I tried something else. We could not get access to local Christian services in the area, so I found something and I held our our Christmas religious service at the house. I am sharing this because it might help someone else someday. I did an Internet search on "Christian Worship Services for People with Dementia," and I found a handbook for pastors to hold services at nursing homes. I applied the basic ideas to lead a worship service on Christmas Day at our house for my 84 year old mother with Alzheimer's Disease. In this service, I gave her a little manger scene to hold rather than the cross recommended in the general services, and we had a little Christian service at the house. It was a blessing how she remembered some of the songs, and in the service it gives pauses for familiar phrases to allow the patient to add in some of the words, which God Bless her she did remember. I am going to do this on Sundays now in the morning as long as I can. Thank you so much Holland Home Evening Star. A drop of hope. God Bless You.

I loved the whole article, especially the part about trying to be happy when we're not, and the part about trying to achieve perfection. It really hit home for me right now. I appreciate that there are things to read and people who write them to help others. We just need to apply them to ourselves. Thank you.

Thank you! Maybe I will be able to push some of the guilt you speak of out and enjoy the season with my family and loved ones.

Very good. I am living in a Sr apartment in Vancouer, WA. My daughter lives near here. She is out of town now visiting her son's family. I will spend Christmas day with her and her husband. My family in Oklahoma had so much fun at holidays. I will miss that. One thing that helps me is to remember what Christmas is all about, the birth of Jesus. We can put Christian greetings on our door to our apartments, but not on the bulletin boards in the lobby. So much for the unbelievers getting in control. I hope you and yours have a very blessed and safe Christmas. Verna
PS. When I was in the WACs, the chaplains could pray in Jesus' name, but not anymore. What is going on here?

Thank you so much for putting a realistic perspective on the holiday season. With the pressures of gift giving, maintaining outdated traditions, and shallowness of consumerism seeping in through every means possible, keeping good cheer is such a challenge for many of us.

Such an inspiring article. I learned so much from this. In addition to being a caregiver I lost my oldest child several years ago and a few days before Christmas so that has always been a time I dread. For the first few years my parents were around to help and encourage but now one has died and the other is dying of Alzheimer's so its a double whammy. Although this article is mainly for caregivers all the information in it would apply to those grieving also. I got a lot of comfort from this article.

Thank you for this!

Jeff... So many of us can relate to what you're saying and going through... Caregivers are real pluggers that's for sure! I've been working through a maze of ups and downs for the past 10 years now as a caregiver for my mom. I've had to contend with a multitude of family issues (you're so right, no one out there that isn't in our shoes has any inkling of what we go through). One thing I can tell you is that YOU are and ANGEL!... Do whatever it takes to give yourself mini-breaks to get away a bit!... I've been to 'counselors' but (for me) I've found they really haven't worked, because I (now know) I have to 'work' on myself. I do count my Blessings... and, yes put one foot in front of the other... also... trying to live in the now (heard about this book: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle... maybe we both should read it)... In any case, this is the season for the 'reason'... I'm glad you're here on this site... Blessings and write whenever the urge strikes!...

Honestly, the holidays for me are the most miserable time of the year. We do everything to try to keep things on an even keel for my 84 year old mother with Alzheimer's but the holidays do make things so difficult in caregiving for someone with dementia. People at work or other places expect you to be so jolly, when really you just with to God you could get a decent night's sleep, and a day without dementia drama. I try to incorporate coloring books or pre-school crafts, but you know there just isn't the time most days. Thanksgiving was such a nightmare. Ugh. My wife is traveling to see some her relatives two weeks this month, and caregiving respite is so unreliable during the holidays. I am just steeling myself to try to make it through this month. I keep trying to set short-term goals. Make it though this morning, afternoon, night. Make it through this day. Make it through this week. Make it through this month. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes I think I should see a therapist for depression, but honestly like the article says a lot of us have a reason not to be "happy." Thank you Heart2Heart for the empty box idea. I might try that. I never thought of that.

There are so many stupid lists of "10 Things You can do to Put Joy in the Season" and "7 Easy Steps to a Simpler Holiday" and "9 Ways You Can Overcome Holiday Stress" that I almost didn't open this article. Glad I did. You've nailed it, Carol. These truly are ten concepts that can help caregivers handle the extra challenges and stresses of this time of year. And some of them -- like giving up the expectation for perfection -- are worth thinking about whether you are caregiving or not!

Yes, it's definitely nice to feel we're not alone when it comes to holidays, especially seeing many of those around us look 'happy'. Wanted to add this note... I know my mother can't get out and shop (like most in need of help), so she also feels badly that she can't 'give'. This year we decided we are Blessed every day, so we don't need to give each other gifts... So, we laugh and say we're giving each other an empty box (this also added levity to the situation and I can tell she's relieved already).