My mother and I are very poor and not well off, luckily we have my grandmother who financially cares for us n my two small children although she hates it, until we get on our feet. My grandmother used to be my hero, she raised me. For past 3 years she has become uncontrollably hateful, cruel hearted and rude. And it gets worse every day. She randomly tears me n my mother down on a daily basis to the point we cry then she laughs. Within next couple days she claims it never happened. She makes up stories about me n my mother's events .. when we tell her what actually happened we get called filthy liars, were terrible horrible people. Whenever she misplaced something she claims my mother has stolen it to spite her.
When she's driving, if a car passes her on highway she gets Pissed n cusses and honestly believes they had passed her to spite her!
She trys very hard to pick fights. If we ignore her attempts we get told how stupid pathetic and terrible we are.
She often cusses us randomly calls us druggies , stupid and bad nasty people in front of my 3 year old son. Then tells me I'm a bad mother because he gets nervous around her it's apparently something Iv done.
She believes everyone is out to get her, Everyone, especially my mother and me, are scamming her and lies to her daily. but then randomly sometimes she turns into a sweetheart like nothing happened then ten minutes later is back to her hateful self.
Plus many other events.
SOMEONE HELP! 3 years ago, this woman would go out of her way to take us shopping make sure we smile at least once a day n happily help us do anything. Now I honestly despise me n my kids being with her.
Iv calmly and nicely as possible tried few times to sit her down n explain how she has changed n how we believe maybe she should see a doctor for her own health about Alzheimer's or dementia. Every time I get cussed filthy told how stupid I am. And how I'm just trying to scam her to get something from her nothing wrong with her it's everyone else just trying to make her believe she has an issue so everyone can use her. But she apparently won't let us fool her so she says.
HELP ME PLEASE! CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
Hopefully, sister will be able to guide your grandmother to medical care and if not, step in and take measures to act on her behalf to protect her.
Do you know if grandmother has a Power of Attorney?
If grandmother does have dementia, there are some behaviors that may be unavoidable. Medications can sometimes treat the behaviors, but not always. Sometimes, we the family have to deal with the bizarre behavior. It's tough, but there may not be a simple fix. Sometimes these things go on for years. I would read as much as possible about dementia, so you will know what to expect, if that is what she has.
Angel
Chef, others here have posted on the difficulty of getting unwilling parents or relatives for medical help. It's not unique.
Also research your area, call your county's social work department, your state's elder agency and ask what organizations or agencies can help you get medical treatment for your GM.
Research your area and find out if there are doctors who make home visits. In my area of SE Michigan, there are a few companies with doctors who specialize in home visits.
I don't have time now to find these other posts but you can use the search box in the upper right hand corner to search for similar posts...something to effect of how to get someone to see a doctor, how to get treatment when the person doesn't want to, or as I said, involve APS.
In addition, perhaps the friction in the family is causing GM to be hostile to the idea of getting treatment. Does she have close friends, a religious counselor, someone who could convince her to go to a doctor?
Good luck with your search. I know it isn't easy when someone doesn't want to get medical treatment.
Here's what I would recommend: Your grandmother needs a complete medical work up. Tell her PCP about her drastic change in behavior and let him/her take it from there. The doctor will know what tests to run and once you have an actual diagnosis, ask the doctor what your options are. Then you can make a decision. I would recommend getting her to the doctor as soon as possible, this week if you can.
If you can't handle it on your own, call Adult Protective Services and ask for intervention. They might able to help with getting the necessary medical treatment.
She should be enjoying her old age, not having to support an indigent daughter and grandchildren.
She's cared for you and apparently your mother and children for sometime. Instead of focusing on how it's affecting you, think how it's affecting her, and what you can do to become self supporting to spare her from further anguish and mental and physical deterioration.
Who is her power of attorney? You might bring it to their attention. Maybe they can discuss it with her doctor. Are there any other family members who do not rely on her for their support? If so, then I might talk to them about it. How does grandmother treat them?
I wish you all the best.
Overall - and I'd love to be wrong so please do come back to us if we're being unfair - it sounds as if by supporting her adult descendants your grandmother has inadvertently also prevented you from developing healthily independent lives. And, yes, maybe she's thought better of it, maybe she has regrets.
How would you like to see things going forward for yourself and your family?
However, you and your mother also need to address your situation, get job training and work toward finding jobs. Even with dementia, she may also be rational enough to be tired of supporting you.