It is apparent to me that after having my mother live with me for 10+ years that I will be greatly 'affected' in a more intense 'way' than my brothers who live 1000 miles away and have not contributed to her care in any way. There is almost no words for the toll it takes on a full-time, hands-on caregiver. Grieving from afar (unseen) is less devastating from the caregiver who deals with making decisions 24/7 and caring one-on-one. Let's no kid anyone.