My Mother 90 yrs. old, lived in her home with her Husband 92yrs old and their caregiver son my brother,She collapsed one morning and when the Rescue
squad arrived,we were asked if there was a DNR, as my brother and I quizzicly looked at one another then my Mom had resuscitating thru the heart pushes while she seemed deceased on the ground...what would I have done differently...too late now...I believe that family doesn't want to even think about the ending in this case of a sickly,demented,hurting for two days with diareaha...who literally died on the spot when vomiting then asphyiciating...in the back of the car when we were trying to take her to the
emergency as I did not call the rescue squad until I saw her slump over with
dialated pupils. we do not ever think that the end is near until a crisis occurs..then we are left with well why didn't you go to emergency.sooner...this is plain denial and non attentiveness to the inevitable. do a DNR also would I have refused her heart pushes...……….don't know it seems that I would want anything
possible done for My mother...…...so there you are.

Patient Advocate is a great idea! Mthr wants nothing to prolong if she is terminal w 6 mos or fewer. Her doc won't sign POLST until then, even though she is in late stage 6. I want to spare her from having CPR and breaking bunches of ribs just for her to survive the night before expiring, as I hear so many elderly folks do. I can't bear the thought. I plan to laminate the pink copy and frame it over her bed!

This is helpful however, my problem does not involve the problem of not having had such discussion with my Mom. It was made very, very clear as to what she wanted and it is certainly not to live in the condition she is now (severe dementia). Her HCP indicates clearly that she did not want resuscitation or anti-biotic. I have been forced to give it to her 3 times over the past 2 years against my verbal instruction and had a DNR ignored once. Doctors, ERs and nursing homes need to be made more aware of what patients and guardians wishes are and respect those decisions. The "easy fix" the Drs. call anti-biotics doesn't fix the dementia and its effects. Those of us who are the Proxy agents need to stand strong against the money sucking systems in place and Doctors that say you can't do something that is so clearly written. If anything I have learned is to call for a patient advocate before you let them do anything against your loved ones wishes. Here I am living with the guilt of what her life has become over the last year and half.