I'm with you decor 429. My parents have always had a sense of entitlement therefore never talked about anything because they just e left. Even at 95 they think the care from the surgery is forever. For free.
They have spent all their money on ending up in a rented beautiful property and the money has disappeared. They cannot imagine they may need social services. You can tell then how difficult it is and the dysfunction in the family with siblings from parents like mine.

Ha! I had the talk with my Mom when she was 80, BUT dementia has "blown that out the window".. Maybe I should have recorded it, including the appointments with her Elder Care Atty! Lol

The biggest difference I see is that taking care of children is rewarding, while it is not rewarding to take care of the elderly. The first job is building, the other is maintenance and decline. There is really no comparison beyond both taking a lot of time.

This is a good overview. While much of the information is useful at any age, there are some thresholds that come and go and there's no way to backtrack to a time when the older person was, perhaps, more rational.

A topic in particular that I'd like to see explored is when, as a caregiver, your parents become your legal dependents. I believe many people think that they have to shoulder that burden alone. A deeper discussion of advance directives, DNR notices, and particularly tax incentives and/or deductions for the primary caregiver is needed.

You can guide/teach children the proper way to behave and interact with others. Elderly parents personalities are for the most part set in stone. If they were negative/difficult when you were growing up, they certainly don't become more cheery as they age and lose their independence bit by bit.

These are wonderful suggestions, I'm keeping a file for my daughter for my elderly years. Personally what I have found to be a tide turner when my Parents were really giving me a hard time while trying my darnest to help them, I said to them both, I am not a child I am your daughter. I was feeling like a 12 yr old again trying to please both Mom and Dad and neither one was happy with themselves. Well I'm 51 now and their still not happy with themselves, but I'm happy about how we interact with one another on an adult level. I will always be their daughter, but the child is an adult now.

You never know how long you will have to care for a parent. With children you can see the end coming and plan for it. Whereas the frail elderly can linger on for years and years and years.

The suggestions in caring for parents and elderly people are very helpful. It is painful to see parents and elderly people in the situation in which they are especially when one has known them as strong, active people. But I think giving them all the care, attention and love they deserve is a big help to them because i think they still have their feelings even if they cannot show them as before.

Item number 10 on this list might be legal requirements for care. The law requires you to care for your children and will take them away if you don't. The law does not require you care for your parents.

There is something called Diversion Medicaid that is specifically geared to paying towards Assisted Living Facilities. We just got my mother on it. You need to qualify financially and medically. The application process may be closed for some months of the year, but it does open up. Check with your Medicaid office. Additionally, there are VA (Veterans Administration) benefits. These can be applied for by servicepeople and widows or widowers of servicepeople. Contact your local VA office. Both benefits were processed quickly and easily and came through in 3 months. They have been lifesavers for my mother, as her SS alone was not covering the full room rental at her ALF.

My parents never discussed things like what happens if I can't drive anymore ? what are you going to do when I'm not here anymore? They assume things and when they are older they have a harder time accepting help, even products to make things easier. I think it is a good idea to discuss the events that may happen in your 60's and have an open dicussion with the third party who will eventually be the caregiver.