This has been an encouragement to read some comments. I see many are in a much more difficult situation than me. My mom, 89, also begged me 3 years ago (as another comment said) to move back to California down the street so we could care for her. Well, long story short, we (my husband and I) now have had to move in with her so she can stay in her home (fortunately my married son cares for our property) and sometimes she still demands that she doesn't need anyone with her even though she was hospitalized twice from falling and dementia issues before we moved in. We don't get paid anything but manage all her affairs and hygiene.. Once when I did the math, even at just $3.00 an hour, it is amazing what mom would owe us for these last 3 years of caring for her almost around the clock. We do not intend to "charge" for that past time, but after reading these comments, I think we may start some reasonable compensation for our lives now as full time care givers. My husband and I are mom's POA, and my husband supports himself and I as he always has. So really this issue just needs to be carefully and tenderly evaluated, I see that now. Thank you.

confusedandmad, please note that your Mom could have gone into a nursing home which would have been paid by Medicaid which is Federal/State funded... thus you would have been able to have kept your job. But you choose not to.

And you could have gotten subsidized health care insurance through the ACA or more commonly known as Obamacare which was made available for those who didn't have health care insurance or had limited insurance.

Thus, the U.S. government does care, unfortunately not enough people are informed of what is available to help them.

Confusedandmad..did you consult with anyone before you quit your job? There is a lot to consider before you jump into something. A durable power of attorney might have helped as well as other planning. There are programs for free legal assistance. Where I live there are also nice hospice facilities. Honoring your mother's wishes doesn't come without consequences.
You seem to be very angry at the government and I am not sure why as it was your choice to quit and not do the research before doing so. I'm not being harsh...it's just the facts. The government can't take care of all of us....we are the government because we fund it as taxpayers. If you have no income you should be able to qualify for Medicaid insurance.
I see instances where people refused to save and blew all their money and now ask the rest of us to subsidize them. This is far different from folks who worked and saved but have encountered a situation that overwhelms them (like health care costs and outliving their resources). I read of folks hiding money so they qualify for Medicaid but yet have money to pass on. Is that fair to the rest of us? Nothing guarantees you can pass anything on. A good tip is to buy life insurance if you want to leave money.
The bottom line is that life is not fair and there are no guarantees about anything.

A lot of people are asking if they can get paid if they take care of their aging loved one. Caregiving is usually done out of love and compassion, so there should be no monetary compensation attached to this. However, if this task will affect your work and your income, I guess there's nothing wrong to ask for compensation. There are actually three ways on how you can get paid and they are as follows: Long term care insurance, care agreement and Medicaid's cash and counseling program.

I quit my job last year so I could take care of my mother who is dying of cancer. I have no income but what she gives me every week and I feel horrible taking it. I have no one else that can help. i'm her only living relative. We do have hospice but that gives me maybe an hour a day to myself. I promised her I wouldn't put her in a nursing home an I won't but it looks like the gov. could help me some how but there is a loop hole everytime they will help, they take away some income of hers. Now she has only a few weeks an is not able to sign anything I was told things but it's to late. I'm not complaining but I have watched my mother die every min of every day for almost a year and the stress alone is overwhelming. But does the gov. care?? NO. All because I didn't know she should have signed a paper stating I was getting paid an taking care of her. Now I can't claim her or get any help. Thanks Obama, I don't even have health care myself.

A related conversation about the responsibilities of taxes going on over here:

https://www.agingcare.com/155586?cpage=0&cm=310858#310858

I understand that everyone has siblings that don’t help, we are in the same boat with siblings (we are taking care of both my husband’s parents who are 79 and 84, in our home, both aren't mobile). My husband’s parents pay him to care for taking care of them since a nursing home stay can result in $15,000/mo for them both as full-pay. My in-laws are very well off, can no longer care for themselves, have saved money their entire life and would rather not see $175,000/year of their assets to go to a nursing home. My in-laws never thought they would ever have to go into a nursing home, but neither are well enough to be able to stay in their home. My father-in-law had a stroke and is partially paralyzed and onset of dementia, and my mother in law has many health issues, rhumetoid artheritis, and chronic pain but is in her right state of mind. It sometimes seems as if those siblings who don’t do the day-to-day care giving are the ones who have the most to say about what you do or don’t do concerning elderly parents (probably due to inheritance issues)! 4 of my husband’s siblings live out of state and one lives close to us, but he “just isn’t a caregiver” (so he says), and I understand that fact. He is not married anymore and has no children, owns his home, and has a good job. He helps only when asked, and it's mostly to help with household repairs, helping my husband. And people also need to understand that they may not be as close to their parents as the one willing to providing the care. One of my sister in laws won’t have much to do with my father-in-law because of the way she was raised….VERY tough-love and harsh. For some people, care giving just isn’t for them, they aren’t sympathetic, empathetic, or “in-tune” with what elderly people need, or have no idea what to do. Some people are just more nurturing than others…doesn’t make it right that they have to provide all the care though. And, some siblings may have very complicated lives with children, grandchildren, etc., and may really not be able to help. For those siblings, I say maybe you should all get together and talk about what care they CAN provide if they can’t be there physically. Maybe instead of the hands-on care, they can provide something monetarily, like paying for a monthly prescription that the elderly parent can’t pay for, purchase something frivolous that Medicaid won’t pay for to make their life easier, or maybe something simple like paying someone every now and then to come mow YOUR lawn, or maybe a housekeeper visit or two per month, or pay for a little respite care or service to come every other month just so you can get a break. There are ways they can help that they can save up for, just to help out in some way. Better yet, if a sibling lives close to you can maybe they can be involved in cooking a meal once a week to bring over for your family, or come help you prepare meals to put in the freezer, or run an errand for you like pick things up at the grocery or go pay a bill for you. Just get together and have a real, frank talk with siblings to see what they can do, maybe they don’t provide any help because they are never asked!

My brother said, sure you should get paid but after room and board are deducted.. Does this make sense?

Yes I am sooo sorry for all of you that gave been just decent caring children and took on this job bc no one else woukd you are all truly angels and uf your parents can psy you take it.. god kniws the other siblings that did nothing would!!@@ and shame on you the other person who said we shouldn't be compenstated. It is very different decision to have a child as opposed to having. Your life uprooted and taken away bc "we" cared and our siblings didn't

I care for my mother now 84 years old and since her stroke 23 years ago, I have been sole caregiver. Who would have known when I moved her in with me 13 years ago that it would be for such a long duration! But other than paralyzed on one side, Mom is healthier than me and I just turned 60--the same age as Mom when she had the stroke! It has been a long and strange, dark road, really. Sibs have not helped in any constructive way, but occasional visit or on holiday will make their appearance and get bows from Mom, who treats me like her slave any more, especially since I insisted that she start paying me something for caregiving. Now she wants to make sure I earn my keep and is quickly going downhill due to lack of trying--she expects me to do it all while she will not even try when I arrange physical therapy, etc. Sad state of affairs since I have quit my job to care for her 10 years ago, gone thru my savings, retirement, gold jewelry, you name it. Also Mom decided to have me quitclaim my half of the home for her a reverse mortgage was the answer and now I will be homeless if she goes first. I have been a homeowner since age 24 until her decision to do this and now my father has died and she gets half of his SS, and was keeping it to herself and buying whatever, whenever, before I insisted she share so I could keep pay my car license, get dentures, take my dogs to the vet, etc., without begging money from her. She agreed, finally, to pay me $1,000/mo and still I have to request it every month because she somehow forgets about it. This is so demeaning, to say the least, after spending all of my money on taking care of her before she had my father's income. My brother, who pops in between cruises and vacations, tells her she should not have to pay me so gets her against me. She doesn't mind giving her money to my sister who has always contended she would put mom in a nursing home if it was up to her, or give money to scam artists, but says that I don't do anything for free! Go figure, I just try to keep some self-esteem and not pay attention to what the others want to criticize me for. I am happy for these folks who don't need the money, which I didn't for nearly 20 years either, but they need to get off of their high horses and pull their heads out of )^_(& (the sand). I have given up my life, my friends, my security and everything else in the trust that she would do the same for me if the tables were turned. HA! Don't bet on it. Now I am broke, so have nothing to give my siblings and now lost any respect. I cry and hope, in that order, but pray #1.

I taken care of my elderly mom she is 84yrs, I do everything for her make the appointments taking her to dr. appt's the stores etc.
I also work 30hrs a week, my husband works nights.
My sister and Brother live out of state, my sister pushed this on me because she has a life to live!! So I make sure she is taken care of.
I really didn't think this take so much time on my part, was just nice having her here with my family. But a lot things I didn't know she does as with her heygen don't want to mention this. It takes a toll and at times very stressful on my part.
I don't have time to do things I like to because I think of mom has she is doing.
Out of the blue she yells so this make's this hard to deal with.
Someone said our parents paided for us when we where young, but it's different when paernt's get older as there needs change with health etc.
My mom has to go to the kidney dr, every 3 months and her throids due to her kidney;s. And a few other Dr appt that she needed.
So when you're young this is different as we grow up and go our own way.
But our parents get older and need care, so you really need to know what's ahead. Mom was crying to move in with me she called almost every day.
She lived 1600 miles away, and now lives in with my family.
Had no idea of getting paided to care of a elderly parent, someone at work brought this to my attention.
Be nice to be with her more, I know she complains and wants me to spend more time with her.
Thanks for listening. I wish everyone good luck it isn't easy at all.

I totally understand because I also am in the same situation with my parents.
Seems like I am saving medicare and state alot of money taking care of
my parents. Help me take care of them! My health and health issues are unattended due to the fact I can't find time for me. Nor can I work and take good care of my 83 and 84 yr. old parents with different needs. They worked all there lives to be able to stay in their own home. They help me when they can but it is not enough for me to maintain. I have know Idea what to do!

to agecare222 That's a really nice sentiment since it is clear you have plenty of financial resources, help of 2 others and obviously no need to earn money for your own survival. If you don't like being judged, do not make judgements on others. Most often siblings want Mom's $$$ do not help and are happily working full time and investing for their own benefit with an occasional jolly visit. What about Mom not parting with a dime of her $$$ and the poor good hearted slob who does it all without help and no appreciation nor compensation for survival ? Think about it happypants.

tired boomer....you need to start thinking about what you need...and do that. if you run yourself into the ground, who is going to take care of you? if your siblings are so thoughtless of your situation, contact the local county elder care. there are resources available, but you have to be willing to accept what is offered, which may be lowering your standards of living, or doing life different. I've also had to learn I am NOT the only one on the planet who can care for my elder! I have to ask (takes more time to coordinate), take time for me (listen to their whining about ignoring them), and schedule them away from the house (more time to coordinate). But after 4 months, I'm starting to see the difference, and the arguments I used to get related to leaving the house or having others help me at home are now non-existant. The elders generally can figure it out when you're zapped...they did that too at some point. You simply have to take care of yourself so you can care for others!

Have you paid your mom for her caregiving of you from birth until you grew up yet? If not, seems to me you owe your mother first. THEN only if you cannot afford at all to care for her and have no other help from family you might ask for help from her.
If you cannot pay for something she needs (such as medicines) then let her know you will have to receive the money from her to pay for her medicine or whatever. Give her the opportunity to know you need help from her.
I was a caregiver for my mom for her last 3 years at her home with the help of 2 other sisters, then we could not care for her physically and had to admit her to a Nursing Home. It was really rough but we managed to do it. I stayed with her 3 days and nights a week, one other sister stayed one night a week, and a lady we hired stayed with her 3 days and nights a week. Between me and my two other sisters we paid for her care. But it was worth it in the end. I am not sorry for it. good luck

I also am a caregiver for my Mom, I have a sister and a brother that refuse to help. I am not compensated and have been caring for my Mom for 3 yrs, 24 hrs/day. My health is going because its so much work. There seems to be nothing available for caregivers when family members are selfish or greedy and the senior can't afford any other option.
Tired and overworked/Ca

I live next door to my 93 yr. old Mom, and she is totoly deaf, I cook and take care of her. I am moving, she says she is not going. I need to purchase her a small mobil home so I will have help with her care. Sons and daughterinlaw. I am 72 but I don't have any access to her money. what can I do, I am also a widow.

I checked into the paid part- Moms request. It is for people that do not have assets and have a real need- you can get compensation - meals on wheels - a life alert and someone a few times for respite care.

But it IS for the truly needy -not for someone like my mom who doesn't care if I have no income because I am caring for her and she doesn't want to help me- it is for the lower income and if you have any assets to speak of there wasn't any help.