Was Mother's Day hard for anyone else?

My two kids havent called me for 5 years..it still hurts..I understand..

Mother's Day was kind of a blur for me - Mom was in ICU for 4 days with congestive heart failure and a-fib, then a pacemaker put in, and was moved to a nursing home for rehab and therapy on Mother's Day - but my mind was still very aware of the fact that my estranged 23-year-old son did not call me for Mother's Day for the first time, ever. I wasn't expecting him to, but it still hurt. Some part of me holds out a faint hope that he will call sometime, I guess. My other 2 kids did call, which made my day better.

Thank you guys, all of you that came to my aide, and shared your stories. I thought I was alone. At least now I know full well now that I am not. No matter what our situations, now I know even a "Hallmark" holiday can make us think deeper. Kinda hard sometimes, hugh? Thank you all for answering me, letting me know I'm not alone.

Judy journeys, that brings a smile to my face) I wish I had asked my stepfather at my mom's memorial if I could have taken home a couple of her dresses. but it just didnt seem to be the right time to ask. My sister flew back out there 2 weeks later and took all of moms clothes and stuff.I only ended up with a music box i had given to her many, many years ago. It still brings tears to my eyes, but i wouldnt part with it for all the money in the world)

Just wanted to add that my first Mother's Day without my mother, I wore one of her dresses to church. It was a little big but I didn't care. Somehow it helped having her close to me like that.

I wanted to respond to a recent answer on this subject. My Mom was the center of communication for the whole family, (we were pretty spread out in the 80s and 90s.)
My father even predicted it. He said just watch when ypur mother is gone, everyone will go away, let loose. She was the one who held us together even thru the devastating problems in all of our lives. When she did pass away in 1999 from esophagus cancer, the phone went silent, it rsined for teo days and my very first feeling of isolation kicked in
Mom was the Hub)! just saying i understand...

I still have my mom but my dad died about 15 years ago. I was a daddys girl and it hit me hard, especially at Christmas. I too would look for a gift for daddy only to realize he was gone. The second Christmas without him I took the money l would have spent and made & filled stockings for a nursing home, just stuff like combs, tissues, pens,etc. They loved it, especially the ones who didnt get company. When my older brother died l chose to pick a name off the "angel tree" for a needy child. My kids, and now grandkids, have enjoyed this with me. Its not like having dad back but l think he'd approve and smiles.

This was my first Mother's Day since Mom passed. I started to buy her a card and then remembered she is no longer here. It has been five months since Mom and Dad passed, just nine days apart. I am beginning to realize that when we care for aging parents (Mom 100 and Dad 95), they become like children to us. I fed them and helped them bathe. I took them to the doctor and the dentist and tucked them into bed at night. When Mom and Dad died, it was not like losing parents, it was like losing children. I have realized that my grief has been different than if my parents had not lived with us and I had not cared for them so deeply. Caretaking was so very stressful and I really anticipated that I would feel a sense of relief when they passed. The memories I have of them, though, are not those of parents. When I pass by their old bedroom I think of the nights Mom wandered in and out of bed. Their bathroom reminds me of bowel problems and struggles over bathing. Perhaps as time passes, these memories will fade and I will remember then once again as parents. For now, though, the memories of their dependence and need are the most vivid.

When my mother died, I literally cried (sobbed) every day for a year when I was alone in my house. As the first-year anniversary of her death approached, I asked a lady in a small prayer group at my church, "How do I get over this?" Her answer has sustained me: "You'll never get over it. You'll get through it."

My mother is 87 and can be hard to handle at times and I moan & complain , my brother rarely even calls and my sister isnt really available but I cherish every holiday,especially mothers day with her. She is kinda funny wanting to do things for ME, rallying my kids and getting them all together. Lifes hard with her sometimes and sometimes l think my brother & sister think theyre getting something over on me by not being around...but when l really think about it...its their loss.

My mother is 87 and can be hard to handle at times and I moan & complain , my brother rarely even calls and my sister isnt really available but I cherish every holiday,especially mothers day with her. She is kinda funny wanting to do things for ME, rallying my kids and getting them all together. Lifes hard with her sometimes and sometimes l think my brother & sister think theyre getting something over on me by not being around...but when l really think about it...its their loss.

My heart goes out to all who have responded to this question. We all hurt, although our circumstances may be different. Mother's Day, four years ago, was the last outing I had with my mom before she passed away on June 1. The first year after that, I was so numb I didn't feel much. It was the second year after her death that every holiday and special family day hit me so hard. This Mother's Day, I made a point for my husband and me to stay home. He doesn't show his emotions, so it was easier for me to treat the day just like any other. I thought about my mom and tried to remember the good times we had, but I tried not to dwell on those thoughts for too long. I did remarkably well until Monday morning when a friend called to tell me of the death of someone who has been a very special part of my life. That sent me into a nosedive, and I am trying to work through all of the emotions that have surfaced. Knowing I am not the only one who has a difficult time on Mother's Day and that I am not the only one who has experienced the loss of loved ones makes me feel guilty, but it also strengthens me. It is comforting to come here and to know I will be understood. Thank you to all.

I still dream of my mom, the last time it was weird; first she was a voice in a second dirty cloud I had somehow gotten a hold of after missing the first one, and was dragging along. Then she came out of the cloud and stood next to my husband I told her she was not a cloud, meaning she was a person who mattered!

Eek. I probably should stick with the short answer, which is "yes."

Kixxy - hugs, and blessings, you sure have had it rough!!

Im sorry, I wasnt done its wonderful you dream of your mother! I do see her. Every so often in mine. She is wearing a crown of white flowers in her hair and a long white dress with long sleeves, very angel like)))and she looks peaceful and beautiful!

That is so cool! I have started to pick up alot of my mother in me. It took awhile for me to realize it, but when i did i was proud! I Needed to have a little more fight in me. And i do feel stronger (not letting any one mess with me or taje advantage)

This was also my second Mother's Day without my mother. I have dreams every week where she comes back alive, and we get to shock relatives by telling them that she's still alive, and I"m like, "I knew it!" She's also always mad that I threw out her underwear. Then, I wake, and she's gone. Part of her is in me; I've started to sing like she did. She told me I couldn't sing but I sound a lot like her.

Yes, it was hard for me. Brought flowers, card, present, and food to my mom's. Go there 1-2 times per week (one hour each way). She knows who I am, but confused and unhappy.Wants to die and be with my father who passed away 16 years ago. Refuses to see doctor. Drinks and smokes too much (she will be 83 in September). Talked over and over again about how much she hates deceased aunt and my living and only cousin. She is tired and wants to die. Already had APS and ER involved last year. APS closed case as self abuse and she refuses help. Supposed to wait for something bad to happen per elder law attorney that I consulted. I early retired right before her 5150 in September. It is all so stressful and emotionally tired. My young adult daughter had to work, but she left me some nice candles and hand soaps from BBW as a present. This was my bright spot.

The morning was very tough for me--I lost my son very suddenly in August due to a cerebral aneurysm, and my 92 year old mom passed away in February. I had been her caregiver for the past two years. But the day got better when my husband and my other two sons took me to Descanso Gardens for a lovely and peaceful outing and then out for a late lunch at a fun restaurant, and finally a barbequed salmon dinner later in the evening at home. It turned out to be a lovely day with my family and helped to dissipate the ache in my heart for the loss of my son and my mom. I know that neither my mom nor my son would want me to feel this sad, but I can't help it. I can get on with life on regular days, but I imagine that holidays, especially Mother's Day, will always be hard. My heart goes out to all of you who are experiencing loss of any kind. Know that you are not alone!

This Mother's Day, my daughter about an hr away, and her family had me over to join with them. My Mother joined my Father in Heaven on March 16th. We celebrated our First Mother's Day without Mom together. Her husband took us out for a wonderful lunch (he md reservations of course). Afterward, my daughter took her daughters and me, for a pedacure. I think we held each other up. There were moments that i think we both felt, and there would be a tear, but we would get on with it. We have a whole year of holidays that we will face without her. We were all so close, but i think changing the how and where we celebrated helped.
To those who have lost a child, or your parent has alz and seems to not be there, my heart ache's for you. I can't even imagine. But i know that i would do it over again taking care of my Mom. I wasn't perfect and i think i dwell too much on that, but i did the best i could with what i knew and learned from this website and from Hospice.
Happy Belated Mother's Day Everyone.

Yes.. Mothers Day was difficult... But I'm just glad my 78 year-old mother lives in my home. She has dementia and cannot walk and is incontinent.. But no matter what happens she is my mom and I'm her caregiver.

My mother knows who I am but not what day (and often what time of year) it is. I visited the day before with flowers and fruit. The day after I popped in with a specialty ice cream, put a towel on her before she ate it, cleaned up and washed her fingers afterwards. In a lucid moment she said "I'm like feeding a baby". My reply "Well, at least you didn't throw it at me" made her laugh.

I've not liked Mother's Day ever since my mother died in 1976. Then one year my daughter chose that day to tell me she was getting a divorce. Now this year, a granddaughter turned up missing. She was found after three days of sleepless nights. I will never like Mother's Day.

hi vegsister, my family is mostly gone. Dad died from alzheimers in 2008, my stepfather commited suicide(carbonminoxide poisoning) 3 years after Moms passing. He missed her terribly. My spring twin lovable Terry) died in 1997 from aids. He was 35. My oldest brother michael is in a nursing home and has been in the same one for 15 years.he is in mn i am in ca. Michael had autism when he was born. It was 1950 and they couldnt figure out what was wrong with him so he was branded mental retardation and sent away to places that tried out different drugs on him along with other poor kids with the same or similar issues. The drugs messed his kidneys and liver up,that is why he is in there. 2 kids 29 and 32. Who only care about themselves and what i can do for them moneywise. Never hear from them and probably never will again now that most of my money goes to my husbands board and care. Its almost like i dont fit in anywhere. I do feel lost and i hate going anywhere alone. Mom and i were the same. I miss our lunches out, and i miss her and i talking about everything under the sun. its veryhard

I think the "year of firsts" is the hardest. This will be my year of firsts without my mom - first Mother's Day, first birthday, etc. Then it will get easier.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Yes Mother's Day was hard for me, I felt so envious of all the people who could still celebrate with their moms, buy them chocolates and flowers and pamper them. It also brought up my own fears; as I have no kids of my own who is going to be there for me when I get old? It helped that my sweetie and another friend recognized that I am a mom to my rescue dogs and gave me a bit of lovin' that I needed.

I can imagine it would be so hard for you to lose the other half of your "team." Can you reach out to friends, other family members and let them know that you are in need? It is so important for us caregivers to care for ourselves, and to avoid getting isolated with our responsibilities.

I lost my beautiful mother back in 1999 from esophagus cancer she was 61. then last year my baby sister was found in her arizona apt. Dead from a combination of oxycotin, morphine, and alcohol
whats worse is she laid on the couch dead with her apartment door cracked open for almost 2 weeks. She never was able to get over moms death. I do believe she is with our mom now and her pain is gone. we were estranged but i was always hoping she would overcome her alcoholism , and realize I was always here for her.
Yes, this mothers day was the the most depressing day i have ever had to live thru.
my husband is gone in a memory Care home, my little sister is dead, my Mother is gone. I cried most of the day. It sooooo sucks to be alone. And i miss my mother
every single day (((( and im angry that my sister abandoned life too.

My Mom passed very recently -- April 24th -- It's been excruciatingly difficult for me to cope without her since she reunited with my Dad. She was with me 24/7 for almost 4 years. It feels like a limb has been ripped off my body. I miss her sweet smile so much !

My mom died 17 years ago on May 9th which happened to be the day before Mother's Day that year also. It's still a difficult time for me.

I'm sorry, I guess that comment didn't help, but know that others sympathize with you.

Not only do I miss my Mother, who has dementia and is totally different than she was, but since she moved to assisted living, I don't see any of my brothers and sister during any holiday or my nieces and nephews. I feel like I have lost my entire family. It's like a death. No one makes the effort to get together anymore and it makes every holiday a little sad.