This is a great list as it will help the elderly chose the best way instead of just showing it to them, allowing them to lead a happy dignified life and making these the golden years of their life.
The Golden Estate Privileged Living for Senior Citizens
NAUSEATED, I'm sorry but, I think I would had to gave him a piece of my mind if he yelled at my daughter, that is just disrespectful. Don't they say that when AZ kicks in they seem to be like a child and at least a child knows it not polite to yell at each other. I hope your daughter heart was not too hurt. Anne, can your dad color or will he at least try with different colors of crayons on a plain sheet of paper? I know its very hard to get my mnl to do anything and forget about being socialize to anyone else. I have gotten her sometimes to put puzzles together with no more than 24 puzzle pieaces and they were disney puzzels from the Dollar store. Just gotta love that store. As for the Netflix that they mention, I found out my mnl will watch The Andy Grifthen show, probable spelt that wrong and she has her own tv in her room to watch her news and etc. I hope some of these ideas can help y'all out.
At what age is it perfectly acceptable behavior for people with the ability to do things, to do nothing for oneself or for anybody else and to have all bad behavior excused because of age? I'm 65, almost 66, which is legally elderly (old). Would it be acceptable behavior for me if I sent my mother to a nursing home and then just sat here with my hands in my lap, doing nothing, even though I'm able to do other things? If not, what age would I have to be before that's ok?
Actually, I recently read a report on the BBC news site that found doing things for the brain may impede the start of dementia, but one it does begin the deterioration is faster. So, longer time with a healthier brain but shorter time suffering deterioration.
Great ideas in this article. But, as already sited, not always practical. My mom is 87, has COPD and dementia. She still knows who I am and who she is, thank God, but can't remember what she had for breakfast. Also her long term memory is fading. I have made a memory board with the day, date and year, like the one in the bank, how old she is and her birthday and what meals she has eaten. Also post if she has appointments that day. I care for her twice a day, morning and evening. She has needy days, mostly and days when she fires me the house keeper and even her dog. I have brought in puzzles, coloring books and papers. If I am there she might do some other wise...nothing. She has always been untidy, messy, everything everywhere. When she went into the hospital for 3 weeks I cleaned everything up and threw out 20 contractor bags of trash. Saving news papers, chocolate boxes you name it. There was a garage full of furniture and junk. All gone now. When she came home never missed a thing. Her only comment is what a lovely home she lives in.
I think, hell, she is 87 if all she wants to do is sit in front of the television then let her.
And another thing that bothers me...my mom also has Parkinson's now. She's bedridden and has been for months. Her hands are so weak and useless, she can't even feed herself or pull up her covers or use a TV remote. She certainly can't sew any and she can't hold a book to read. She's very unhappy. And she wonders why God is keeping her here on this earth while she's so miserable. It's heart-breaking. My dad is 86 and suffers from congestive heart failure, depression and anxiety. He's worried sick about Mama. They live in their own house and say they'll stay there until carried out on that last stretcher. They're on home hospice and Daddy pays for home health care workers to come in a few hours a day. My sisters and brothers and I try to do what we can to help. But, everyone is getting overwhelmed emotionally.
I get frustrated reading so many articles about how the brain is kept "healthy" by reading, doing puzzles, etc. My mother, now 86 has suffered from Alzheimer's for the last few years. I'm 52, and for all my life I can remember how much my mother read books. She read so many each week and so fast it was amazing. She passed that desire and habit on to her 5 children, which I'm grateful for. But, she also did thousands of crossword puzzles and jigsaw puzzles. She was an amazing seamstress, staying up late nights to finish dresses and outfits for her children and grandchildren. She cooked, cleaned, took care of kids and grandchildren, and she traveled with my father around the country camping in their trailer. She was always active and mentally alert and she loved learning new things. Why did Alzheimer's have to attack and ruin all that?
Hi NAUSEATED, I know exactly how you feel and what you are talking about, except for the mean part. My mother, who just turned 94 and has been diagnosed as having alzheirmers, isn't mean but she can be nasty at times, especially when something doesn't suit her. She was like that before she got dememtia so that can’t be used as an excuse. All she wants to do is sit in front of the TV with her hands in her lap. The only time she gets up is to go to the toilet, the table, the bed, to bathe and dress, or to a medical appointment. She has even had "accidents" because she put off going to the toilet as long as she could because she didn't want to get up. She is making herself an invalid, both physically and mentally. She used to like to read the newspaper, Upper Room, and other things occasionally but stopped that when it got to be too hard to see. She’s the first person I’ve ever heard of that said they can’t use a magnifying glass (???). She has never liked to work puzzles or write letters so she didn't. She has never been a sociable person and never wanted friends. She isn’t the least bit interested in having any company, including mine. Mine doesn't mean anything either. I'm just the servant. The only interests she ever had, other than going to church on Sundays, was working outside in the flowers, bushes, etc., working on her scrapbooks, and watching TV. She can't see good enough now to do any puzzles but a couple of years ago when she still could, I tried to talk her into doing word find puzzles. My blood relative (a biological sister) gave her a word find book. She looked at it for maybe five minutes then said what she always says about anything she doesn't want to do, "I can't". Unlike some people, she has been blessed all of her life with excellent physical health. When she fell and broke her femur/hip two years ago while working outside, she came through that "with flying colors" because of her good health. That was the last time she went outside to do any yard work and she hasn’t been back to church since then either. ANYTHING that would require thinking, figuring out, she has avoided like the plague. Her mind has gotten to the point that she doesn’t half know what’s happening on what she’s watching on TV and sometimes doesn’t even know when what she’s watching has ended and another show has started. I realize that alzheimer’s will eventually do that to a person but, going by the things I’ve read, such as the articles on here, I am firmly convinced that a lot of her mental deterioration is due to her refusal to do anything that would exercise her brain. Even after I told her over and over that the brain needs exercise, she still wouldn't do anything. I just don't understand why, especially since I've heard her say more than once during my lifetime that there's nothing worse than somebody's mind going bad. She evidently doesn't care about her own. She went so long without using it that she lost it. She wouldn’t learn anything new or different. She avoided learning like the plague too. She only wanted to do what she’d always been used to as if she’d been programmed to only do things a certain way. She'd always say, "I can't", without bothering to try. She won ‘t even think of something to watch out of our video collection if there’s nothing on the satellite that she wants to see. I have to do that for her too. The only thing she’ll do is turn the volume up or down, and sometimes I have to do that. Several years ago while she could still see and could think better than she can now, I tried to get her to go through the on-screen guide to look for something when her regular shows weren’t on but she refused to do it. She just fussed about her regular shows not being on and said she couldn’t stand to go through all those channels and then not find anything she wanted to watch. (???) She should have done it for the brain exercise if for no other reason but not her. I could go on and on but I’m sure you get the picture. She could be a “poster child” for what not to do for both physical and mental well-being. Thanks for letting me vent too. My blood relative and others who are only around her once in a while and don’t help with anything, want to make excuses for her because she’s “old” (so am I) and make me, the one that's trying to help her, out to be the bad guy. Sometimes it’s almost more than I can bear.
Aside from the very real changes that come with dementia and Alzheimer's and other brain disorders, injuries and decline, also know that age, like fame and sudden wealth doesn't change people it unmasks them. If your elder was some one slow, negative in personality a social or anti social who didn't like anything new or getting out and just wanted to be left alone, that is to be expected if not enhanced in the closing off of old age, whether from society shut them out or the self isolation of embarrassment due to loss of both physical and mental capabilities.
My Grandfather went to The Adult Day Health program here for the first time...He came back weaker, and angrier than when he left and pissed at me for needing the time off, after three solid years of his ever increasing care....
This gets to be very old very fast. But of course this site is meant not only for those of us with parents with declining mental and physical abilities but also for people who are not so much caregivers as sharing their homes with more or less healthy parents. (Comparatively speaking)
I went to a caregivers support group meeting at a local VNA on Monday. Some of the caregivers were spouses and one was a sibling of the ill person. I am hopeful that I will get something useful from this once a month encounter. I just wish agingcare.com paid more attention to us in their articles. But then, it's the more or less healthy elders who have a better chance at, if not recovery, then at least keeping the decline at bay.
Article after article on keeping seniors busy. It's a nice thought, but still, none of these apply. Want to know how my father kept busy? He would drive to the local staples to buy stamps EVERYDAY. Why you ask? Because he was so busy filling out these sweepstakes that promised he was going to be a millionaire, and mailing them everyday, along with checks, and purchasing their cheap merchandise. He spent hundreds each month doing this, and sending checks to charities, and sending coupons for charities with his credit card number, and signature. He got on the major mailing list, and had piles of this crap, which I had the joy of sorting through and shredding. He was addicted to it. He would get 20 phone calls a day from various places, even foreign countries, telling him he had won $30,000, but first he would have to send them a $200.00 money gram. This he did, much to my horror later on. This is how he kept active, and his mind busy. Now he is having withdrawals from it. You think I'm joking? He got hold of a mail order catalog yesterday and filled out a coupon with a $200.00 check enclosed for the miracle pill that promises to add 20+ years to your life, money back guarantee? How do you get your money back if you die ten years from now? OOOOOPS!!!! They forgot to mention that one.
I like the sentiments, but it certainly doesn't apply to everyone. So many people on this site struggle with parents who cannot do most of the things suggested. It is understandable why they are angry, depressed and difficult to care for. Many things they used to accomplish and enjoy are impossible now. My once active, intelligent Dad now lays in bed with Advanced Stage Alzheimer's Disease, and can't even dress or feed himself. I tried to take him for walks, but the stimulation was too much for him, and only confused and disoriented him. He refuses to get up and do anything with us most days, though he can still walk. He used to love to play games, but can't remember how any more.
If our parents could do these things, they would, and we wouldn't even be having this discussion. For those of you who have parents who still can enjoy them, thank God. But for many of us here at this site, it's just rhetoric, and the Care Givers are grieving! God bless all of you. You're angels!
Check out this article from our community moderator Carol Bradley Bursack on "Keeping your Aging Parents Busy." It might have some information and advice you can use:
Hi dolphin, I too am at a loss. I love the article above, but it just does not apply at all to my father with dementia, age 74, who would rather plant his but on my couch, and not associate with anyone half the time. He's always mad at me for his own guilty feelings. Try to get him involved in jig saw puzzles, crossword puzzles, too complicated for him anymore, and he gets frustrated. The only thing he seem able to do to occupy his mind is read magazines. We do take him out shopping, or wherever we go, but it takes forever to walk through the store, because he shuffles. His grandkids also don't want much to do with him, because they never know how he is going to react to them. This morning my 12 year old daughter made him a pancake breakfast, and he says "I don't want any!" Mean crotchety old man, just because he's mad at me. Sorry, this is a letter for venting. Anyway, my point is that this does not work for some who fight EVERY issue, and don't even know why.
My father in law had a stroke a year ago and has dementia as well. I am home with him during the day and he stays in his room and gets up to use the bathroom, take a shower or come to the table for a meal. We go out every day to pick up the kids from school and sometimes on the weekends we go out. He doesn't talk much at all even if we try starting a conversation. He talks to his other son on Saturdays by phone but rarely leaves his bedroom. He is mobile but unsteady most of the time in walking. We use a wheelchair when we go shopping. His grandkids don't really want anything to do with him most of the time. I'm just at a loss with what to do.
You forget to mention that loving, tender, and thoughtful care for one's parents remain the bedrock of stimulating their minds towards a more healthy ageing. If added with remembrance of family traditions and frequent family reunions with relatives, then they will be happy and mentally active.
Everything in the article is so true. My mother will be ninety, is still independent and keeps active. We do something together at least once a week but see each other every day since she lives in a apt. across the street. She comes over to my house and loves to make beds and clean out the dishwasher. It makes her feel needed.
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Anne, can your dad color or will he at least try with different colors of crayons on a plain sheet of paper? I know its very hard to get my mnl to do anything and forget about being socialize to anyone else. I have gotten her sometimes to put puzzles together with no more than 24 puzzle pieaces and they were disney puzzels from the Dollar store. Just gotta love that store. As for the Netflix that they mention, I found out my mnl will watch The Andy Grifthen show, probable spelt that wrong and she has her own tv in her room to watch her news and etc. I hope some of these ideas can help y'all out.
what age would I have to be before that's ok?
I think, hell, she is 87 if all she wants to do is sit in front of the television then let her.
I know exactly how you feel and what you are talking about, except for the mean part. My mother, who just turned 94 and has been diagnosed as having alzheirmers, isn't mean but she can be nasty at times, especially when something doesn't suit her. She was like that before she got dememtia so that can’t be used as an excuse.
All she wants to do is sit in front of the TV with her hands in her lap. The only time she gets up is to go to the toilet, the table, the bed, to bathe and dress, or to a medical appointment. She has even had "accidents" because she put off going to the toilet as long as she could because she didn't want to get up. She is making herself an invalid, both physically and mentally. She used to like to read the newspaper, Upper Room, and other things occasionally but stopped that when it got to be too hard to see. She’s the first person I’ve ever heard of that said they can’t use a magnifying glass (???). She has never liked to work puzzles or write letters so she didn't. She has never been a sociable person and never wanted friends. She isn’t the least bit interested in having any company, including mine. Mine doesn't mean anything either. I'm just the servant.
The only interests she ever had, other than going to church on Sundays, was working outside in the flowers, bushes, etc., working on her scrapbooks, and watching TV. She can't see good enough now to do any puzzles but a couple of years ago when she still could, I tried to talk her into doing word find puzzles. My blood relative (a biological sister) gave her a word find book. She looked at it for maybe five minutes then said what she always says about anything she doesn't want to do, "I can't".
Unlike some people, she has been blessed all of her life with excellent physical health. When she fell and broke her femur/hip two years ago while working outside, she came through that "with flying colors" because of her good health. That was the last time she went outside to do any yard work and she hasn’t been back to church since then either.
ANYTHING that would require thinking, figuring out, she has avoided like the plague. Her mind has gotten to the point that she doesn’t half know what’s happening on what she’s watching on TV and sometimes doesn’t even know when what she’s watching has ended and another show has started.
I realize that alzheimer’s will eventually do that to a person but, going by the things I’ve read, such as the articles on here, I am firmly convinced that a lot of her mental deterioration is due to her refusal to do anything that would exercise her brain. Even after I told her over and over that the brain needs exercise, she still wouldn't do anything. I just don't understand why, especially since I've heard her say more than once during my lifetime that there's nothing worse than somebody's mind going bad. She evidently doesn't care about her own.
She went so long without using it that she lost it. She wouldn’t learn anything new or different. She avoided learning like the plague too. She only wanted to do what she’d always been used to as if she’d been programmed to only do things a certain way. She'd always say, "I can't", without bothering to try. She won ‘t even think of something to watch out of our video collection if there’s nothing on the satellite that she wants to see. I have to do that for her too. The only thing she’ll do is turn the volume up or down, and sometimes I have to do that. Several years ago while she could still see and could think better than she can now, I tried to get her to go through the on-screen guide to look for something when her regular shows weren’t on but she refused to do it. She just fussed about her regular shows not being on and said she couldn’t stand to go through all those channels and then not find anything she wanted to watch. (???) She should have done it for the brain exercise if for no other reason but not her.
I could go on and on but I’m sure you get the picture. She could be a “poster child” for what not to do for both physical and mental well-being.
Thanks for letting me vent too. My blood relative and others who are only around her once in a while and don’t help with anything, want to make excuses for her because she’s “old” (so am I) and make me, the one that's trying to help her, out to be the bad guy. Sometimes it’s almost more than I can bear.
My Grandfather went to The Adult Day Health program here for the first time...He came back weaker, and angrier than when he left and pissed at me for needing the time off, after three solid years of his ever increasing care....
I went to a caregivers support group meeting at a local VNA on Monday. Some of the caregivers were spouses and one was a sibling of the ill person. I am hopeful that I will get something useful from this once a month encounter. I just wish agingcare.com paid more attention to us in their articles. But then, it's the more or less healthy elders who have a better chance at, if not recovery, then at least keeping the decline at bay.
Increase our parent's mental agility and memory? Tell that to Mr. Alzheimer's. Never mind, he died, too.
Sorry to be so harsh about this topic. If it is a blessing to some, great! But the rest of us need triage!!!
If our parents could do these things, they would, and we wouldn't even be having this discussion. For those of you who have parents who still can enjoy them, thank God. But for many of us here at this site, it's just rhetoric, and the Care Givers are grieving! God bless all of you. You're angels!
https://www.agingcare.com/Featured-Stories/133184/Keeping-Seniors-Busy.htm