I think a rally is a final gift. How I would for my husband to experience this. He has not been able to speak since he was diagnosed with FTD six years ago. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
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Carol - thank you for the extremely helpful articles you write. You are amazing. Sadly, I'm not having the Hallmark moment these other posters are. I belong in the "dying abusive narcissistic elder parent" forum, and this parent was supposed to go a week to a month after her initial diagnosis, and here we are 18 months later. She covets her home and independence more than anyone or anything, pushes away anyone who tries to help her (as this would mean a loss of control), and remains extremely manipulative to get what she wants. It looked bad 6 months ago, so I came, and my "nursing" got her back on her feet for another 6 months. Here we are again, at Christmas, and the woman who abandoned me among other things said she was dying, effectively coercing me to leave my kids 2,000 miles away so I could help her again. She went so far as to ask hospice to bring a walker, bedside commode, and oxygen (none have been used). She is ill, but when I realized the enjoyment she was experiencing for getting me to come, I let her know that I would be leaving soon, and she was welcome to join me in my home, or go to a nursing home - wow. Previously bedridden, she got up, went up and down the stairs a few times, tried to psychoanalyze me (suddenly her "brain fog" lifted) and announced that she was perfectly fine to stay in her home alone. I'm so mad. Tomorrow is Christmas and even if I got in my car and started driving right now I wouldn't get home fast enough. So many thoughts in my head about how this demonstrates why coveting things is evil, combined with my need to "honor my mother" and be a better daughter than she ever was a mother, and the conflicting emotions of anger, guilt, shame, and honestly, wish that she would just die already. Clearly I lack the courage to just put her in an nursing home and say buh-bye, which is what I would direct any sane person to do in this situation. My kids are wonderful and very secure, very happy with their dad and all their relatives so me missing them is selfish on my part. But I love them and miss them so much, and feel like such a fool for believing my horrible mother and burdening everyone so that I can be here now instead. My husband is stationed in South America and found a way to come back and stay home with our kids. Yes she is enjoying that we aren't spending time together. She has no one else, as my only brother is caring for his dying wife, and she never did anything for anyone else. I have wondered if she dies in her sleep tonight if I will feel guilty and the answer is no, I will be relieved. Unfortunately I don't expect this to happen and I will have to put my Courage suit on and do what I should have done months ago. Merry Christmas.
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My mother had a rally when my brother came recently and is still having it. Hope she goes to heaven soon and ends her suffering.
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Pretty much every single person in my life who has died, from the time I was born 34 years ago to now...EVERYONE...has died from cancer. Family members, friends...every single dog I've ever had...cancer. It's been a constant in my life and a word that's been a part of my daily vocabulary and routines since I was 4 years old.

I have seen, firsthand, this "rally" and it truly is remarkable. Days before my grandfather succumbed to cancer, we were all having dinner together as a family, and he was as spry, light-hearted and fun as he ever was. By the next evening he was suffering and we had to call hospice to take him.

A month ago I put my dog down. She had just turned 7 and was suffering from a form of cancer called Mast Cell Tumors. It was ultra-aggressive...from not being there to all of a sudden being stage 3 (equivalent of stage 4 in a human) in the span of a month. The day before she suffered her fatal rupture, she was a blast...playful, spunky, cuddly...everything she was before she was diagnosed and then some! The next day her tumor ruptured and I had to rush her to the emergency vet, where they told me they had to put her down.

Whether it is sheer will, the human (or animal) spirit or some other cosmic force or scientific anomaly that is yet to be explained, I have seen with my own eyes the complete shutdown and defeat of cancer for at least a day, where the afflicted suddenly have overwhelming strength of will as if the cancer is not even there.

Thank you for posting this.
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Yes, I saw this with my mom. August 6th was my mom's birthday. She was in the nursing home and having her favorite birthday cake. She was very happy and talkative! I thought she was going to get better. Then, two days later, she went to hospital with UTI, pneumonia and blood pressure issued. About week later, she died on August 16th.
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Thank you for this, Carol. This information will help me, should that time come.
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Thank you SO MUCH for posting this. This happened to my mother some nine months before she passed, but most cancer forums only talk about post-treatment fatigue. My father said this was a surge of energy resulting from recovery from chemotherapy fatigue, but now I'm getting the sense that it's more a sign that the patient is critical. Wish I'd known that then. :(
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