womenofGod,

Your mother has Alzheimer's and probably lacks good judgement due to that. It might be wise to have her doctor evaluate her for being competent. You may well need to pursue her being declared incompetent for her own financial safety if the doctors say that is her condition because otherwise it does not sound like she can be reasoned with.

Thank you for this article. My mom was married for 21 years and her husband was managing the finances. He passed away 2 months ago and I came to live with my mom. I have POA over her finances but I have enlisted some else to help give me advice. She doesn't even want to deal with anything especially finances, but always refers to it as her money. I am having trouble with the budget because she has 1,000 a month less now, but wants to spend the same.

Thank you for this site and everyones experiences. My mother continues to buy from QVC home shopping network. I have had many conversations regarding her spending and that I will not be able to bail her out anymore.

My siblings say just let her spend the money and let her fall. My mother will not allow me to take over her finanaces. I am the co trustee.

How can I get QVC to stop allowing her to make puchases. Im so frustrated .

I am so glad I found this site. this is helpful to know I am not the only one dealing with finacial issues with their parent.

My mother buys from QVC network How do I prevent them from allowing her to purchase any more mechandise, Is there a law that protoects companies

We've tried to help my in-laws, Thelma and Luis, create a budget but it turned out they hid expenses so that was a worthless effort. They come to us every few months asking that we pay their property taxes or insurance. Thelma spends $1300/month in vitamins! Luis insists on staying employed in his highly un-profitable business, at which he's thrown over $100,000 to keep afloat these last 5 or 6 years. They have a reverse mortgage on their house, their utility bills are very low and their car is paid for. They have an adequate SS income plus a pension but won't live within their means. We are afraid that if we 'force' Luis to fold his business, he will lose his vitality. Their doctors have told them to stop with the over-abundance of vitamins, but they refuse. We are at a loss for how to deal with this. We say over and over that this 'loan' of money is the last one but can't figure out how to get off the merry-go-round. Your comments would be appreciated. I

I started preparing my mother's taxes for her CPA in about 2004. I started noticing an increase in her charity donations. Most of which I had no knowledge. Then I discovered she was putting all this money out and dipping into her annuities to pay her bills. She was gettng about a foot of mail every day, mostly from obscure charities and fortune tellers. In 2005 she had paid out over $7000.00 for both. Even her advisor, where her accounts were, was becoming concerned. My parants had set it up to where my brother and I had POA, when and if they ever unable to handle their finances, in their trust. My brother lives 2000 miles away, so it was up to me. That is when, I took over her finances. I contacted the local Post Office to have most bulk mail eliminated. For those that had address return requested, I drafted a letter informing them that the cow was dry, do not contact her again. A month later her mail was only 6". After being diagnosed with Alzheimers, we moved her in with us. We only gave the important contacts a change of address. The fortune tellers and foreign charities were the worst about hanging on. Eventually, even they gave up.
If there is a problem, take charge. I saved most of the investments, mom and dad had saved, for when she needs them. Maintain a periodical interest and don't find out too late, after their retirement money is gone. Beware of nursing home insurance scams. Mother paid out several thousand a year and got nothing back when the payments discontinued.

My parent's financial situation is fortunately two years ago I stepped in to help them with their taxes and they have a wonderful lady from their church who does income taxes for them every year. However, they are facing a legal situation. The Adult protective services is seeking to have a guardian ad litem assigned to my father and the lawyer wants to charge them five thousand dollars to have them keep the guardian ship in the family. !2 years ago they paid their lawyer few thousand dollars to draw on legal documents to keep guardianship in the family. Now APS wants to change that because they think my mother is abusive towards my father which this is not the case at all. How do you protect your parents from something like this that could end up costing them thousands of dollars to protect their marriage rights?

Does the elder brother know what the middle brother is doing? Even the elder brother with the POA cannot legally do what the middle brother is doing. I guess that you are the younger brother?

No, that is not legal.

My eldest brother has POA over my father and step mother's finances. My middle brother felt it was vital to take as much money out of my father's accounts to "protect him" in case he caused an accident and someone sued him, so he took the money and put it in several accounts in the names of nieces and nephews. Is this legal?

My mother had most of her senses, but she and my step-dad stopped paying their taxes in 2004 which no one found out about until 2009 when I found out what was going on and had to step in as her durable POA. In May of 2009, she was determined to not be competent to handle her finances in a businesslike manner which was not like her earlier in her life. I hope you have medical POA for your dad. Otherwise, he will be willing to listen to your concerns, but because of the new privacy laws will be limited in what he can tell you and or talk with you about your dad's health. Evidently he does not or cannot or does not want to understand that a durable POA is not something you get when you need it, but in preparation for when it is needed. Is their a trusted friend or could his doctor possibly win his trust and help him to understand this? He sounds afraid and in great denial of how much he needs help. Beyond this, I don't know what to say.

he says all is fine, but my mom always took care of the books, and he doesnt budget well at all. the only time he will talk finaces with me is to yell that im making him broke on an amex card that i do pay every month.(i pay amex directly with money orders since he wasnt paying on my account) hes still got most of his senses, hes just not good with money. he wants to keep up with his buddys that have lots of money and hes on limited income. but 'all is fine' though its not. im just kind of waiting to step in when he needs me to, im not sure if this is the right time or not. i have tried to talk to him about durable POA as a 'plan B' and he says im fine!! im not old dont need help! but who doesnt say that? ive never been the type to snoop, but lately i have been looking at the records he keeps, and thats not much..
i havent talked to his doctor, i guess thats my next move?

The first question that comes to my mind is has your dad given you durable POA? The second question is has a doctor evaluated him for his competence to handle his finances in a business like manner? If neither of the above are true, then do you think he will openly discuss your concern with you?

ive noticed that my dad seem to be paying several healthcare places, im going to have somebody look into this, it doesnt seem right to me, but im not a book keeper or lawyer, so im not sure if all that is needed. im hearing that, especially a ww2 vet , has benifits already, so to pay several companys for health benifits isnt necisary, but since im not sure, ill have someone else check it out for me.
does anybody know, do i need to see a book keeper or an elder care lawyer? im broke, so free would be great.

I am just finding out that my Mom has charges on an account that shouldn't be there. I don't know if she originated the charges or if someone is doing something underhanded. I don't know how to confront her but I might try asking her to show me her documents. I snooped while she is out and I find a big charge that should not be there. I don't have any explanation for it and I want to know what happened. It might be fraudulent or she might be giving money to my brother that shouldn't be tapping her at this time in her life. I don't even get paid to take care of her and I have been here 3 years. I just have a roof over my head and food to eat. This makes me very suspicious.

If managing daily finanical chores is becoming a problem, and for whatever reason other family can't help, consider hiring a Daily Money Manager. These are folks who specifically work on tackling issues like paying bills, balancing checkbooks, tracking medical claims, and keeping tax records organized.

I have similar issues with my dad, the bank, scammers, rip-offs, etc., etc.

A couple of tips:.

Don't put yourself on your parent's account. If you do you expose your parent's money to YOUR creditors. Instead get a Power of Attorney from the bank for authority on your parent's account. Also have your parent designate the bank account as a POD/TOD/ITF (Pay On Death/Transfer On Death/In Trust For). That way, when your parent passes, the funds in the bank will go directly to the beneficiary your parent names, and nobody has to go to court.

Social Security Benefits are NOT subject to legal process. That means SS Benefits cannot be garnished by a creditor IF the only money in the bank can be traced to SS. IF there is any other money in the bank account, then ALL them money in the bank account can be garnished. Make sure you keep all your parent's SS Benefits in a bank account where NO other money gets deposited.

One last pointer. If you take over paying your parent's bills, make sure the company(s) you deal with know that YOU are not personally liable for the bill. That you are only helping your parent. BE VERY CAREFUL WITH THE PHONE COMPANY whose name rhymes with swell. If you call them and have them mail your parent's phone bill to you there is a chance that you are in their computer is the person who is liable on the bill. Here's what happened to me. I was paying my dad's phone bill for a year and one month his bill exceeded $1,200.00. He fell victim to a long-distance scam. I wasn't too worried because I wasn't liable for the bill and my dad's only money was SS. Then when spoke with the phone company I realized that they had ME in their computer as personally liable for my dad's phone bill. That took quite a while to straighten out. Snopes' website says this scam is "overblown" but I can tell you it happened to my dad and me. I got the phone company to block outgoing phone call from my dad's phone to the offending area code. I can tell you the phone company was well aware of the scam.

this is how my father in law is I am trying to get his bills on track now

Similar story here. Dad would say about the late bills "I am sure they will give an old guy a break." It took 2 years to get him to let me help them with their bills and taxes. I had to bring up the subject with his doctor so someone else could tell him that he needed help.

It is criminal the people who take advantage of the vulnerable.

I'm still mad at my aunt who did not tell me years ago that my mother and step-dad had failed to pay their 2004 taxes because my aunt did not 'consider it her place to tattle on her older sister." My mother gave me durable POA in 2002, but hid many things from me until 2009. It's taken two years and cost much in penalties, plus required getting a CPA who actually works instead of the so called friend of the family who was semi retired.

good advice..my dads getting bad with buying stuff he doesnt need. luckly for me, he hates those places asking for handouts since my mom used to spend so much on them, he wont give them a dime!!

If not for me, my Dad wouldn't have paid taxes for the last 4 years! At this point, I've taken over his finances, but when I first found out that he was letting his taxes slide, I couldn't get him to take the situation seriously, at all. He would laugh, and say,"Yes, they'll probably be coming to measure me for a stripey suit any day now!" I found it ironic that he insisted that he was perfectly capable of managing all his affairs, and living alone, yet he was putting himself in a position where the only defense he would have against charges of tax evasion was incompetence! And the whole situation was so unnecessary, because he has a wonderful accountant who takes care of everything, and all Dad needed to do was take him the papers related to taxes that came in the mail, and the accountant would take care of it! After 2 or 3 years of untangling him from the mess he got himself in, calling everyone to get replacement copies of all the necessary papers that he had misplaced, I asked him why he let himself get in such a fix, and he said that taking care of such things "wasn't very much fun". I must add, my Dad had always been the most organized and responsible person I ever knew. Beware of such changes in your loved one! Do something right away, because it quickly can become a real mess!

My mom had all these signs and I was not aware these were all indications there were bigger problems than i could see on the surface. My mom is now in a ALF and I manage all her finances...but it was a ugly mess to weed through as well as I feel as I came in too late and she has very little money left due to all the above issues she fell prey to. I hope more people read this and are better prepared and know the signs than I was.

It is a nightmare. And we wonder, when will it ever end. They do train bank personnel to recognize signs of abuse, neglect, fraud, etc. But I guess they figure, it's none of their business. I'm still mad at my Dad's bank, because he banked there for years, and knew him and saw him constantly. Especially when he was going to the bank several times a month to wire transfer this person several thousand dollars at a time. My name was also on the account, and no one bothered to notify of any suspicious activity. The bank admitted to me that when they questioned him, he would get very irrate. Red Flag! Hopefully when others read our stories, they can learn by them and gain some insight. Take Care Anne, keep us posted.

Thanks for posting. The whole thing is sad. The bank involved in our case said they "couldn't find" the records, even for a search warrant.

I told Mom she has to move. She doesn't want to. I don't want to do all the work, clean and sell her house, disperse her belongings. All that's involved... I never had to do any of this before. Petitions to Probate, etc. Nightmare time.

Does it make you think what could be done with $16,000.00? Instead of taking care of my Mom, paying her debts off, now the powers that be will have it to piddle away like my parents did. Glad it wasn't mine.

Anne, I am so so sorry! That is so sad to hear. Everyone's stories are a lot alike, but yet so different too. In my dad's case, since this so called friend was at the time employed by a few insurance companies, I was able to file a complaint with the Department of Insurance, Insurance Investigations Division, within his state. Since they, along with Adult Protective Services, were involved too, we have been able to file charges through the insurance industry. This person was selling annuities, life insurance, and had a real estate license. It keeps getting more and more detailed. But I'm sure that the bank had a petition served to them to produce all banking records by the Insurance Investigator along with the District Attorney. There is always a paper trail somewhere. I hope things go better for you and yours. Take Care

We share similar woes.

However, we couldn't prosecute, because my hubby's Dad forgot the perpetrator's name and incident due to strokes and dementia. The bank won't produce the evidence. A shame. Dad was left penniless, except for a van, which was sold to put him in assisted living.

Then I found out today my folks owe $16,000.00 in income taxes to the IRS, which will wipe out their IRAs I was going to apply to a portion of their home equity loan. On top of this, Mom has $650.00 monthly utility bills, etc., etc., etc. Can you say crisis?

I just found this site a few days ago. I found it by accident, and so glad I did.
These stories are a lot like mine. I've been dealing with my father's financial mess, which has become my problem and nightmare. Thank God, I found this out before he completely lost everything he has worked his whole life for. There are many predators out there preying on old, lonely, retired, mentally incapacitated people. It can go on for years before people find out about their loved one's financial mess. I have been working on his problems for eight months now. He fell victim to financial abuse from an Insurance Agent/Realtor/Estate Planner. The person found out how much he was worth, where he had it, his personal life, etc. This person then befriended him, and pretended to care about him. They had him moving his money around so much, he couldn't keep track of how much he had and where. This person had him take out a loan on his house that had been paid for many years before. Now he has an ARM mortgage. He is 74 years old. I have filed an Elder Financial Abuse Case. This person was employed by a few Insurance companies that must now answer for that person's actions. This person also had him drain 98% of his life's savings, annuities, etc. This was not an overnight process mind you. This person worked on him for a number of years. I had no idea of the extent of damage, until I went to visit him from out of state. After having to operate mine and my husband's own business for a couple of years, helping to take care of my grandaughter for over three years, so my daughter could finish college with a four year degree. You all know the drill! I hadn't seen my father for five years. We have always been close, and wrote and spoke on the phone frequently, until the personality changes, when he would get mad for no reason and hang up on me. I was constantly in tears, not understanding what was going on. Eight months ago when we finally were able to see him, I walked into the house I had grown up in, in complete and horriffic shock. He was living in squallor. That's when I found out the whole story. I came across thousands of thousands of dollars in wire transfers that were sent to this supposed friend. Needless to say, this person is going to face justice now, in the criminal justice system. It has become my life's mission. Hoping I can regain some of the money he has lost to help cover the cost of his medical care and housing. Right now he is living with me and my family. He has dementia, and has always been very stubborn. He thinks he can go home, but he might lose it, since he is upside down on it and owes more than he can get for it. I'm trying to keep him from that, as best I can. I'm hoping that this person is put away for a long time, and cannot harm another incapacitated person as long as they live. Sorry this is so long, the whole story would take another 20 pages. Someone can have dementia for years before long distance family members realize what's happening, especially if they are not educated about alzheimer's dementia. Thanks for reading.

Thank you for this excellent article. My parent's finances were beyond warning, and their bank officer pulled me aside, and asked me to start coming along with them for appointments. How alarming! We previously had suspicions, but began to investigate. Piles of papers, Shut-off notices, Solicitor and Collection agency calls, credit card balances that would make a rich person quake, and a stockpiling of goods streaming in weekly from mail order.

Beforehand, I figured it was "none of my business." A diagnosis of Alzheimer's for Dad, and abuse and neglect suddenly made it my business. Neither had ever been good money managers, but their problems became critical. Even though it's their money, the court declared them incapacitated. Now I get to clean up the mess. What a nightmare! One year and a couple months later, things are more manageable, but the learning curve has been great, as well as the stress. Thank God for the help of professionals, the legal system, and caring individuals, who provide advice, support, compassion and love. I'm indebted to many, including this very helpful site.