[[smiling!]]
Be careful what you repeatedly say...I learned that the hard way several years ago.
I used to say: "God willing and the creek don't rise".
We soon had not one, but two consecutive winters with 500-yr. flooding....I stopped saying that old saying--immediately....
Of course, it is more likely a coincidence.
But what timing!?
I had to think deeply about what quip I could keep repeating---saying "It could be worse"...heck, the Universe would step into my world in a heartbeat, and offer up something worse, just to show it can!
It takes some determination to find a positive quip to use as a stand-by---something like:
"Lord, I sure love the __[fill in blank]__"
Etc. what makes sense in your situation.
But make your daily mantra a good, positive, happy one....just something that simple, can subtly change one's day to a bit better--and who knows?! MAYbe it really does fundamentally change how the Universe ticks?!
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I think you should have a plan because you never know when your husband might go downhill FAST. You don't want to have to scramble. Look around yourself. He doesn't have to go unless he wants to. Good luck. It is not easy.
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I care for my 96 year old grandmother now, the greatest challenge I face is her acceptance of her limits. She has been independent her whole life. Her sons are finding it a challenge to face her new limits as well. She has always been the rock we all relied on. Now she needs us. A huge adjustment. I stay out of her way as much as possible, so she keeps as much independence as possible. But always close to keep an eye on her.
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There are difficult times, but I think the worst is when you lose a loved one. Second to that are the petty reclusive relatives who disappear when a family member falls ill and needs assistance, until it's time to resolve an estate, then here they come with their hands out crying about their entitlement. Otherwise in general it takes very special people to be caregivers, patience, common sense and immense emotional strength. There should be a medal of honor for every caregiver as far as I'm concerned, and the life lessons learned from it are priceless in so many ways.
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Wow, Marlis, you sound like someone I'd like to have nearby to visit. To give so much of yourself for so many years and still be cheerful, that's s a rare gift.

Recently I adopted the mantra, "Yes I can!"

What came to mind reading your words is that I wonder if a residential transition could be made sooner rather than later, to ease the worry of what will happen if you predecease your husband.

I'm aware of retirement communities where they offer stages of care, from zero to nursing home. That way you would have a process in place so your husband is looked after whether you are able to help him or not. Also I know some of these places are expensive. But perhaps there are similar alternatives that could be explored.

Bottom line is to set it up now so you can better enjoy the years that YOU have left. Good luck and God bless.
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