Great article with thoughtful advice. Mediation can be an incredible tool to help families through this stage. Understand that siblings are all coping with the decline of their parents' condition and going through this together, with the guidance of mediator, can help everyone cope and produce the best outcome.

Family mediators can be helpful if there is a big problem with dynamics. Most communities have a family health facility that may be able to provide one or else tell you whom you can contact. Third parties generally keep everyone on their best behavior and can keep things from disolving into old feuds.

I found this article to be very helpful. My aging mother of 75 has her mother of 96 living with her. My mother has her own health issues and her mother has been less than cooperative in being a good house guest. whenever my mother has asked her siblings for help, they make excuses and start the "blame game" and ultimately get no where.

We just had an extreme blowup occur between my brother and myself. He is not in on the day to day issues with Mom and completely shocked and hurt me deeply by lashing out at me for 'preaching' every time he sees me. He said horrible things to me, I cried, and he ended up storming out, vowing never to return. When I try to discuss issues we are having - i.e. Mom refuses to cooperate with minimal p.t. exercises. She lives with my other brother (I live around the block) who voices the opinion that she is 84 years old and should be able to do whatever she wants. I take her to numerous doctors' appointments and listen to their recommendations, but I am 'preaching' when I try to get some cooperation in carrying them out. It was a HORRIBLE evening and I am at a loss in trying to deal with this.

Great tips and well organized. As for put it in writing, I advise to let someone volunteer and get copies to all but make sure this
happens. Even a week later someone will inevitably say they forgot what went on or didn't understand. By documenting all action items each person has a record of the agreements made.
I would also recommend a neutral party and a recommendation as to who is an elder accountant. It is interesting and sometimes dismaying how money talk changes all aspects of the meeting and an elder accountant can bring an important perspective to the family about care for one's elder, especially as the agenda may include discussions/disagreements regarding use of an elder's finances.
One other suggestion is to encourage the elder to name CO-POWERS OF ATTORNEY in legal decisions. This eases lots
of tension and is critical when family discussions lead to decisions. If the POA doesn't agree then nothing can take place.