been repeated over and over including in detailed emails. She refuses to let me talk to her doctor although many people -- including those outside the family -- have noticed that she is the early stages of dementia. I think in her case stubbornness, and the willingness to blame others for her own memory losses, is keeping her from getting a diagnosis. It makes me sad, not because I'm constantly attacked and dealing with the same "emergency" over and over, but because I think there are medications out there that could slow her progress.
fedup15 ; You are not alone. My mother who is 86 has recently been diagnosed with Vascular Disease after falls that put her into hospltal in the last year. She has been having small strokes for a long time by the damage thats been done. She has bad short term memory and still goes about catching buses and carrying shopping bags even after been told not to because of the risks. She is going along with home help only to keep me happy, she thinks theres nothing wrong. I understand its the disease but knowing she is out there walking about and at risk is scary. Tried overnight care within a respite nursing home . Doesnt want to go back.
My mother has had her vascular dementia DX for 7 years or so. She, to this day, denies that there is anything wrong with her except that she's an old lady. I was her main day to day care giver. My son , who is disabled, developed some serious kidney issues and I had to devote my time to him. My brother increased Mom's Home Instead Care, but not enough. Because I dared to bring up moving her to a facility where she would have 24/7 care and supervision, she got very angry with me. My brother, who is her POA, was all set to get her to move. I had found a wonderful place. When he found out he had to fill out the paperwork instead of me, it was no go and he and my sister shut me out. I tried to see my Mom but she wouldn't talk to me. She has/had help 5 days a week, but after dinner time, she was alone all night until about 10 AM the next morning. And, she is alone except for a couple of hours the whole weekend - alone. If she falls she has no concept of how to get herself up without cues and prompts (she falls quite a bit). She cannot hang a tee shirt on a hanger. That is where she was at when I last saw her. The denial by her and my siblings will get her hurt. Or worse. If anything happens it's on them. But I still worry because I am the only one who was strong enough to do what was best for Mom.
It depends on each individual circumstance. My husband had graduate school education and had a vast vocabulary. He functioned very well verbally and when he lost enough vocabulary that he was having trouble expressing himself I realized something was wrong but he was in denial probably out of pride or fear or both. For awhile his coping mechanism was to try to make a joke out of his not remembering a name or date or fact, but when it became evident that he was forgetting how to tell me things, he would speak out in annoyance and accuse me of pretending to not know what he was talking about. All of this happened at the same time that he began having trouble seeing at night--cataracts and he became irritable, and he seemed to be needy and not wanting me to go anywhere without him. So I called the family doc to alert her to this privately so that she could assess things when she was examining him. She either didn't get the message or forgot herself. So a few weeks later he had to go in for a follow up and that time I talked to her privately before she went in to see him. She gave him a cognitive test and she suggested that he go see a doctor at an Alz Center. So we did that. He failed the test and it so rattled him that he refused to return to the Alz Center, which BTW was in a University hospital area--hard to get to and a nightmare to find parking. That was 3 years ago. He died last week. He declined exceptionally quickly. It was a nightmare for both of us. I know I will miss him but he is so much better off in Heaven.
Thank you for sharing, this is so important. My aunt lived alone and as nieces, it was very difficult to pick up in what were, looking back, infrequent visits. Phone calls, which were much more frequent, well it was hard to notice since they were during the day, you weren't there to SEE the difference, and it seemed in retrospect, she was "sundowning" at night. Ultimately neighbors called us to tell us of her strange behavior. I think my aunt's closest friends saw with but as my aunt was fiercely independent it probably seemed cruel to take her away from that. It was a difficult situation. There was denial even on the part of us, the nieces, we never imagined our headstrong aunt compromised in such a way, despite her advanced age.
God bless and grace you for your courage and wisdom. I noticed the decline in my hubby. I begged him to go to the dr. He would not. I turned to his son and cousin to assist in getting him to the dr. They told me that I was delusional. When he did finally go a couple of years later he and they blamed me for his illness. Insane I know but maladaptive thinking is everywhere. I lost my hubby years before his death to these twisted thinking. Advances in medical treatment and support is needed fir patient and caregiver alike. Please come forward.
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Denial in the Face of Dementia
Alzheimers starts way earlier than what is thought about on this day and age.What if the cure was before the the brain showed the signs.What if When the signs occur the brain is done fighting
And part of me is thinking maybe I am overthinking this. I've been learning so much about Alzheimer's/Dementia, that maybe I am transferring it to myself. I am looking at my sig other and also my boss whenever they are talking, wondering if they are showing signs.... I am even looking at one of the Presidential candidates thinking how he keeps repeating things over and over, if he has the beginning of memory issues :P
Every now and then I will count backwards from 100 subtracting 2 each time, and am relieved when I can do it :)