I speed walk 3 - 4 miles per day which of course is beneficial in m,any ways, but does not much for neck and shoulder muscle tension. How about sharing the source of your yoga exercises with us Carol?

Walking is one healthy way, even for 5 minutes, to cope.

Great Article, but where are the exercises? PLEASE post a few for those of us who are like you in many ways, but need a bit of help.

A good method to deal with stressful conflicts are examples dialogued by emails here: Speak up to protect yourself and be able to help yourself first in order to help other family members.

3. You may say to some family member, "I really enjoyed talking with you on the phone today; you are so kind and good at making someone feel more comfortable. I feel much better after talking with you".

OK, it appears that I am not able to stop working to spend more time with Mom, and I am so very sorry, so in my opinion, I am no different than an 18-year-old out of high school and must pursue looking for work at age 57 and holding a job until further notice. Unfortunately, Mom will just have to let me go to do my obligations, and I will spend some time with her at the board-and-care home whenever possible. I will continue as POA to pay her bills for her, but I may not check my emails more often than once per week just like I did when I had worked at the Bank last year. If an urgent alert or any emergency is necessary before, let's say, Mondays, please next call me at my cell number or at home for a quicker response. Thank you.

2. Hi Family: In my opinion, I can very quickly see that severe conflict continues to exist for me between helping Mom (since her last year's injury) or by seeking work or trying to hold a job. Is there any possible option that our family can help me out financially until Mom's final passing? Mom and I do miss each other very much; we have been extremely close for nearly 40 years. Unfortunately, our situation is that finances are difficult given the history of our Valente's parents failed marriage and ultimate divorce in 1956. After all of us children became 18 or finished high school, Dad cut off all of our financial supports, and we had to all earn our separate ways. I did manage to support myself since at least 1978 with full-time jobs. But I am once again unemployed and do not know when another job will be landed. At this point, I expect about X Dollars of weekly unemployment benefits, and I spend about X to $'s monthly. The Healthcare Reform of next year will probably reduce my individual insurance costs. Is there any hope in our family (excluding Mom), that I can receive family financial support of at least half of what I spend until our situation improves? That way, I will be better able to focus on one thing, and that is family to visit and help Mom much more often. I feel pressure on me, and I do not mean to react so much and get upset with anyone, but I think that something has to be dropped out of my responsibilities soon. I think that family takes priority in our special situation. Please tell me what you think. Mom is 93 and may not be around much longer, and I really miss her as much as she misses me. However, I must arrange a way to keep up our condo. I do not want to be forced into a situation to sell and move; remember, most of Mom's belongings are at our place, leaving our jointly-owned residence at an awkward optional existence. Thank you! This is not a option because everyone must earn their own ways.
1. Subject: Mom's Dental Care
July 6, 2013

Hi Family Member,
I just want to follow up on Mom's routine dental care. Ed was a bit confused after the two of you spoke this afternoon. Has Mom been seeing a dentist on a regular basis to have her teeth cleaned, etc.? Yes, since March last year but as an uninsured patient. Cleaning has been done. Only one tooth that had to be pulled out was X-Rayed last year. If so, who is her dentist?
Does Mom currently have dental insurance? NO, and according to Ed, a Kaiser ridership option was going to be looked into! Please ask Ed. If so, what insurer covers the cost of her care? No Insurance Coverage, and Mom was never interested in signing up since she retired from the retail clerks union in 1995.

Ed mentioned that Mom has upper dentures. Are all of her upper teeth gone (NO), or does she have bridgework (dentures) for just a few teeth?

If you're not sure about any of this, we'll ask Mom when we visit this month.

Hope you're having a restful weekend. No need to respond to this email until you feel you have the time. Yes, I visited Mom at 2pm on Sunday, and I did relax also. Thank you! Love You!
If your loved one in a care home or nursing home, the financial assistance will eventually go to Medicaid, so don't really worry about any inherited funds. Your parents worked for and earned it. You may eventually earn your own care at some point. Look, I not only speak up, but I also listen to music, TV and watch my 2 bettas at home. Then walk, eat a nice meal, take a hot bath and relax.

Unfortunately, I am going to have to pop my meds to be able to start anything physical. We are all unique. For me, doing anything other than walking is very painful. I'll have to take baby steps with the yoga. I know it will help with the pain, it's the getting started that's difficult. Who in the heck volunteers for torture? But, I am determined to begin. Slowly.

I understand this article completely. Although I am 57, I took ballet classes for 14 years growing up. I still know when something doesn't feel right in my body. Sitting in the floor and stretching relieves most of my pains. I haven't tried yoga but did try Tai Chi. It brought relief and strength to muscles I hadn't used in a long time. I am like the author, why don't Imake time for such simple things that make me feel better? The main thing is keep those muscles stretched, loose, or whatever and the joints don't hurt as much. They are like rubber bands - too much tension and you have problems!

The wisdom of this article will likely be lost on many Americans who have the type of chronic pain problems that this writer has addressed. Many would rather believe that popping anti-inflammatories, taking cortizone shots, and having jaw, wrist, neck, and back surgeries are the answer. Their doctor has likely been trained to handle TMJ/TMD, repetitive stress injuries, and bulging disks by treating the symptom instead of the cause.

I was one of the lucky ones. I had had severe TMJ (jaw) pain over a period of about 7 years. I was taking an anti-inflammatory drug daily. It was not relieving my pain. I didn't know where to turn. I started seeing specialists. I eventually drove 10 hours to one of this country's top superclinics. There, an oral surgeon told me that I would need open-joint surgery to my jaw joint in 6 months to 2 years, depending on my pain tolerance. Since that surgery was going to leave me with a 2-inch scar in front of my ear, I was reluctant. Plus, my parents knew someone in our neighborhood who had had that same surgery, ironically at that same superclinic, and was in more pain after her surgery than before. I took my parents' advice. I got a second opinion. I didn't know where to go. I just pulled the name of another oral surgeon out of a local phone book. Someone must have been looking out for me that day. This oral surgeon was different. He looked at my MRI and tomogram from the superclinic and said that although they had indicated my jaw disc was likely perforated, he personally felt there was probably a 50% chance that my problem was just muscular. He told me in confidence that many of the open joint surgeries done for TMJ/TMD--the same ones that he himself was doing--fail. He suggested that I stop taking the anti-inflammatory drug that I was taking and see a craniopath he knew who had been having great success in the treatment of TMJ/TMD using a purely palpatory neuromuscular approach.

Although I had a big question mark over my head of whether this would be worth my time, I took his advice. I had to drive two hours each way to see the craniopath. I saw him weekly, then eventually bi-weekly, over 6 months in 1992. His treatment was painless, took about 20 minutes, and cost $40 a session. The first week, I was amazed. I'd drive over their in pain and drive home pain free. It was as if the last 7 years of pain had never happened. But at first, the pain relief lasted only a day or two. But, as he predicted, after weeks of treatment, it started to hold. After six months, I stopped going. I never had the surgery recommended by the superclinic. And I never had pain in my jaw again. Around the same time, I also taught myself to stop tensing up the muscles in my jaw and to stop grinding my teeth at night. It took a few months, but I remember that I used to say over and over again, before I went to bed, stuff like "I will keep my jaw relaxed tonight, I will not grind my teeth tonight, etc.".

While I was seeing this craniopath, he explained to me that what he was doing was helping to restore good muscle tone that I had lost. He said that sometimes people, when they are stressed, develop a habit of tensing up one or more parts of his body, 24x7, to the point that circulation is reduced and oxygen to tissues is cut off (ouch!). For example, a person might do this in their neck and shoulders, eventually causing pain in the wrists and fingers. Or to the muscles in the lower back, causing lower back pain.. After years of this abuse, the muscle gets “locked up” (his term). The muscle has lost tone, the joints don't work the same, and cartilage has worn down. (He said that eventually this can get to the point where it’s down to bone against bone, and that at that point, there’s little that even a good neuromuscular specialist can do other than relieve pain temporarily.) In my case, he was able to restore good oxygenation, circulation, and muscle tone, and I became asymptomatic again.

I have told this story many times to people I meet who have told me about their chronic pain problems. I think that most don't believe that the solution to chronic joint pain can sometimes be this simple. They’d rather take the anti-inflammatories, have the cortizone shots, and get the jaw, neck, wrist, and back surgeries instead of getting a second opinion from someone who believes in treating the cause rather than the symptom.

Last winter my dad was in inpatient rehab for about a week. While our family was there, I got to talking with one of the occupational therapists. She said I wouldn’t believe her if she told me how many of her patients are there to get help for a chronic pain problem made worse by a surgery that was supposed to treat it. She also told me that what people need to ask a surgeon, before having an elective surgery for chronic pain, is what his success rate is; NOT the percentage of surgeries he’s done that were done correctly procedural wise (that’s the number he may try to give), but instead the percentage of patients he has operated on who, after his surgery, have had long-term relief of their painful symptoms.

Best wishes,