I disagree with the advice to be listed at POA on all the accounts rather than as a co-owner. If you are listed only as POA, upon the death of the elder, you have no access to the accounts to pay final expenses since POA ends at death. It can take weeks or months to have someone appointed as the executor of the estate, depending on whether there is a valid will and the court schedule, especially with COVID. Having your name as a co-owner on one checking account allows you to take care of expenses while waiting for an executor to be named. The money should still come from the elder and not be co-mingled with money from the POA, but the POA will have authority to pay bills.

I highly recommend EverSafe as another service to consider for older parents. It has alerts focused on potential fraud - and unpaid bills, etc. You can assign a power of attorney as well as others (adult kids, CPA, lawyer) to get alerts - without their having access to your money. A power of attorney can be helpful but you should have a team keeping an eye on your money as well.

Thanks to you all. As difficult as all this is, it really helps to hear from others in the same predicament. I just opened them a new bank account at MY bank using my POA. My plan is to take all bill money and whatever I think is extra for the month, and move it to this new account. Unfortunately, there are several automatic deposits and payments attached to the accounts I'm taking from so it will take more time to get those changed. In the meantime, it's like a race! Mom's usually out of money the week before the pensions or SS come in so she calls to hear automated info about balances and if there's anything in there, she writes a check. Makes me think I have to change all those automatic payments to the beginning of the month so they've cleared by the time she's run out of funds. This is exhausting!! And the truth is, while I'm making headway in these baby steps, she and her husband are becoming less and less capable of even day to day basics. Whew! Thanks again for listening.

I just opened this right after dealing with my Dad's checkbook. My name is on the checking account, but I am not a POA, just write his bills each month. And can I be honest, I am really tired and frustrated with doing this. He pays no attention to what the bills are or how much money he does not have. He is now down to a very small annuity and SS. Yet he spends and spends and spends. Makes absolutely no difference when I tell him he is basically out of money. I am just so tired of him only being concerned with what interests him and no interest in the money, savings, etc. Sorry, I just needed to vent.

Wow! valuable information. Wish I could have found out about this while I was spending down my mom's assets to qualify her for Medicaid. The Business Manager at the Nursing Home was not knowledgeable regarding the Medicaid Application Process. Therefore, once her assets were depleted the Nursing Home was Private Pay. After that I used my mom's Social Security and Pension for her co-pays bills. Now the current Business Manager at the Nursing Facility has a Pit Bullish approach in collecting the money. The previous BM left abruptly and left a huge mess. I feel good that I used all of her assets on her care rather on myself. I took care of the Irrevocable Funeral, Burial Trust, and Headstone. However, I'm a bit overwhelmed at the Nursing Home Collection approach. I'm barely making ends meet. I currently live in my mom's house. I work full time. However, I'm not able to pay the outstanding balance. I've heard horror stories of how nursing homes try to take homes, property etc. My mom had a small estate . I know things will work out for me.

Nothing like being out in public, in a store, and having her arguing about me 'trying to take away her right to look after her money' when she is trying to buy the sixth lipstick in exactly the same color as she bought two weeks ago!
I've started to lie. I tell her that she only has about 80 percent of the money that she actually has, and I put it down in her check book ( and go online to check the REAL amount). This is the only way I can keep her from getting overdrawn because she will go and buy eighty dollars worth of stuff in the drugstore!

thanks so much for responding and caring. I'm wondering whether I should give her a prepaid credit/debit card either weekly or biweekly. That way I can add money to it online even if she gets into a bind somewhere, although she's likely to get into daily binds. I'll have to try and see.

My dad handled all the finances and budgeting, and I still kick myself when I left mom to manage alone after he died. Within three years she came to me in tears because she was out of money. I went through her checkbook and found enormous amounts spent on groceries and extra stuff...if she wanted it, she bought it. That sounds like your mom, purpleorchids. Mom refused to move to a more affordable place so I had to start paying many of her bills. She complains about my not being available to take her to appointments and I remind her that the reason I can't be on 24/7 beck-and-call is because I'm working past retirement so she can stay in her house. Her response? "I don't want to hear about that". Even now, she spends like crazy and doesn't save a cent.

So, purpleorchids, is it possible that you can "help" in some way by drawing up a budget? If she refuses to comply with sensible methods, let her suffer the consequences. I've been using the word "choice" as in..."the options were...(this) and YOU CHOSE to do this." Unless an elder is suffering from dementia or other mental incapability, bratty behavior shouldn't be tolerated. It's difficult not to be frustrated and angry and sometimes I just have to step away and breathe!

This is very helpful as I'm working with all those aspects. One thing I can't get a handle on, though, is how to stop mom from spending every cent she can get her hands on and overdrafting her personal checking account at the end of each month. I've thought to give her prepaid bank cards staggered over the month, but wonder if there's a better way. Also, at least once a day mom convinces someone that she has no money and can't afford basics (copays at the doctor's office, gas for her car, etc.) She is very happy when she tells me about this and quickly gets angry and warns me not to get involved/ruin things when I tell her she's not indigent. Not sure what to do about this.