My MIL, at 93 years old, after having just chosen to have a hysterectomy, during Covid, while still living in an apartment in an independent living facility 45 minutes from us, and still driving....told my husband, her only living child, to "stay out of her business." My husband had a good idea of her financial situation but she was a pathological liar and was never actually totally truthful. We talked with our lawyer about options but the legal system is not on our side and guardianship/ declaring someone incompetent is very difficult and costly. My husband had to step away. Just months after her hysterectomy she contracted Covid and died of complications. My husband found medical papers when cleaning out her apartment that showed she was in much worse shape after her surgery than she ever told us...and she would not let my husband talk with her doctors. Bottom line...yes....all children need to lovingly try to become familiar with their parents' financial and mental/physical situation. But there is very little children can do when the parents refuse to disclose their situation and allow help from the kids. We just have to let it go, especially when we do everything legally possible to protect our parents...and protect others FROM our aging parents...and disaster still strikes because our parents pushed us away.
Rot article for those of us with abusive parents. My mother delights in knowing she is leaving me a mess by refusing to discuss anything. It's beyond not caring the mess she will leave behind, it's actual joy in knowing she's screwing me over again. Maybe at least address in articles like this what those of us whose parents refuse to discuss should do.
I tried for two years then gave up as all I got was her saying that I wanted her dead. No matter how delicately I phrased it, followed expert tips and told her my own information (which she promptly discussed with others against my wishes), she wouldn't tell me anything. She now loves to tell everyone, who she's estranged from me, how I wish her dead.
The crazy making pushes some of us to need to rant somewhere as I have here....
2 Comments
First Oldest
First
Why Your Aging Parents’ Finances Are Your Business
I tried for two years then gave up as all I got was her saying that I wanted her dead. No matter how delicately I phrased it, followed expert tips and told her my own information (which she promptly discussed with others against my wishes), she wouldn't tell me anything. She now loves to tell everyone, who she's estranged from me, how I wish her dead.
The crazy making pushes some of us to need to rant somewhere as I have here....