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Recently lost a Sister or Brother. This is the 2nd Mother's Day since my Sis passed, suddenly. I was somewhat prepared for things like her Birthday, Christmas to kind of "sting". All day today, (other than feeling like I was a miserable sub alone, ...Sissy was more girly than I), and worrying about how Mamma would feel, I felt "blue" myself. Mostly for the loss of 1/2 my team, the bigger kid that helped me cover things. Anyone else?

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Not only do I miss my Mother, who has dementia and is totally different than she was, but since she moved to assisted living, I don't see any of my brothers and sister during any holiday or my nieces and nephews. I feel like I have lost my entire family. It's like a death. No one makes the effort to get together anymore and it makes every holiday a little sad.
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My mother knows who I am but not what day (and often what time of year) it is. I visited the day before with flowers and fruit. The day after I popped in with a specialty ice cream, put a towel on her before she ate it, cleaned up and washed her fingers afterwards. In a lucid moment she said "I'm like feeding a baby". My reply "Well, at least you didn't throw it at me" made her laugh.
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Yes Mother's Day and every holiday for about the past year has been hard. I wouldn't mind jumping through the holiday hoops if she knew any of it was about, but she is oblivious. She is completely lost to me- doesn't know my name or who I am to her. I should appreciate the fact that I still have her, but it's not her. There's a stranger in my house.
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I can totally relate to what ItgirlalwaysON is saying. It seems like every holiday is hard anymore, but especially Mother's Day. My mom has dementia real bad and is also oblivious to what is going on. She doesn't remember who I am most of the time. The day before Mother's Day was hard as I ordered flowers and candy for her to be delivered and she didn't even know they were from me! She knew they were from her daughter but she doesn't realize that I am her daughter! I am just a complete stranger to her anymore! So then she became very tearful and wanted to go home to her Mom and Dad's, and I told her that they had died years ago! Then she got really sad thinking she has no family left to live for, and she has been living with her family right here for 7 months now!

Luckily after we took her out to eat with our daughter and grandson on Mother's Day, she seemed to know who we were and was pretty lucid. We had a very special time and I cherish those special moments! Then yesterday which was the day after Mother's Day she was back to not knowing who I am. She woke up asking for a ride home to her Mom and Dad's and I was a complete stranger to her again. It is so disheartening! I think it would be better at this point just to let her go. It must be hard for her to wake up and not know where she is or who she is living with. It is hard on me too as I hate playing these little cherades having to act like I'm just another caregiver. I've had her yell at me, "No, you are not my daughter!" and "I don't love you anymore!" I know she doesn't mean it, that she doesn't know what she's doing anymore but it is very hurtful. She is not totally gone to me as there are moments of clarity, but I am a stranger to her! I miss our Mother-Daughter relationship so much! That's why Mother's Day can be so difficult. I am just thankful that we had our special moment there on Mother's Day even if it was only for a brief while, and I will hang on to that!
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Mother's Day was kind of hard for me because my real mom died when I was little, and my grandma raised me. She died when I was in college. Now I care for my aunt, who has had 2 strokes and recently broke her hip. I have always considered her as a second mom, so I bought her cards and gifts. But I did get a little bit emotional when, in church, we had our annual Mother's Day ceremony in which we present flowers to all the mothers of the church and the kids (my primary Sunday School class and the older kids) read Bible passages about mothers).
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This Mother's Day, my daughter about an hr away, and her family had me over to join with them. My Mother joined my Father in Heaven on March 16th. We celebrated our First Mother's Day without Mom together. Her husband took us out for a wonderful lunch (he md reservations of course). Afterward, my daughter took her daughters and me, for a pedacure. I think we held each other up. There were moments that i think we both felt, and there would be a tear, but we would get on with it. We have a whole year of holidays that we will face without her. We were all so close, but i think changing the how and where we celebrated helped.
To those who have lost a child, or your parent has alz and seems to not be there, my heart ache's for you. I can't even imagine. But i know that i would do it over again taking care of my Mom. I wasn't perfect and i think i dwell too much on that, but i did the best i could with what i knew and learned from this website and from Hospice.
Happy Belated Mother's Day Everyone.
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The morning was very tough for me--I lost my son very suddenly in August due to a cerebral aneurysm, and my 92 year old mom passed away in February. I had been her caregiver for the past two years. But the day got better when my husband and my other two sons took me to Descanso Gardens for a lovely and peaceful outing and then out for a late lunch at a fun restaurant, and finally a barbequed salmon dinner later in the evening at home. It turned out to be a lovely day with my family and helped to dissipate the ache in my heart for the loss of my son and my mom. I know that neither my mom nor my son would want me to feel this sad, but I can't help it. I can get on with life on regular days, but I imagine that holidays, especially Mother's Day, will always be hard. My heart goes out to all of you who are experiencing loss of any kind. Know that you are not alone!
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This was also my second Mother's Day without my mother. I have dreams every week where she comes back alive, and we get to shock relatives by telling them that she's still alive, and I"m like, "I knew it!" She's also always mad that I threw out her underwear. Then, I wake, and she's gone. Part of her is in me; I've started to sing like she did. She told me I couldn't sing but I sound a lot like her.
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Yes, it was hard for me. Brought flowers, card, present, and food to my mom's. Go there 1-2 times per week (one hour each way). She knows who I am, but confused and unhappy.Wants to die and be with my father who passed away 16 years ago. Refuses to see doctor. Drinks and smokes too much (she will be 83 in September). Talked over and over again about how much she hates deceased aunt and my living and only cousin. She is tired and wants to die. Already had APS and ER involved last year. APS closed case as self abuse and she refuses help. Supposed to wait for something bad to happen per elder law attorney that I consulted. I early retired right before her 5150 in September. It is all so stressful and emotionally tired. My young adult daughter had to work, but she left me some nice candles and hand soaps from BBW as a present. This was my bright spot.
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My heart goes out to all who have responded to this question. We all hurt, although our circumstances may be different. Mother's Day, four years ago, was the last outing I had with my mom before she passed away on June 1. The first year after that, I was so numb I didn't feel much. It was the second year after her death that every holiday and special family day hit me so hard. This Mother's Day, I made a point for my husband and me to stay home. He doesn't show his emotions, so it was easier for me to treat the day just like any other. I thought about my mom and tried to remember the good times we had, but I tried not to dwell on those thoughts for too long. I did remarkably well until Monday morning when a friend called to tell me of the death of someone who has been a very special part of my life. That sent me into a nosedive, and I am trying to work through all of the emotions that have surfaced. Knowing I am not the only one who has a difficult time on Mother's Day and that I am not the only one who has experienced the loss of loved ones makes me feel guilty, but it also strengthens me. It is comforting to come here and to know I will be understood. Thank you to all.
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