And what do you do when you never had the connection in the first place? When the relative was a mean spirited, selfish and self-centred person to begin with who had little time for you when well and, whom everyone else in the family has either walked away from or is too elderly to help? When you become this person's whipping post, blamed for everything, real or imaginary. When you feel at breaking point because your own health is now suffering and you see no end - except your own?

Good article, but it was written under the assumption that dementia automatically equals the one with dementia automatically displays love one minute and hate the next. My husband is now in his fourth year of dementia, and he is always kind, loving, thoughtful, and grateful and pays me compliments every day and thanks me for taking such good care of him. I don't expect that he will ever fit the pattern that I have read so much about and lived in dread of. It doesn't automatically happen. Some dementia patients are cool, calm, and sweet, like my husband

Awesome! Thanks for writing and sharing. And yes love triumphs all, including dementia (and the unpredicted problems associated). Memories should restore and replenish; while stories of new and old should be shared and cherished (my Mom often likes to stand next to me while I cook for easier conversation). Thanks again:D

Go Figure..

Making connections is truly vital. Mom who is eighty with early dementia does pick up the feelings. I brought up to her earlier that we needed to make some changes in the bedroom because I was concerned for her safety. She got angry with me started cussing me out and almost threw me out of her house and said never come back unless you can treat me with respect. I left for a little while and came back and we went back to the bedroom and started to go through the stuff that I had put on the bed. She was calm, she made sound decisions and I assured her that nothing was going to be thrown away. She began to think of what she wanted to keep and what she wanted to give away. We made a connection and later after dinner , I assured her that I was looking out for her safety and she was appreciative of my efforts.

Thank you for this article. I'm here reading comments frequently and find this site so helpful, especially when I am feeling down hearted and and sorry for the situation I find we are in. Things can always be worse. Seize the day and the beauty in it! Blessings All.

This is the best article I have read yet online. I was just at a Caregivers Conference yesterday and this links with everything that was said there. My husband is currently in a nursing home for Rehab and I want to bring him home very soon. He has not been talking for a couple of years…….not much, I mean. While at the nursing home he talks before he is forced to. He is relating daily activities and stories about the person who bathes him, how the other people are "crazy" etc. True he is a level above them and I want to bring him home because he can still communicate and interact with me. I love him very much and have for the last 37 years. He has had Alzheimer's for 9 of those years. I would like to keep him home permanently. Thanks for this article of patience and caring. I loved it.

Reading this has brought me an enlightenment into my behavior. I was born in a hurry, multitasking all the time! Just being delayed until he and his walker are out of my way can stifle any good thoughts I may have just had.

So, I am going to concentrate on slowing down and engage him more in the only conversation he enjoys - the olden days - with photograph albums, etc. We have many, many enjoyable times on film and I shall take the time to go over them more.

Ohmoondance, don't be gone long... We would miss you so!

Very well said. Great information. I'm not sure why I am here now so Have a great day -I be gone...

I am living it with my husband & just happen to be a Psychiatric R.N.
I understand the disease. I will not leave him.
He hates when I say, "I understand." I say it no more & always remember that love is a verb. I am here to serve & he is my teacher.

You are so right about understanding the PWP on their level and really listen to the feelings behind the words. A whole lot of it is fear because they are trapped in their own little universe (especially with a hearing loss). I get out of patience but try and remember that I CAN remember, at least for the present....

I think of course you can. It is just like loving the sinner, but hating he sin.

Thank you for this article.....I just started keeping a journal, and it does help to vent out some of the frustration and anger I feel toward a situation that feels so impossible and unfair,